Can't deal with it

I have recently lost my partner Jean, and I just can’t cope with it

Hello.Gollom,
I can only hope you find some comfort and support on this site.
I feel the same as you I can’t deal with losing my husband albeit longer ago than your loss.
All I can say is take your time , don’t be rushed into making decisions and try to find somebody impartial.to talk to.
Wishing you well Sadme

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Hi Sadme,
I know its going to be so hard to move on, but I feel that I don’t want to, I find that I am so lonely, people visit then when they have gone it all starts again, I find that I just burst into tears for no reason.
Gollom [ Richard ]

Hello, Gollom, welcome to this wonderful forum, where none of us want to be. I am so sorry that you have lost your Jean, it is no use my saying that I know exactly how you feel. It is a long hard road on which we must travel, each of us coping the best way we can. I am exactly the same, when I have visitors, I can smile and reminisce with them, as soon as they have left, I am back in the grieving, it is becoming more intense. My husband passed away 6 months ago, it was very sudden, although I knew that he wasn’t well, I never expected that he was going to die. we had been married for 59 years. I found him on our bedroom floor, the first months I was still in shock and our daughter, son and friends said how well I was doing. Not so, it would have been Stan’s birthday on the 19th February, our daughter’s on the 24th and our son’s on the 26th, my late brother’s on the 20th. Then the realisation set in, the anaesthetic of the shock wore off and here I am grieving so badly. This is not all about me, Richard, it is about you, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this horrible emotion, called grief. I hope that you will continue posting, this place, albeit within the computer, is full of people suffering as you and I are. There is always someone who will reply to you with compassion and understanding.
Take good care of yourself.
Blessings,
MaryL

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Dear Richard, I am so sorry for your loss. I want you to know how I understand when you say that you feel you don’t want to move on. I remember that feeling well. In the early stages of my grief after losing my husband over two and a half years ago now, I felt exactly the same. I wanted to hurt and grieve forever perhaps because, I thought, that would keep my darling man close to me. Now time has passed I realise that I will hurt and grieve forever and my darling man remains close by me. However, although I hurt and grieve, I also laugh, sing and dance and I am beginning to know some contentment and yes, dare I say happiness. Life will not, cannot ever be the same without my husband but I know, I feel, he is by my side every step of the way. I talk to him, I write to him, I even text him occasionally. You too, Richard, will get to this place. We learn to live with our grief, it becomes a part of us, just like our loved ones are a part of us. I still cry for my man but I think I will always cry and that’s ok. Love never dies.
Don’t expect too much of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Cry, shout, scream if you want to. I used to shout and scream at the top of my voice, always when I was driving so nobody could hear me.
I’m now in the place I’m in and life is tolerable. I have no idea how I’ve got here really but suffice to say I have. Life is for living. It’s not the life I would have chosen but it’s the life I have been given. I owe it to my husband to live it and carry out our plans. I have continued with home projects my husband had started. He had so little retirement time having died just less than 3 months after retiring. That makes me very sad because he had so been looking forward to that time.
I’m fortunate in that I go out to work. That has helped me enormously.
Sending you love and strength xx

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Richard, there is a very good reason you burst into tears, you’ve lost your lovely wife. If that isn t reason enough I don’t know what is.
Ignore the welll intentioned “move on”
" accept it" " times a great healer " and all the other platitudes, I’ve had the lot and most of them make me feel worse than ever.
Do.what feels right for you and if that is lying the sofa so be it. Sadme.

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Thank you all for your messages, I am so sorry for all of you who have lost loved ones, I really can’t see how you have all coped, some of you over long periods, I can’t even to begin to think ahead, I really don’t think I will manage to do what you have done.

This Is a great site I don’t think, where is everyone when you need to talk, not for me, nobody there, !

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I’m here Richard. Can’t sleep huh? Grief messes with your sleep pattern. Two and half years later and mine’s still all over the place. x

I’m here too. My Steve passed away 12/4 2019. Walking home tonight I looked up at the stars. Steve used to tell me about all the constellations. I often wondered how such an intelligent man could have married someone like me, I miss him so much. As time passes it does get a bit better. The pain never goes away but you begin to learn to live with it. I used to say that I didn’t enjoy anything anymore, it was always just nice. I am beginning to find a bit of pleasure in things, going out with friends. But I still come home every time, like tonight and cry for the life I had. I really wish I had someone to hug me.

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Me too Montague, I could really use a hug right now…:hugs:

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Hi Richard

I think the key is to try not to think ahead too much. Concentrate on getting through today. Just do what you need to to today and only think about tomorrow when you wake up tomorrow.

It’s been nearly two and a half years for me since I lost Clive (I still can’t say the “D” word!) And I often find myself reverting back to One Day At A Time mode if I try to think too far ahead. It all gets too much for me - 24 hours I can just about cope with, even a week, but 20 or 30 years? Oh hell, no

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Sorry about last night, I just find the night time the worst part of the day, just so lonely, sorry if I upset anyone

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Hello there Richard. Of course you didn’t upset us. I hope you managed to get a little sleep. During the night the forum does go quiet but you may find one or two of us dipping in and out. Those that can’t sleep. Even if nobody gets back to you, just write down how you’re feeling. You’ll feel better just for doing that. Someone will pick up your post sooner or later. Sending love and understanding xx

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Thank you Kate

hi gollom
your not alone i lost my love of my life on the 22/2/2020 i dont know what to say do where to go im trying to keep busy but when those memories hit and your heart goes thud nothing can make you feel better. I know in time we will all learn to live with the loss but as you know that means nothing to us right now. i wont say look after yourself because like me im sure you dont want to. no words will make you feel better so soon. i said the same i cant cope but i am i have to im scared of every day and the pain it will bring. am i strong enough we see. take care Gollom and keep posting i have found talking helps. xx

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Thank you Karie, it is so hard to see ahead, it is 2 weeks tomorrow that I lost my Jean, and while I type this, the tears are flowing yet again, I have had a terrible day today and have not seen or spoken to anyone, that’s what I find hard is being on your own.

Nobody again when you need to talk, thought people were here to talk when you needed them, don’t see the point of this site.
Richard

Hi richard
I think people take refuge in sleep as i do though it is sporadic and i waken to my nightmare. I read some of the others ‘stories’ if noone is available. Thinking of you x

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Hello Richard. For once I managed a good night’s sleep which is rare for me. The odd thing is that when I have a good sleep I wake up feeling shattered.
As Pam has already suggested, if there’s nobody available on this particular thread, try looking at other conversations. You might find somebody awake and posting. You can join in any conversation if you wish or indeed just read them. It can bring some comfort, albeit small, to know there are others going through a similar loss. You are not alone Richard. Sending love x