Thank you for replying Jac please keep in touch and let me know how you are coping. My eldest son is taking me on holiday for a few days to try and help us. I will message you when I get back. Let’s hope for all our sakes the days and nights get easier. Take care
Noreen
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That’s lovely for you, I hope you at least find a little peace, take care and speak when you get back xx
Hi Sharon
I know how you feel as my husband Kevin died aged 52 on 14 may .he was diagnosed with sinus cancer on 26 Jan and had an operation on 14 Feb. We were told it was all ok and then on 4 may told it was back and they could do no more for him. He then got a chest infection and his kidneys started to fail. He passed with me holding him and his brother at his side. So sudden.although we knew it would happen did not know it would be so soon. He also had never had a day off work sick in his life. I know he is now pain free and not suffering and as much as I wanted to keep him i could not put him thru any more pain and suffering and it was his wish to not be brought back just to suffer more. I know he is not here with me but still can’t believe it. He is in my heart and thoughts constantly. I still think I will see him again in the garden or in his chair. I have not yet started counselling as wait for an appointment but am going to a group near me next week as I think it will help me
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Hi everyone, I have been reading all your messages and we are all in shock as what has happened has taken away not only the love of our lives but the life we expected to live and go on enjoying. The tragedy happened almost 10 months ago for me but I get comfort from this site as I have found it hard to believe there was this unbelievable pain I didn’t realise existed but you all express what I feel and helps somehow with the loneliness… We had not yet retired and we expected so much more time! Just trying to fill the days but the feelings are always there just managing to cope with them a bit better. A change of scene for a short while has been helpful. He is always with me in my head and heart wherever I am. Lots of love and hugs to you all xxxxxx
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Hi Noreen Again I am sorry for not responding sooner but I spent time with my family over the weekend and since then I have gone into a downward spiral. It just comes up on you without no warning. You find yourself crying at every opportunity. Today I was in work and whenever anyone spoke to me I broke down in tears. I have cried at the horribleness of it. The thought I wont see him again in this life offering advice to me and the kids and taking control in the house of anything that went wrong. I just absolutely hate it. You think your coping and wham it punches you in the stomach and says no dont think so. What to do. Go to bed and wake up in the morning and try and get through my day. I will just have to go with the flow. Cry when I want to cry and just try and get through each day anyway I can. My hearts goes out to you all x
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Oh Coleen I’m sorry you are suffering so much it is terrible I like you sit and cry in fact I howl in pain it’s heartbreaking !! I also get a horrible panicky feeling when I realise I will never see my lovely Dave again and now everything comes down to me I don’t really know how I am going to get through this I really don’t want too !!! Noreen X
I get really scared to noreen, I wake up and have to run to be sick as the panick gets me. I’m on anti depressants now, didn’t want to but needed something and think they may help. Iv never been on my own, it’s terrifying, Shirl dealt with the bill paying etc and it’s so horrible trying to keep on top of it with only one lot of money.
I have just been in the garden which is huge and turning into a rain forest, trying to cut branches out of damson and apple trees that are getting so big. So scary, scared of falling, scared of cutting myself. I just want to scream I can’t do,this alone, but then this is it now. We are alone x
Noreen yes that’s me. In bed now trying to get some sleep. Have tried a meditation. Will let you know if it works x
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Noreen yes that’s me. In bed now trying to get some sleep. Have tried a meditation. Will let you know if it works x
Hi Jac Try Age Concern or someone like that. Don’t try and struggle that much on your own. Colleen
Well today I cried this morning and kept it in at work and cried when I got home. I have realised I think a while ago I cannot take the stress of my job anymore. I have again mentioned to my boss to see if I can work one day less. I feel like getting up and walking out but I need the money. I am sending out CV’s but I feel totally annoyed I have to work for another six years before I can get my pension. Working full time for 50 years! I think I keep arguing with myself! One minute saying I cant take it but the other voice in my head saying if you didnt work or took another job you might not like it but maybe I could take the stress if I did one day less. I am writing to the Town Hall which is down the bottom of the road for me. Another thing I am thinking is that we would have been going away on the 22nd of June to Tenerife and I dont know if I am getting myself worked up over that because we have gone away abroad for the last 25 years and basically it is the end of an era in many many ways. In this world that we are in we try and keep control of our lives but death is the one thing we cannot control I did get Propananol from the Doctor because I have begun to feel really anxious but I think that has more to do with the job I do. Being very philosophical. Hope youve been okay today Noreen x
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Hello everyone I lost my husband suddenly in February this year he had a heart attack he was only just 45, I am devasted overwhelmed with grief and today is our son’s 15th birthday the first birthday in our family since my Jad passed away… I know I need to stay strong today of all days but I can’t stop crying I am missing him soo much.
