3 weeks in and still finding it unbelievable. I know he has gone but still cannot believe it. Went out today with one of my daughters her partner and 3 youngest grandchildren to battersea park. Had a lovely time but kept thinking that kev would like this he would be chasing the children round and playing with them but they will never know fun with him anymore. We all talk about him as to not do so is to make out he never existed or was such a big part of our lives. He has left such a gap in my life and in theirs. Will I ever accept he has gone? The Celebrant came yesterday to sort out the service and it’s all so surreal like a bad dream that I want to wake up.from and find him next to me as usual.i did my best for him and hope that he approves. Funeral is 14 june so after that who knows how i will cope. I have said that the funeral is not goodbye bit good night or send you later as goodbye is so final and I can’t do that. He willalways be my husband and soul mate. Am I wrong to still be counting days? Maybe this is what hurts me.
So sorry for your loss Sue…after the funeral it will hit you again like a massive wave the pain and grief is overwhelming this happens because you have been busy with the funeral arrangements…and you are quite right it’s not the end it’s goodbye for now till you see Kev again …and yes it’s normal to be counting the days…I count the weeks it’s 14 weeks on Tuesday since my Jad passed away suddenly he was only just 45 still can’t believe it we have two son’s 15 and 18 and we are totally heartbroken and miss him like crazy I will never get over this…he is my best friend and soul mate the love of my life like Kev is to you…I truly believe they are still with us and will always look after us…take care Amanda xx
Thank you amanda for your kind words. Kev was only 52 so young. Have days when I don’t want to get up but make myself do it as he would not want me to be like this so for him I make myself carry on .I feel so lonely sometimes as it was just us in the house and when family and friends visit it’s ok but it’s after they go i feel alone. Just gave to remember the good times and feel him with me.I can’t say goodbye to him but will say goodnight. I am going to a bereavement group near me on Tuesday so I am hoping that will help.
Take care. Xx sue
Hi sorry for your loss reading all your comments here and i never said goodbye I just couldn’t bring myself to say it when he passed even at the chapel of rest I just said I love you with lots of kisses
Hi Lindsey I agree it’s not goodbye because they are still with us each and every day…must admit I did say goodbye for now…but it’s not…I miss Jad soo much I went back to work yesterday …when I got home I had a complete meltdown just couldn’t cope not having Jad ring me and walking through the door asking how work went just wanting him back the despair and intensity of the grief was unbelievable thought I was going to have to ring the doctors it was that bad. I hate my life without Jad the only part that keeps me going is our two son’s.
Take Care xx Amanda
It will be 12 weeks on Saturday since my life ended with shirls. I can honestly say I will never get used to this new existence. I still expect her to be here when I get in or coming through the door any minute, I still wait for her calls and texts. People expect me to be over it by now, no one wants to talk about her anymore it’s like she didn’t exist, they think I’m doin well! I spend nearly all day every day just sitting. Life goes on hey, my life stopped at 12 20 March 12. I read a quote, as long as I am breathing I will be grieving, how true
You are all so right. My hubbie’s death is coming up to 5 months. One minute I think I’m not doing too bad and then the wave comes and sweeps me off my feet and I am crying for a week. A Medium said to me to cover Phil up of a night and shake his pillow because he is there which I do and still say goodnight and I love you.You cant break a habit of a lifetime. We only slept apart when I was having the kids or when Phil had his heart attack in 2009. How many times I go through the iffs or buts. If he had done this if he had gone the Doctors but that is another way of keeping him close. Like others I wait for his text or telephone call and to have my tea ready when I get home. Our lives have changed forever. Life seems to be so higgledy piggledy I dont know how I am going to feel from one day to the next all I think about is Phil constantly. My adult kids are still suffering and the grandkids have their moments when they dream of their grandad and just want him back crying their eyes out. I have to believe he is with me listening and guiding me. Sometimes I feel his presence and last Friday I was dreaming and someone shouted my name and that has never happened before. At first I thought it was someone outside but I am hoping it was Phil. Sometimes I scream out I want it all to be a dream but that will never happen. I let everyone know if they ask that I am still feeling it bad but it will happen to everyone which I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I have to believe I will meet Phil again in spirit. My heart goes out to you all
Just reading your comments Colleen and felt I needed to make a comment. Like you I believe I will meet my husband again, that what keeps me going. He said that death will not part us and that what keeps me going. I talk to him hoping he can hear me . I find it so hard to grasp the concept that I will never see him again. I have a robin I see regularly in the garden and think that he’s been sent to visit me by my Michael.
