Hi tom
Just read your post about you wife’s cancer that must have been horrific to go through all of that you wife deserved better than that and yes you are right if a oncologist treats anyone like that they deserve to be shot i hope you reported her we have all gone through something similar and I sometimes wonder why did they want to be doctors I thought they where supposed to save life’s but that’s not the case anymore
Sarah x
I asked for a different oncologist but my wife didn’t want to get the woman in trouble. She thought she might have had a bad day. I didn’t agree but …. The next oncolgist was a very nice woman who cried with my wife the day before she died as my wife told her she had done everything she could and now she had to go.
All the best
Tom
Hi tom
Your wife sounds like a lovely woman and I can understand why you miss her that oncologist should have been ashamed of herself even if she was having a bad day what about your wife she was having a terrible time and deserved some compassion not shouting at bless her she needed love care and attention 
not shouting at I have to much love and I give it to people and would still love to give it all out now I hope you are having a nice easter or the best we can loads of love zooming your way hope someone speaks to you in the park today you are a kind man and if I can see that through messages then just think sarah cares and smile as you walk you know you can
Sarah x
I read this article this mroning and thought it would be good to share.
There was a man who lost his wife after 40 years of marriage. For months, he tried to carry on as if nothing had happened, insisting he was fine. Refusing to speak her name, he buried himself in work, avoided her photographs, and forced himself to hold back tears. But inside, his world grew cold and hollow. One day, during a family gathering, he suddenly broke down, sobbing uncontrollably in front of his children and grandchildren. At first, he felt ashamed, but afterward, something shifted. He said, I felt her with me again, not as a ghost, but as love. The tears brought her back. By allowing his grief to surface, he released what had been suffocating him and in doing so, he reconnected with the love that remained.
The courage to feel grief is also the courage to be fully alive. Those who suppress sorrow also suppress joy. For a heart that is closed to pain cannot be fully open to love. When you numb yourself to grief, you numb yourself to life. This is why the path of healing demands that we allow grief to have its voice. To cry is not to lose strength, but to reveal it. To rage against the injustice of loss is not to be broken, but to affirm that your soul still burns with passion. To collapse into the arms of a friend and weep is not to surrender to despair, but to recognise your humanity.
In many ancient cultures, grief was not hidden; it was ritualised, given form and voice.
Mourners wailed aloud. Families wore symbols of mourning. Whole communities gathered to express collective sorrow. These practises were not primitive, they were wise. They recognised that grief is too heavy for one person to carry alone; it requires expression; it must be honoured.
Today, we often grieve in isolation, quietly, behind closed doors. But perhaps part of healing lies in reclaiming that ancient wisdom to allow grief to be seen, heard and shared. When you allow yourself to feel grief, you are not only releasing pain, but you are also keeping love alive. The ache in your chest, the tears in your eyes, the weight that bends your shoulders, these are signs of the love that remains. They feel unbearable at times, but they are also reminders that your heart is capable of immense depth and that you have known something precious enough to mourn. In that sense, grief is not just sorrow; it is a hidden gift, a testament to the beauty of love and the resilience of the human soul. So, do not fear your grief. Let it come, let it wash over you in waves, let it break you open. For only through that breaking can the light enter. In time, the storm will calm and though the absence will always remain, you will discover a new way of carrying it. Not as a weight that crushes you, but as a depth that shapes you.
Suppressing grief is not healthy, emotionally or physically. I think a fair amount of dis-ease is caused by us trying to repress/suppress our emotions. Energy has to move in the body. Sometimes our early family interactions and patterns set us up to suppress our emotions so it’s challenging and we have to work through that, too.
Wilson9, I loved what you wrote and it brought tears to my eyes.
That is lovely and so helpful Wilson, thank you for sharing
Thanks for sharing!! I fully agree. The first few days after my husband of 35 years died suddenly of a heart attack I would howl like an animal in sheer despair through the night. Now I just cry and weep many, many times a day. But after each bout of crying I feel a bit of peace, a tiny bit of comfort that helps me to keep going
Hi Wilson,
Your words have made me think and also brought some peace to my lonely heart. I’m about two months away from the day my husband passed, we just had our first Easter holiday without him and his family and myself made it through that. I feel like so much has happened in these 10 months will I ever be able to wrap my brain and heart around all of it. Thanx for your thoughts, they really help.