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Sorry for your loss Amanda and Happy Birthday to your son. You will be devastated. I thought I was doing quite well (in a fashion) but this week I have been non-stop crying, feeling stressed and just wanting my husband back. I know he cant come back but Im crying at the futility of it all. I hate it I really do. Feeling pains in my chest because I am getting all anxious and missing silly things in work. I know its part of the grieving process but I dont want it, take it away, I am not a widow I am married. I’ve been married for 36 years and that is all I know. Usually being told he is with me in spirit comforts me because I do feel him but some days you feel utter despair and this week has been one of those weeks. I want my husband back knowing what I know now. I would never leave him again. I’m sitting here typing with tears coming down my cheeks knowing this is part of grieving but it renders you incapable. I havent eaten properly this week because working full time is just too much. I am so much of a downer. I feel for you and everyone else who are going through this nightmare. I give in I get the joke give me my husband back now please! Sorry for going on but I think after I get off this forum I will check Reiki out and another Doctors surgery.
Hello Colleen. Know how you feel. my lovely wife passed in April from MND. Now completely lost, as i cared for her 24hr day. I get my up days and down days, but mostly down days. She is always on my mind, everything has a memory, everything i see, touch, go. Its become a very lonely life, even though i have great kids that visit when can, but as soon as they leave, the quietness and emptiness again sets in. It does make one wonder what life has planned for us. Its hard to fathom what though. …John
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So sorry for your loss, like me my wife passed Dec and the pain is there 24/7 and like you don’t won’t to be here anymore, worse today as we have all been to Bognor with grandchildren all week now back home alone just popping antidepressants to get through the day,
HI John Yes you are right. Its weird how our lives are all different but still very much the same. I used to love my work my husband said too much! My husband passed over in January and I grieved and had my good days but I’m five months down the line and this week has been horrendous. I have been crying non stop. In work I am getting stressed when normally I am calm, get stressed but get through it. Now my chest is tight and I know I am holding myself so rigid I’m aching which is making me feel tired. Its a never ending cycle. Someone said to me that Phil would be proud of me and when I thought about it yes I feel him with me and he will be proud of me but I carry on to make him proud of me. If you know what I mean. Phil used to same I ramble and I am doing it even more now. Yes I am going to have weeks and months when my life is not worth living but I am going to have times when my life will be worth living. I looked after my two grandaughters on Wednesday night for a couple of hours and when my grandson came back from football as soon as he came in he wrote on a piece of paper. I love you Nanny Coll love Jayden and came and give me a hug. Kids are so persceptive. Phil would want me to carry on for our kids and grandkids. I write on birthday cards to the kids not only love from me but also from their grandad who is sending love from heaven. I think typing this has me realise Phil is having a great deal more influence on me even though I cannot see him more than when he was here and I could see him. That has made me think. Our lives will never be easy and will be a hard road to walk but your wife will be right by you. Some days that will be of no comfort but l will continue to talk to Phil like he is here and joke with him like we used to. Like you probably did with your wife you knew what she was thinking before she said anything. Phil and I used to finish each others sentences. Be proud of your life as, like Phil, your wife is proud of you Colleen
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Hi Colleen. Yes i get the same feelings that she is still around, I to talk to her all the time, and like you said, we new what each other was thinking, or just a look, and id know what she was thinking. Have to keep going for the kids and grandchildren, they are mourning as well. I recently wrote a card out for my little granddaughter, and signed it from me and her nan with the angels. It is a tough time for us, my emotions are all over the place. Keep in touch…take care John x
Hi Colleen you seem to be feeling like me I start back at work next week after 14 weeks since Jad passed away I miss him soo much, like you I just want to wake up from this horrendous nightmare yesterday was soo hard without Jad our son was holding back and he felt it wasn’t the same … I am on beta blockers for my anxiousness maybe speak to your doctors about going on them x take care
Yes I think I am Amanda. I feel for your son. Our hayley was crying before because a certain song came on and she’s 33. I am on beta blockers but I didn’t take them but I am going to now. I am trying meditation and last night when I was asleep someone called my name. I thought it was someone outside but I realised it could have been Phil. Take care xx
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Hi John thanks for replying. I am out at the minute but take care Colleen