I got really angry when I found out this morning that they threatened to get an injunction to stop the funeral if they weren’t allowed to go so being an evil bitch as I’ve been called I sent them all a message saying that as they’d chose to ignore the wishes of Chris I thought they’d like a pic of his dead body so they never forget and as they’d done that there’s no need for a memorial service hope there happy that went down not very well and I also told them that I’d be there worst nightmare so if anything else gets put on fb about me its them I’m going after I said as they’d chose to ignore wishes now they’d pay I know it was wrong of me and now I’m waiting for the police as I know they’ll call them xxx
I don’t think a funeral can be stopped except by the Coroner/Police. The police wouldn’t get involved in a domestic situation like this so try not to worry. My husband died 12 months ago. He had 3 children, I was always disliked by 2 but very close to one. They turned up with his ex wife in tow who sobbed at his graveside (Mal couldn’t stand her and would have gone mad knowing she was there) and it was all I could do not to go and slap her. I’ve not heard a word from any of his scrounging kids including the one I was very close to. They’re a disgrace.
Hi Mandym!
I recently lost my partner Ron.
Most of Ron’s family have been very supportive and considerate - and I have been to them.
However the older of the surviving brothers (Len) has been an absolute nightmare.This brother had the audacity to insult and disrespect Ron in my home, and also at the funeral. I have also received defamatory emails and phone calls from him. Len believes that the spotlight should be on him, and not Ron.
I’ve taken three positive steps re this situation:
Firstly I’ve blocked his emails.
Secondly I’ve blocked his phone number.
Thirdly I’ve now let everything go over my head and stood back and laughed at how Len has made a complete idiot of himself by getting the legal processes so completely wrong that he’s out of pocket and having severe stress problems!
At the end of the day, it’s you who is the one shouldering most of the grief.
Over time your grief will change.It won’t go away, but give yourself time and you will become stronger. When you get to this stronger stage, you might find that you are able to break contact with your husband’s family.
Good luck in everything you do.
Teena.
Hi I’m sorry to hear that your loss has caused you trouble it’s horrible I told my mental health nurse that they would cause me problems and that it would be a blood bath if there was a service so there wasn’t but they went behind my back and still was trying to slag me off and cause me problems I was right his family never liked me but it’s OK because I don’t like them and have told them all where to go and am now in the process of throwing everything away that they bought makes me feel a bit better xxx
Hi thank-you after I sent a message with a pic of my husband’s dead body attached and gave them what for I hope they won’t contact me again I told them I get anymore trouble and it’s them that’s going to pay they never wanted Chris I did I love him no matter what I’ve put up with a lot and got things sorted for him all on my own but they couldn’t let him have this one thing they still had to control it and that’s what I’d always tried to stop but he will be coming home to me and there’s nowhere for them to go to see him so well always be together xxx
Well done Mandym. Had problems with my husband’s family. They dropped me like a ton of bricks day after he passed. Stepdaughter vile, just after money. They have shown no compassion, empathy or sympathy for me. Sod them, I don’t need them. So glad you told your lot where to go. You’re stronger and a better person than they could ever be.
Big hug to you
Julie x
I am truly so sorry for your loss and as I have recently lost my husband I do understand. Maybe his daughters felt betrayed by him when he married into your family - he probably had more to do with your family than with his first family and they possibly thought they had lost their Dad. I know it wasn’t your fault but when someone marries into another family it is important they don’t make the first family feel less important. Your husband was totally happy with you as that is what he wanted but maybe he didn’t work hard enough to ensure his first family felt included. I feel sure your husband was a lovely man but maybe his daughters felt betrayed by him. Just a suggestion to help you understand that maybe that is how his daughters are feeling and then hopefully you can understand where they are coming from.
Until then I send you lots of caring thoughts and maybe you and his daughters can help each other in your grief.
Hi thankyou I’m sorry to hear of your loss and problems that followed his family weren’t even there when he passed away I was that’s why I just wanted them to get lost I’ve been harsh to them but I’m not sorry big hug to you to xx
No that wasn’t the case. Their mother had an affair, she eventually married the man. I think their bad feelings came from her, the eldest daughter lied to her dad about the other man even being involved with her mother. I knew them 16 years. 2 of them were total spoilt brats. They were adults when he died, but even when he was ill they expected him to make all the running, never came to see him til he was in his last days in hospital. I’m a Dr of Psychology/psychotherapy and specialise in bereavement. I have never known such cold heartless people as those 2. I think the daughter I was close to was pulled in 2 directions when he died. They’re welcome to each other, no loss to me.
Well said!