Lynn
Peg2
I can so relate to what you said about the DRs.my dear wife was under a consultant at the local hospital.she passed last february 2025.She went to see them in the january she got so upset when thet said her blood count had not gone up.”dont worry everything will be ok” within 4 weeks she had gone, passed here at home in our living room.I blame myself too, i should have complained.i am so sorry what happened to your husband.we put our faith in these people.Take care.
Thank you so much brummy. I hope you are coping too, it’s so tough isn’t it.
I cried so much today, just missing his presence here
Peg2, its really hard going but all we can do is our best, take things step by step, moment by moment.its like a rollercoaster we are on, more downs than ups.i go out to work then its back to the empty house.where once it was full of joy, laughter and hapiness now its just sadness, loneliness and emptyness.Its all so cruel what happened.its always the most loving, caring, kindest people taken from us.i still cry literally every day, i find nightime/bedtime the worst, then wake up to face everything all over again.I just miss my dear wife so much.Our life and ourselves have changed forever.Take care.
yes its like groundhog day over and over, the night hard for a lot of us who don’t sleep much or at all, I think if it was not for my sons and grandkids I’d have said goodbye to this world, the lonliness,grief sadness etc is not what we deserve or want just a nice happy life not harming anyone and its taken from us,
Hi brummy
I find the nighttime the hardest but today I found it really hard I was crying and missing him and the sun was shining and he was not here to sit outside and have a coffee together it just does not feel the same going and sitting on my own it feels so.empty and the loniness well that is something else I will be going to bed tonight exhausted with crying but I will not get much sleep I never do I wake.up.at 4am and just stare at the ceiling thinking here’s another day starting without him here and it just goes on and on
Sarah
Hi Lynn, your words are exactly what happened to my beautiful husband. We listened, he did everything the oncologist ordered. There were many months of devastating treatments which killed him much faster than I believe the cancer would have. Immunotherapy is not helpful for every case, side effects are brutal, it killed him. I’m sorry for your loss. Eight days from now will be a year that the love of my life passed. Our 46 year love story. Still feels raw and unbearable.
Thank you for posting @Lynn11
I hope the message I sent was of some help to you. I just think we all need lifelines for those dark times.
I hit the 1 year marker 6 months ago. It wasn’t a good time for me. Since then, I’ve managed to string together some pretty good days but it takes time, patience and discipline. I still have bad days though.
Hi Gumby, my wife also had immunotherapy that ruined her chances of living longer. We were using repurposed drugs from care oncology clinic in London with chemotherapy and everything was going really well when they convinced her to have immunotherapy and after a few weeks she had an adverse affect causing hepatitis. She had to stop her using repurposed drugs as the liver couldn’t cope. After nine months and three further hepatitis attacks, the affects of the immunotherapy had gone but the cancer had progressed so much. We tried other things like mistletoe therapies and oncothermia but it was already too late. Had we known things may have been different.
Wishing you all the best
Tom 
I just read this:“when we love with all we have, we grieve with all we are”. I think many of us in this group are in such terrible pain because we loved and were loves so very deeply and strongly and for so long our wonderful partners! Sending you a big hug
Spike1
Its been just over a year since i lost my dear wife, i wish i could say things get easier but i am finding if anything things are getting harder, the worries, responsibilities, the loneliness, the emptyness, the sad , lonely, empty house where once it was full of joy, laughter and love, now nothing.It doesnt feel like a life anymore, not the life we used to know and love, it just feels like existing and surviving but somehow i have got through until now with the help and support from the kind understanding people on this site.We can only do our best , take things one step at a time, one moment at a time.One thing i have learnt is nothing ever prepares us for losing our loved ones.I have lost parents, my dear wifes parents too but nothing is like this.we did not deserve this, its all so cruel.We were given our dear loved ones to love us then they were taken from us.Where is the justice in that.I am glad you have your sons and grandkids.
Take care.
Anita66
Thank you for those lovely words.I think they are so true.Thank you for sharing them with us.Take care.
thank you, its very hard at the moment, I was thinking as I walked this morning I know at least 40 people on my walks really well and only one really as bothered to send a card or come to see me since wife died, my other friends did,it does make you feel sad that they do not call, it is good I’ve got my kids etc and some friends I call to see when I’m lonely,no idea what I’d do if I was just on my own,