Can't cope without husband

Hi I’m so devestated at the loss of my husband in January this year that I feel I can’t carry on the pain is so intense I cry every day and just don’t want to live anymore !!!

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Im so sorry for your loss
I lost my partner in March and I’m the same
Crying everyday not sleeping it’s like I’m stuck in the moment of him passing
I feel iv nothing left to live for im all alone as we didnt have children
Your right about the pain too people say you will get over this but how?
How can we when the person we loved the most isn’t here
We won’t ever get over it
Sending hugs
Take care

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Hi Nodave,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and the intense pain you are feeling.I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. You aren’t alone on this site, and you will find lots of others who are experiencing similar feelings.

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

Take care,

Priscilla
Community Manager

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Hiya Linsey, thanks for replying I’m so sorry for your loss, I don’t know about you but the pain I feel is absolutely horrendous, never imagined a feeling like it. Do you mind me asking how old your husband was ? Mine had just turned 60 and was as fit as fiddle till getting diagnosed with the cancer and then it was all downhill to see them suffering is horrible and that’s all I can see. Do you have those same images ? Just wondered if I was on my own ? If you need to talk again please feel free to reply let’s hope things start to get better for us and everyone else who is suffering this pain!!!
Love Noreen (nodave)

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HI Nodave, my husband also died in January. He did have a heart attack in 2009 and took tablets but there was no illness or anything troubling him but he died suddenly on the 19th of Jan just like that. I was waiting for him to pick me up from work and when he didnt turn up I thought he had been caught up in the traffic, tried to ring him and no answer so rang my daughter who said she would go round to see if he was there because she was worried. When she got there he had gone just like that. He had taken me to work in the morning and picked my son up from work and took him the dentist and Phil said Ill see you at the weekend and our son said yes so he was probably the last person to see him alive but my husband went home put our tea in the oven, got himself a cup a soup and just died! It has been horrible. I have felt like ending it all quite a few times but my daughter said that I would be being selfish because they would also lose their mum as well as dad. Our daughter got married in April and the day was perfect but our Hayley made sure Phil was part of the day although she is now grieving because whilst she was sorting the wedding out it took her mind off things so she is going to counselling because she said she doesnt want to talk to me about it because she knows that it will be upsetting. You feel that you get through one day and the next you cant stop crying. It is an emotional rollercoaster and you will never forget your husband and you will think of him every minute of every day. Even when I am working I am still thinking of Phil wondering for just one split second whether he would be calling me. I feel Phil is around us all the time and I speak to him all the time joking like we used to. I have spoken to Mediums who have said that he will not leave me and things that have happened have reinforced the view he is here with us all. I miss him every day and sometimes you just think thats it and its like a smack in the face. I cried all day on Good Friday because it was a bank holiday and Phil and I use to spend the day going for a meal and just enjoying each others company. We always did things together when I wasnt working. One of our neighbours said you were both always together she used to call us Derby and Joan. You feel like screaming and shouting no I dont want to play ball and act normal when I am not. Everyone just go away and leave me alone but like others have said I feel we start to learn to live each day as it comes. If we want to cry cry. I try and leave my crying at home if I can but sometimes I have had friends crying because I am crying talking to them. We dont have to conform we do what we feel is right for us. I think because I feel this way I dont have to panic about breaking down because if I want to I just do it. Friends say Im strong but I dont feel strong. I will never ever ever forget Phil but I feel he is walking beside me each day and I ask for his strength to help me. Phil was the one everyone went to for advice especially the kids and theyve said sometimes we have gone to pick the phone up to ask their dad a question because it was always him. He loved the family and the grandkids and they loved him. We found out that he had an enlarged heart and he was overweight which I tried to tell him about but he was his own man and did things his way which has upset me because as he has said through a medium he could have lived a lot longer if he had done things differently. If you ever need to chat please pm on here or on Messenger on Facebook. We dont want to hurt our families and friends and sometimes its good to rant on here or let someone know how you’re feeling. Big hugs xx