Your probably right. His children had a unstable childhood from what I can work out. Parent split up. After their mother re-married she died suddenly and the children were taken into care. My husband couldn’t have them as SS stepped in and as he lived in a one bedroom flat he was refused custody. He purchased this house and did get custody of the oldest one. She was about fifteen at the time. When I met their father we got on well until their father and I decided to get married. Their behaviour wasn’t nice, oldest one was 21 by then. They tried to spoil our wedding and I had nothing to do with them for a year or two. We eventually put it all in the past and have been friends ever since always greeting each other fondly. As soon as their father passed away they became a pain again. Ignoring me,even at the funeral. They behaved like drama queen, probably for attention but they hadn’t seen their father for a year or two. Since then no support, not one phone call. although I have tried to make contact, now doing a third letter. Offering my friendship… They had thirty years to get used to us being together and we had a very happy marriage. Perhaps they did feel pushed out but they made very little effort to bother about their father. Unfortunately their father was not the type to make demands on them. They are now in their forties/fifties with grown up children of their own and acting like spoilt brats. They tried for all the attention at the funeral totally ignoring me. Nobody particularly bothered about them as few knew who they were. I have noticed that so many other people here are having the same problems with family. Funerals seem to bring out the worst in people. I find it quite shocking…
So many of us having problems with family. I too have been dropped by his daughters and most of his family. Always got on well with them, so it’s a bit hurtful. Your right, don’t need them, not going to lose anymore sleep over them. One more letter and then it’s goodbye for ever if I get no response again. Quite shocking how grieving people can be treated so callously. Have they no heart.
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No they don’t have a heart or a conscience if they did they would not be attention seeking self centered idiots out to destroy everyone they would know how were all hurting and it’s not long since my husband passed but I’ve started throwing out all the stuff his family gave us I don’t want it I can’t stand to be around it I just want all trace of them gone I married Chris not them. I’ve found things hard for a few days and can’t seem to stop crying either through anger frustration or just because I miss him so much I just want him back the people causing problems don’t feel like that or they wouldn’t do it and good for you I got rid of my in-laws stay strong xxx
It is shocking but I think mainly people act like that because of there own guilt because they didn’t do more when the person was alive and now can’t put it right then on top of that you have jealousy because you had with that person what they didn’t and now they can’t ever get that back its to late so they act like spoiled brats and cause trouble to make you feel bad to ease there own guilt xxx
Hi. Daphne. I entirely agree. We have to take care of ourselves and if that means being a bit selfish, so be it. So many people want to offer advice when they have no idea what it’s like to lose someone although they often mean well. To be having a row the day before the funeral is inexcusable. Have they no feelings? People can often make you feel guilty because you don’t take their advice. But it’s you and your feelings that matter not theirs. Yes, don’t be bullied. You are so vulnerable at the moment and any suggestion that you aren’t doing the right thing can stick in your mind. Like anxiety, no one can understand unless they have been there. I was told 'Oh well, you will be OK in a few months. Really!!!? It would be better if they kept quiet but some can’t. Take it easy and do what YOU want to do, come what may. Blessings.
Hi I totally agree with you I have anxiety and depression so some of the things said have been playing on my mind I can’t stop that so I hope everyone can find the strength to get rid of bullies out their lives like I did I can now take the time to grieve for my husband blessings and big hugs to all xx
I wouldn’t say I suffered with depression but I do take medication which helps with anxiety. I think my condition is more down to hormones. So I know what it’s like to have the feeling of things being out of your control. People tell me I’m strong or I’m doing well and brave. What choice do I have? What choice do any of us have but to try and cope with each day.? The fact that we probably don’t feel strong or brave isn’t an issue for other people. As if the grief we are suffering isn’t enough, there are those who just want to try and make us feel guilty. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about but i know my step daughter has guilt which she has to deal with. She actually came to see me yesterday. As much as I made here feel welcome I felt that things were a little strained. It’s probably because of the things she did behind my back has left me feeling that I don’t know if I can trust her. It’s very sad, but the dynamics of our relationship has changed and I’m not sure we’ll ever have the same connection again. So I’ve not only lost my husband but also his family who have become noticeably distant.
I’m sure people will think that I’m imagining things, they would be the first to say that, but I know them and they have tried to channel their guilt on me and I won’t accept that. I know what our marriage meant to us both and how we felt about each other. My life was so much richer than theirs and to a degree still is because I have the memories they will never have. If they had found the time to enjoy Gerald’s company rather than wanting him when they needed him to do something for them, then maybe they would not feel so guilty. Best wishes to all x
That is so true what we live with everyday is hard and Chris really understood me and he got me where no one else does he made my life better and easier we just didn’t have long enough together which is sad but I’m going to do the things we were going to do together anyway to get the memories and photos for the memories scrapbook I’m doing and they won’t have any of that I just wish people weren’t mean xx
Mandym you have been through so much in such a short time but I think your sad situation has given you an inner strength to survive. Now try and concentrate on your love for Chris and grieve as you should and cast these people out of your life. I agree why are humans so destructive. Of course there are kind people but the rotten ones spoil it. Concentrate on your memories scrapbook it sounds lovely, might do one myself. Good luck.
I’ve had a call off the police today warning me to leave his family alone and stop harassing them I told the police my side and there getting warned to so that backfired and anything else from his friends or family goes on Facebook I can make a complaint to the police think there having a bad day now and I feel vindicated because they did what I said they would so people now know I’m not lying Chris would be so proud of me its for him I’m doing it hope no one else has to put up with this big hugs to all xxx