I lost mum nearly 3 months ago and thought I was coping well but it’s actually getting worse. Feel more and more apathetic, don’t want to do anything, bad anxiety and am just sitting here having a massive cry when I should be trying to move forward. Don’t even know why I did it - just miss her so much and want her back
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Hey Roman, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Everything you’ve written feels so familiar, I lost my mum to breast cancer in 2023. It’s okay not to feel okay, and you’re not alone in this.
Sending you warmth and understanding 
Vanessa
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Hi Roman
So sorry you have lost your mum. I lost my dad last week and my mum 17 years ago. Take each day at a time , it is a huge bereavement to go through. I find online support like here is helpful. Take care of yourself
Thank you Rocky40. It’s especially horrible now both parents have gone (lost my dad a long time ago). Sincere condolences on the loss of your dad too. I absolutely agree that online support is very useful. Look after yourself as well
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Hi Vanessa. That was a very interesting link you sent as well. Well done for writing things down, I might try that. Hope it helped you
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I am sorry for your loss. It is a long and up and down process of learning how to live a new and very different life.
I lost my Mum Aug 2 yrs ago. I have tried soo hard to keep going but one thing after another has stacked up and my resilience is now soo low. The more that happens the more I miss my Mum the worse it feels.
All the things in my life that gave me joy, don’t seem to make me happy anymore and even with hundreds of people around me, I feel very alone. I have just had to accept help from my GP which has been very hard. I am the strong one the carer! I am soo changed after caring for my Mum and watching her die at home but I would do it all again.
Keep the happy times around you, the things that made you both smile will help pull you through. Being here in this site and sharing is also very helpful. There is no right or wrong just keep sharing 
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Hi,
First of all let me say that I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum is really hard. I’m 29 and I lost my mum in January. I feel very much the same. I miss her so deeply every single day.
Sending lots of love to you x
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Hi AnnaHar. I absolutely get it; I spent nearly 3 years looking after my mum 24/7 and also seeing her die at home so I can totally empathise with you. I think I will have to talk to my own GP also and I am looking at self referring for counselling but this site is also so welcoming and thought provoking. Take care. Roman111
Thank you for your support Louisa95. That is a young age to lose your mum; so sorry for your loss. Keep strong. Take care. Roman111
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This is a great forum and has been a real help just to know others have similar issues and are out there for you. I also had counselling through this site. You can request yourself.
I think the on going trauma is the hardest thing to cope with. I really don’t want to but get flash backs and memories of those last weeks. Mum would hate that I feel this way and wanted me to be happy, which just makes it worse.
So much has changed since and I don’t feel able to deal with it all. I am 60 and should be able to cope and support my own family. I was always the one everyone turned to. They lost my Mum and me at the same time 
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Hi AnnaHar
Sorry to hear you are going through this, they say time is a healer but it isn’t yet is it, it’s just trying to getting used to living with grief and the memories of last few weeks of their life. Take any help from your gp for now to get you through, it doesn’t have to be forever.
I’m similar age to you and the eldest in the family now mum & dad both gone.
I’m signed off work for a couple of weeks, hoping things will get better after the funeral but also dreading the new way of life ahead
Thank you for your kind words. Just be kind to yourself. I am learning there is no right or wrong way to get through grief but it has to be one day at a time.
Keep talking as it helps 
Just signed up today . My mum passed aay 4 weeks ago , she was very old . I had been full time carer for her and my dad for many years . At my age i feel i should cope better. I just feel empty and in a dark place . Just getting through the day is a struggle . We were very close and everything seems pointless . I have no interest in anything . Feel guilty that i am still here and she isnt - silly i know . I know everyone goes through this but i am older now and wonder what is the point .
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I am soo sorry for your loss. Do not think your age makes your loss and less. You have spent more time and energy with her so the gap both physical and emotional is huge.
I felt the same and yet I am now 60 and was a nurse for many years. It didn’t make it any easier. In some ways it made it harder as soo many decisions were left to me. I question everything now. On better days that time was very special and we shared things we wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been with her in her last weeks so she could die at home.
I now, nearly 2 yrs on replay those last weeks, even though I don’t want to. I get flash back.
It doesn’t get better but it does change. It does feel unbearable but you will learn to live with the pain as it is the love you had for her so it will never go away
Hi Welsh123. Sincere sympathies and I know exactly what you are going through- doing it myself at the minute. One of the worst things is having to deal with all the admin that goes with it; changing account names, paying bills etc. and then with me, all the legal admin applying for probate etc. Don’t get me wrong there will be days when you feel better than others and it does help if you can get out even if it is just to the corner shop. Welcome to the Sue Ryder community and hopefully you will finduch strength from it. Take care. Roman 111
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AnnaHar
So many things you say i relate to . My mum had so many drugs in her to stop the pain and anxiety at the end , i remember the look in her face , heartbreaking , she did not understand why she could not go downstairs , For the next few days she was not really conscious and could not swallow . We had Pallative care at home a lot , but it was horrible to see her this way
Roman111
Yes so much paperwork and probate to sort , just had funeral . I struggle to sleep much but when i get up i just want day to end again .
When mum first died I walked a lot which helped get rid of the fear and anxiety I felt in the early weeks. It is now soo much later on that the loneliness is had to do day in day out. I have family and friends but it is the sort of inside loneliness that’s hard to describe.
Talking does help and knowing you are not alone in the strange relentless feeling of grief that are there constantly are not things that only you feel.
We each have our individual stories and pain to bare but it is helpful to know there are others out there on the same hard journey. Stay strong and think of all the love. It is the reason for all the pain X
I am so sorry for your loss!
I am feeling exactly the same I lost my mum 9th June this year and at first I was so numb and in total shock she was only 57years old, I just kept thinking this isn’t right! How can this be happening right now! I went back to work a week later and I thought I was okay but it’s all came crashing on top of me all at once. I am suffering with anxiety and don’t want to leave the house. I find it hard to talk to those closest to me as I don’t want to upset them or burden them with my feelings/grief. I am finding that I am drinking too much alcohol to numb the pain but of course it doesn’t work but I still do it anyway. I feel so lost without her because she was my best friend and when I felt upset or broken I would go to her but now I can’t. I just don’t know what to do, people say I’m stronger than I think but I don’t feel very strong right now.
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Oh Flo1990. How awful for you; my deepest sympathies especially with your poor mum’s age. My own anxiety levels are through the roof and when it first happened I did not want to go out either for fear of meeting people and having to tell them. My worst problem at the moment is I have only just started going on a bus again (for 2 months I couldn’t even do that). Seems too claustrophobic and noisy - I don’t like crowds anyway but I still haven’t done long journeys on them. Take as much time as you need to help heal yourself and, by the way, this forum is first class for support. I completely get what you say about not wanting to upset people around you or burden them. On the surface I look ok but it’s the me on my own at home or the little reminders, significant days etc., that people don’t see the real suffering. I am referring myself for counselling as I didn’t think I needed it at first but now things aren’t improving I think I do. Only you will know if that is right for you. My other piece of advice which I don’t know if it applies to you is to ask your firm about bereavement entitlements regarding leave, flexi working etc. I wish you all the best . Roman111 x
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