Cannot cope

Hi

I lost my dear mother october, I cannot cope with these feelings of grief they are consuming me and my daily life.ni also suffer with anxiety and depression so this has all escalated. I cannot be bothered with keeping the house clean I’ve not showered myself as I don’t have the physical energy. I now live alone, my mom lived with me and now I find the house empty. To make problems worse the council want the house back as I wasn’t classed as a tenant my mom was the tenant the house has already been succeded once so I can’t even apply to take over the tenancy, I don’t need this yet as I am emotionally, physically and mentally drained, it’s playing on mind about having to quit the house I have lived here for 47 years and it seems such a big haul I can’t cope with. No one phones me to see how I am and I feel so isolated and lonely,each morning when I wake up I get the dreaded feelings of facing the day to the point of thinking I cannot go on anymore with all this stress.
Help

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I lost my mum in January and have never felt so lonely, I lived with mum too but don’t have the added stress you have of having to move. I’ve spent the weekend on my own with my 2 cats who don’t even talk to me either. I feel churned up and stressed all the time and can’t sleep. The only time I see people is when I go to work.
Don’t give up, you are stronger than you think x

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Sorry to hear about your mom, I have a dog and find he is a big comfort to me, I talk to him about how I’m feeling but he just gives me the side eye and then wants belly rubs

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Hi Dollyaydream,
Is there any way you could discuss this with the council and try to take over the tenancy. It seems so unfair. Could your GP or Citizens Advice help. There must be someone that can help.
The pain you are feeling is normal. I was exactly the same Didn’t eat wash get out of bed nothing for at least three months . Only got up when I had something to sort for my mum.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you x
Deborah x

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Hello ive just joined this site as i feel abit like a one off as no one talks about this side of grief. I had a panic attack today at the thought of a friend coming round to lunch and seeing my flat.

Some days i really want to shower most days it doesnt occure to me unless im leaving my house. Its hard to get up the motivation to clean when cooking and eating feels like an achievement. I would rely more on takeaways but money is tight.

I wish people spoke more about this side of it

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Thank you Deborah

Regarding the house the council have told me that it has already been succeeded once and it can’t happen again. I have been onto my local mp just waiting for an answer from her, I will be contacting cab tomorrow and see what they have to say. Its just so overwhelming.

Jo

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Hi
You’re not on you’re own this is my first time posting as well.

Maybe people feel it’s embarrassing? I didn’t even brush my hair or my teeth in the beginning and I still haven’t cleaned up or been able to cook. It’s a combination of lacking the energy and feeling there’s no point, I think.

My sympathies for your loss. :heart:

You will find loads of people on this site who talk about this side of grief, you’ve found a good place to read and share when and if you’re ready. The levels of physical and mental pain I’ve felt rocked me….I would never have imagined feeling the way I have. Like a lot of people I was expecting to be “on the floor” emotionally when my mum passed (nearly 6 months ago) but never did I imagine all that comes with it. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.

So sorry. :heart: Dad and I lived together, so I can relate to the feeling of emptiness and lack of direction in life. And you have to move in the midst of it all, I can’t even begin to imagine the stress that causes you. :pleading_face: I hope you can find a way somehow. Maybe your GP can write about how it would affect your health? All the best and hugs as well. :heart:

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It is affecting my mental health I feel like I have 2 big boulders on my shoulders and it’s weighing me down.

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Have you considered some counselling to help? The mental health side to my grief has been awful! The loss of a parent rocks your core!

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Yes I have someone ringing to night

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Hope it helps x

Hi Dollyaydream,
I hope you find the strength to fight to stay in your house. I really do. You are trying so hard.Dont give up.
You will get through all this . It may take time but you will
Love Deborah x

Of course it does and I know that feeling. Glad to hear you have someone ringing, we need to grab hold of everything that can help. :purple_heart::heart:

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I just feel so angry with the way they are treating me, I feel like smashing the house up, walking out the door and never coming back.

Hi @Dollyaydream
i just want to say i completely understand what your going through, as im sadly going through the same. i lost my mum back early december 2023. i was a carer for her for very long time gave up my education, my job to take care if her, which i dont regret at all.
for me everyday has been so difficult like i dont even how im surviving, i have no energy to do anything anymore. i feel like i’m physically & mentally drained. To top it off im being threatened by the council they would evict me and need take house from me. i find it very hard to leave my house that i lived for 30 yrs so so pretty much my whole life. since my mum was the tenant, i cant apply for tenancy because it was already succeeded since my mum took over when my dad had passed, so they said i cant succeed however going to legal advice centre, they told me they cant do as when apply for new tenancy is ‘discretionary’ but saying that though i was advised i would need GP letter to support as well fornnew tenancy or having a letter of support from from the welfare advisors at the legal advice centre whos actually tryinghelping me on my case. my advice to contact any legal advice centres in your area and they would usually get legal aid depending on the person’s financial circumstance but yh im sure they would be able advise you better than CAB.

for me its been an exhausting journey being mum full time carer to her now not being there. the afternath is so much worse for me because i havent slept since she died, theres been days where i havent got out of bed or dont have energy to do and top of it i suffer alot medical conditions with really bad back and diabetes. to wake up to this nightmare of fighting to stay in my home, bills, taxes and the paperworkto be changed my name etc. its overwheming for one person. i have no one checking on me asking me to see im ok etc. i pretty much feel i’ve been forgotten and isolated by neigbours etc. i just cant seem to function anymore, if im being honest sometimes i wish i was with mum than being here in this cruel world. i just want my mum.

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You too are going through the same as me regarding housing, it’s just too soon I feel I can’t grieve my mom because of all this council shit,