Can't believe they are dead

I’m nearly 7 months on from
Losing my husband of 20 years. Whilst I don’t expect to see him anymore and I think I’m pretty much back to my normal self, if I watch a video on my phone of him I still can’t get my head around the fact he’s actually dead. I think I mean dead for good, dead forever.

I guess when you watch videos, it’s as if they are still alive, I resonate so much with Ricky Gervais character in the afterlife, watching videos of his Lisa. I’m not that bad I don’t watch them daily or anything, however I’m glad I have them and I can watch them. I’m not sure they are doing me any favours, in processing the grief, as I said, after seeing them it’s hard to believe they are really gone.


I have filled the house with photos of my gorgeous fantastic wife sue who passed away on the first of February this year.we all cope in different ways so if they are giving you comfort then carry on with watching them xx


I am 8 months into this nightmare and I feel the same. I look at photos and I cannot comprehend he isn’t here anymore. How can that be right?? He was so full of life. It doesn’t seem real


Sending hugs to you x

I’m also nearly 7 months in. Despite being there when my husband died and doing CPR and defib. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I struggle to move forward and the grief is overwhelming. I have cried every day for over six months. Surely we will learn to live with this horror. Hugs to everyone :heart::heart:xx


Same here, i cant believe it, 6 and a half months in. Ive always filled our home with photos, sometimes i cant bear to look at them, how can my fit seemingly healthy hubby be gone, in an instant. Then sometimes i look at them and smile and then a second or 2 later, it hits me that ill never see him again, like i cant comprehend or accept whats happened…if that makes sense.


@skip I’ve been looking through old photos too and realised the other day there’s very few of the two of us together - probably because I was the one with the camera (my hobby). It makes sense what you say. I’ll come across an old photo or video clip and it hits me, but I refuse to hide them away. They’re my memories of her and I won’t lock them away in a drawer. @kat1984 I enjoyed Afterlife. I rewatched all of Season 3 the day after my partner’s funeral and it helped (although my daughter tutted at me :slight_smile: ). I think it’s the best thing Ricky Gervais has done.
Hope everyone has a better week than last week.


Hi everyone It’s fourteen months for me and I still can’t believe it’s happened. I still cry at some point during the day. I’m struggling to find any purpose in my life now but hope that will change. I just find life so hard now without my husband and I know I frustrate my family at times. I think they feel as though I don’t try hard enought to get on with life now. But for me it’s not that easy.x


I have the same feeling too i look at photos of us on holiday in spain then i look at the urn Jane is now in and i can’t get my head around how my life got turned upside down so suddenly without warning, so happy to so sad in a blink of an eye


I can sometimes look at photos and videos and sometimes I can’t. There are photos up of the family and they are a comfort to me. I watched Afterlife a couple of weeks after losing David and I really enjoyed it. I found it a comfort.
One of my associates sent me a photo last night of a hedgehog that I rescued last year and they took it over after David went. It was going back to the wild very healthy and well. I cried like a baby remembering my former life when we ran our rescue xx.


@Jean8 thats a good sized hedgepig. That must of been so emotional for you.
I havent watched afterlife as not a fan of ricky gervais but ive heard a few people on here say its worth a watch x x


@jean8 That’s a chunky little hedgehog and the photo must have brought back some memories for you. You must be proud of the work you did together looking after these walking pincushions. @skip I don’t like Mr G but I thought Afterlife was pretty good and Season 3 (particularly the last couple of episodes) really topped the whole thing off nicely. Chris & I watched it together months ago and re-watching Season 3 again helped me a bit. In other news I’ve just bought a remastered version of Don McLean’s American Pie album and the track ‘Empty Chairs’ just came on and smacked me all over the place. Flippin’ grief.

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@JustSomeBloke ok, youve convinced me, I’ll give it a watch.
I dont know that song but the title enough has got me. Lots of love

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There is a lot of bad language, if you’re a bit of a prude it might offend. I know my 81 year old mum isn’t a fan of Ricky and tuts every time he swears but I’ve got her into watching it as I think it’s brilliant. I didn’t appreciate it fully when I watched it before my husband died, but now I view it in a totally different light.

A old friend of my husband phoned me today to say he’d been to see a medium. He had fallen out with him nearly 5 years ago, so hadn’t been in contact with him recently. I’m a skeptic but some of the stuff he told me was weird. He mentioned why it was taking so long to get his headstone but mentioned there would be a space for more writing at the bottom. I’m being buried with him, the headstone will be having a space, that was weird. He asked if he used the word “plonker” as he kept calling him that, I said he did. There was other stuff too. One bit that made me feel weird was he spoke about him ending his life, saying he felt bad for doing it, especially with our daughter being so young but said he’s much happier now and in a better place. I don’t know what to make of it all. As I said, I do believe in keeping an open mind, but I don’t think people can speak to the dead. Not sure if it’s just because I want to believe. I’m tempted to pay £40 and go to see if he comes through for me.

You might save some money by finding a local Spiritualist Church that has an open circle where they have a time each week for people to go along and hopefully receive a message from a loved one. My late partner’s daughter has been to a couple and found it most comforting (I haven’t been to any). I’ve copied the blurb below about the difference between open and closed ones.

“Mediumship skills are learned and refined in open and closed circle sessions. These sessions are often held at a spiritualist church, where the circle is protected and assisted by an experienced medium.
There are ‘open circles’ and ‘closed circles’. Open circles are open for anyone to attend and practice mediumship skills, and ‘closed circles’ tend to be for long standing members only.”

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@Martyn2 You reminded me with your post that I needed to get a couple of photos of my late partner printed off. I’d been putting it off but went off to the printers today after buying some frames. Thanks Martyn :slight_smile:

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No worries

I’m not a fan of Ricky Gervais either but I really enjoyed Afterlife. I did cringe a bit at the swearing though. I wouldn’t have watched it if I hadn’t lost David.


Watched two episodes of after life and couldn’t stand ricky Gervais but i can see the appeal of the programme

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Oh that’s an idea. I might give it a whirl. I’m not sure what to believe. I do see the appeal of believing in something though, as not believing, is very depressing.

Yes I’m skeptical about parting with money. Also I was not there so he may have just interpreted it how he wanted. It’s tempting to believe though as you desperately want it to be true.

I was watching a program before on near death experiences, they are all similar. Basically, leaving their body, going towards a powerful, loving light, their life being replayed to them then getting sent back. Not one mentioned reuniting with lost loved ones, so that did disappoint me a bit. I think we’d like to think of it as a big reunion, the best party ever. In reality I doubt it will be like that, but whatever gets you through.