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Hello Colleen, so glad you replied to me because I feel I am not on my own I am so sorry about your husband it is horrible, I feel like it’s a nightmare and I will wake up and my world won’t be shattered anymore but no I wake up alone and then the horror of it sinks in. I have also thought about ending it if I wasn’t such a coward I would but what about my 2 sons would they forgive me ??? I feel my life is over and I’m sinking as well as the guilt. I see a counseller but don’t really think it is helping all I want is my husband back !!! I hate Sunday’s because he died on a Sunday and I find bank holidays dreadful !!! I never knew it was possible to cry as much as I do and I’m sure you must feel the same. Thank you for offering to let me get in touch with you but I must be the only person on the planet not to be on facebook ??? I will keep in touch
Love Noreen (nodave)

Hi Noreen
My mark was 42 when he passed in March he had bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had it was all very sudden he was only in hospital 4 days we had to turn his machine off cos the swelling on his brain was so bad he just wouldn’t have survived.
The tuesday he was ill I left him to go to work to which I regret I should never have left him knowing he was unwell then i get a call telling me to go home cos he had collapsed the ambulance was already there and he was rushed to hospital
All I see is them last few days of him in hospital how he looked so poorly laid in the bed with all the tubes and machines around him he was unconscious so the last time I spoke to him was the Tuesday morning before i left him to go to work
I lost my mum when I was 14 and that was a terrible time but to lose a partner at such a young age is worse knowing all your future plans have just gone and knowing I’m alone it’s heart breaking I just can’t imagine my life without him

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Hi Linsey, yes I know what you are saying about the last few days, that’s how I feel I can only see the suffering and the things I should of done I just couldn’t take it in that Dave was dying and never coming home, I stupidly thought he would talk to me as normal and come home. I’m sat on the sofa typing this thinking what is going to become of me cos I don’t want to live any longer.
Sorry x

Hello Linsey I read your post and realised that my experience is very similar to yours. My wife Cathryn died five weeks ago from cancer that was only diagnosed three weeks before. Cathryn was 50 and very fit and well. I don’t really know what else to say except that I feel the same - how will I ever make a life - we had no kids much to Cathryn’s sorrow and we had retired only a year earlier. In all we had 12 years together. I’ve tried to speak to someone every day but I also realise that the initial flood of sympathy will fade and then I’ll need to get on with things myself. While I often think there is no point to life and nothing to look forward to I know deep down that isn’t what I want. For now I accept that the grief is paralysing me but believe that Cathryn would not want me to waste my life away. I have no idea what that will be and for now I just want to exist, go walking with our dog and not feel too lonely. This group feels like a good way to share experiences and make this time a little easier. I hope you find your way through your loss.

Hi Morden I am sorry it’s taken me a couple of days to respond but my daughter has begged me to go.on holiday with them so I have been looking and it’s difficult as it’s during the school holidays and my eyes are becoming tired. Nonstop for 2 nights.

I know what you mean life is cruel. I was crying last night because you can’t get your head around it. Phil was such an outgoing sociable person when we were out and we were always together. The house is so quiet now. They say you will get us to it but I find myself just trying to put a front on when I can. Just feel like crying now. We have to carry on for our kids and our daughter is suffering now and she needs me as well as my dad. Sorry if I repeat myself because my memory is rubbish now. Have you got an email address if so please pm me. We all need someone at some point. Facebook have many groups that can help. I use the spiritual groups which have comforted me. Don’t know what to say because its hatd but take care you will always be loved xx

Sorry Noreen I hate predictive text x

Noreen please don’t think like that. I know it’s hard because ive had thoughts like that but our family would be devastated if we did anything. They need us as well. I hope we will in time learn to live with it but we will never stop missing them, thinking of them wishing they were here. Phil is here with me and he would want me to be happy. We will never ever get over it but we will keep their memories alive. I will meet Phil again I’ve been told and he’ll be waiting for me. I have to console myself with that but I know he’s helping me because some weird things have happened. You’re here for a reason xx