I feel for all who write on this site and hope reading others comments helps you like it does me. I realise I’m not suffering alone.
God bless you all , Katy
Hello Nodave, Ive only just found this site and I now realise Im not the only person in the whole world who is feeling so sad and so empty. My husband died in July 2016. The shock of finding him is still with me. He had just had his 60th birthday and is the only adult that I knew that had never seen a doctor, even as a child, He was so fit and healthy. He died instantly of an aneurysm.
I had loved him for 40 years and life without him seems meaningless. I have had 2 great words of wisdom in the last 11 months. The first was from my brother who tragically lost is son 6 years ago and that was in answer to my question when does this almost physical pain go away, he replied it doesn’t but you do learn to live with it and the second was from a vicar ( I am not a believer ) and he said try to be glad for what you had and not sad for what you’ve lost…
Hi LindsayMark
I am so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling now? It must be difficult for you having no children. Do you have any other family or good friends?
I lost my husband in January, he was my best friend and we did everything together. My life now feels so empty and lonely. I do have a 27 year son and he is living at home but he is either working or in his room so not much company. I don’t have any other family. But do have some good friends.
Take care
Marion
I feel the same i lost my husband April 2021 I don’t know how I am still here , since it’s been a year I seem to be even worse i think maybe it’s hitting me that it’s real , I don’t stop crying most of the day I don’t sleep and I have 2 young children . we were together all the time and so happy and still in love . Even though it’s been a year I still can’t imagine living a life without him . Some days he seems far away like i haven’t seen him for so long , then other days it’s like I was with him yesterday. I don’t know how we are meant to carry on and live a life without that person that we love so much and we were living our life with part of me just doesn’t want to carry on but I have the children , it’s like I’m stuck in a bad dream that I can’t escape from but somewhere in the back ok my mind something still seems to say this can’t be it , something will make it ok but I think that must be my mind protecting me .
I lost my husband at the end of November 2022 and today I Am feeling exactly the same I just do not want to be here anymore, I feel my life is over I wake up in the morning and just do not want to carry on and I am exhausted from all the grief and crying I have friends and family and they are all supportive, but they cannot give me what I want, my husband. I just do not know how to cope with it all I just want to be with him so I know how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you
Hi Nodave , it’s the worst thing to ever happen in your life losing your partner . The longing for my husband is unbearable. I feel for you my love
The pain is something else. My husband passed 15 months ago and I’ve just stopped screaming. Life is shit apart from having to look after my dog which helps to a degree. Over and over I ask out loud, where is he? He sure isn’t here 
Hi Nodave , I hope to that someone on here can help as it’s so terrible carrying on life now without my soulmate either
Hi Jol
I’m playing the 25 years we had together over and over in my head. I even smile sometimes but life is hell. I dreamt about him last night and he held me, I woke up sobbing like I never have before. I take antidepressants and sleeping pills and I’m not sure they do anything but make me sleep.
Hi Sukey , I think there is nothing that can help when we are in this situation. I hope that time will help eventually but I currently feel worse as each day that passes . I wish I had more pills to help but I only have herbal sleeping tablets . I may tackle my doctor again
Hi Jol
Please talk to your doctor, you need something to get through the day and the night. Say all you’ve said to me and I think what you’ve said is only the tip of the iceberg to what you are feeling. I look bloody awful, my face blotchy and I’ve lost two and a half stone and I can’t stop shaking, just tried to do something normal like paint my nails and I’ve got it all over the place. All I can think is where is Carl? I can’t believe this is it
Hi Jol
Please let me know how you get on with your doctor. My meds certainly help. I’ve also got cancer so take a lot of pills
Bless you sukey I hope you are fighting the cancer .
My sympathies to you . I will try and see her you have one shot to get in by ringing 8am each day x