Hiya Coleen thanks for replying don’t worry if you busy I know what it’s like !!! Yes it’s very hard when the house is empty I have to keep the radio on so there is some noise when I come in I also have a lovely little dog she adored my husband, so it’s just me and her now. Don’t worry I repeat myself as well I feel like a buoy in the ocean bobbing up and down aimlessly !!! My email is [edited by admin] please feel free to send me yours
Take care regards
Noreen(nodave) x

Hello I’m so sorry to hear this. If you look at my profile/posts I’ve posted similiar. I would like to keep in touch with you if ok?!
My partner was early 60 s, eventually we were told the cancer was terminal, I still didn’t want to believe or accept it. We tried alternative treatments. Evil illness. Pm anytime. Thinking of you.

Hiya it’s nice to hear from you, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I don’t know about you but this life is now a living hell, I can’t take it in that I will never see my lovely husband walk through the door every again it’s just unbelievable. I can’t bare this lonely life I don’t want it !!! Please keep in touch you may have some coping strategies that I don’t have just feel I’m drowning . Kind regards Noreen (Nodave)

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Hi Tim sorry for your loss.I lost my husband in january afed 56.He had never had a day of work in 30 years. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and had 15 tumours he had no chance of fighting. It was 7 weeks then he passed away. Steve was my life my everything. We didn’t have kids together and he planned to retire this year and live abroad for a year. He got his pension offer the day he was diagnosed. 13 wonderfull years together .we would of been married 8 years on Monday. I have found it very difficult to accept im never going to see him again. I ended up going to my Dr for antidepressants and I also have counselling. I find they both really help me to cope with my loss. I have no idea what the future holds because my plans where with Steve. I miss him every single moment . I know he would want me to get on with my life so i have booked a few holidays with my family. I hope you come through your dark days .
Take care
Sharon

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Hi Nodave,it is horrendous, my partner Shirl died 12 March, very suddenly from cardiac arrest,mine minute she was talking about what we were going to watch on tv that night, the next she said she was dying, I went to get her a drink and she grabbed my hand and said I’m going and that was it she was gone. Everyone says it’s a lovely way for her to go, I was with her and she was at home, but all I hear is the fear in her voice and the see the panick in her eyes. We were together 36 years she was 68. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the shock, I spend all day in a dream just waiting for her to come home, I’m not mad, I know she is dead but can’t seem to except it’s for ever. The thoughts of years living like this scares me, I have no children, just my dog,
I lie in bed at night and think how has my life ended up like this, how has this happened.

It’s all just a living hell x

Hi Sharon thanks for replying to my post. You must have had a terrible time over the last few months. Much as I feel the pain of loss I do understand that I have to accept it and realise that there is no fix, nothing that will make it better but that I can and will have to learn to live with it. So counselling sounds like a good thing. I am trying not to close my life down as the suffering is bad enough anyway. I suppose the only other thing I take comfort from is that there are many people who come through these situations but it seems like we all need to find our own way. Good luck with your journey.
Tim

Hello Jac, I am very sorry for your loss, it is very very shocking and scary. my youngest son and myself was with my husband in the hospice when he was dying and it was horrific. I will never ever forget it and yes I also am waiting for him to walk in the door because I like you cannot believe this has happened to me and my 2 sons. I hate to wake up in the mornings to this nightmare and I cannot image how I am going to get through my life without him. I hope we can both get over this terrible terrible shock and misery but somehow I know deep deep down our life’s will never be the same. I am sorry if I am making you feel worse I don’t mean to I am just trying to describe my feelings and thoughts like yours and that you are not on your own.
Take care
Noreen ( nodave)

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Hi Noreen, do not worry what ever you say can’t make me feel any worse. To be honest nothing can. What ever else happens in my life it doesn’t matter, nothing matters anymore because the worst that could happen already has . Take care my friend I hope like you we get through this x