Richard my love i totally understand your pain i touched lucky i fetched chips ashes last Wednesday. Jean is ok if the funeral home is anything like the one i used then she is in good hands. she having a rest. Bit of tough love now if jean says get your act together then do it. I expect she was the boss like many woman are even though you men think you are so do what jean would want. I would hate to be in your shoes at the moment and i sympathise with you, Truthfully if i was stuck in and had no one i would be in the same frame of mind. You have mentioned family and friends that you cant see, so you have family how would they feel losing Jean and you could u honestly do that to them. After talking to you for a while i dont think you would hurt anyone. this isolation thing is terrible and i couldn’t cope myself if i was alone. the thing is, now you need to find something to keep you occupied all your doing is sitting and thinking. are there any jobs around the house Jean asked you to do if yes do them. call your friends and family as much as you can. you said you had a nice garden look at the weather we got get out in the garden a bit. We are here for you Richard your not alone we are all in pain and dealing with it in our own ways. I sat chips ashes in the tube by the window and put his picture on my bed so he could see outside he loved the sun. do what ever it takes Ricahard for Jean, your break her heart if you did something to yourself and if she with you like i think chip is with me then she is already breaking her heart because she cant help you. id like to know more about jean hobbies what she looked like things she liked to do x
Hi Karie, thank you for being there, and all you other lovely people who take the time to talk to me, I will tell you about Jean, but I just can’t do it at the moment, can hardly see the key board for the tears again, sorry.
Richard xx
i would love to hear about her i love telling people about my chip it keeps their memories alive plus your find yourself talking about things that bring a smile to your face. tell me a bit about yourself if you want to i will be going off about 10 oclock but here till then. im not on of a night. unlike most of you i do sleep ok so while i can sleep i am taking advantage xx
Hi Richard, but you can go somewhere. You can go outside and take exercise as is allowed. Please don’t keep thinking about what you can’t do but what you can do. As advised if there are jobs you have to do then do them. Do your garden. Take small steps and you will get there.
xxxx
Richard, we would love to hear about your lovely Jean. It’s good to talk about our loved ones. My husband gets mentioned daily, in fact I still talk about him as if he’s still here. As Karie said, it keeps them alive. So whenever you’re ready Richard, we’re listening, but only when you’re ready. Xx
Oddly, I feel the opposite about talking about my late wife.
She gets a mention sometimes if my son or my sister rings up, but I don’t want to talk about her to anyone really.
We didn’t have any friends, or much of a social life - we just had each other because that was all we needed.
So I don’t want to share her with anyone else now. My memories are private, Because I don’t talk about her, people might think I don’t think about her, or care. But the opposite is true.
It might seem odd, or make me seem cold, but I don’t care - it suits me and that is all I have to think about now.
Anything goes Jaldi, we’re all different. There’s no rights or wrongs. It doesn’t make you seem odd or cold, not to me anyway. I’ve always enjoyed talking about my man and he crops up in conversation daily, whether it’s with family or friends. I know I will always talk about him. He had a huge presence and he is still noticeable by his absence. We do whatever feels right for us Xx
Hi Jaldi. You are not strange or odd. I feel the same. I have no problem at all reading others posts about their loved ones, but I restrict talking about my wife to my friends who have messaged me. We too just had each other, although I doubt if even in a large family the pain is any the less. It’s such a personal thing and when it comes to it we have to do it alone. It’s a very lonely road, but we can only do as the Buddhists say ‘walk on’.
You are not cold or heartless. No one can or should judge anyone’s actions in grief. We all do it in our own way. I am into 15 months of this process of grief and at times it’s still painful.
Once again we come back to this fact that we do what gives us relief, if only a little. We recently talked about being ‘weird’ and what it meant. No one is ever weird in this awful time. Some of us are gregarious and love being with people. Others prefer to be alone. We are so varied in our temperaments that there is no set way of coping.
Take care and keep posting. John.
I have waited before responding to the conversation about talking about our loved ones. I have been active now for over 2 years, joining after my lovely man (see I have just told you he was a lovely man) and in that time I do share some memories, not many, I have the opportunity to have a group of lovely people who I can share things with. Family can be more difficult as it takes time for memories not to be painful, even now we talk and it can result in tears. But would I not talk about my lovely man…no way…you try to stop me. I talk to him every day, sometimes out loud, but he has become part of me in a different way, he is in my head & heart. I am still guided by his sound counselling…I can work through difficult thoughts by speaking to him.
They haven’t left us to deal with this on our own, if you need them they are there. Whatever path we go down we are all travelling the same road in the end.
Safe thoughts to you all today 
How are you feeling today Richard? I’m off work today so I’m joining the rest of you in lockdown. I have a few jobs planned, one of these being to colour my hair - I refuse to grow old gracefully 
. I’m fighting it with all my might 
.
I’ll take my daily exercise by walking my two dogs. I have some new curtains to hang, washing to do and sweeping along the front of our house. A little weeding perhaps - those little blighters know nothing of lockdown.
Just a little chit chat Richard in the hope that it may brighten your day, if only a little, if only for a while. Stay safe and strong xx
Hi Kate, yes not so bad, did a little washing as the weather is good, been sitting in the garden for an hour or so, have done the cleaning so have the rest of the day to find something to do, sounds if you have a busy day ahead, take care.
Richard xx
I’m pleased to hear you’re doing a few chores Richard. My washing is on the line so I’m off with my broom now 
xx
no it doesn’t make you seem cold, she was yours and you want to keep her that way and why not x
Let’s try and step up on positive messages in unprecedented times of having to deal with self isolating and not seeing the network of support, even neighbours. We can step up on all threads here to make sure we become that virtual support. Even if it’s a just a wee hello, thinking of everyone one.
That’s my plan
san i openly talk to my chip and i dont care who listens i chat to him like i would have when he was here. i kiss his photos and i cuddle his ashes. x
hi kate same here im finding jobs to do its the best way in my opinion but like we know everyone copes differently. stay safe all xx
Good afternoon Richard i am so glad your having a better day today and getting bits done. enjoy the garden and chat away to Jean. make sure your taking good care of yourself maybe cook yourself something nice later xx
Hi Karie, That is one of the things I don’t manage very well, cooking, Jean always cooked and she was an experienced cook so I do make a hash of things at times, can’t go wrong tonight ( I hope ) cooking fish and chips.
Richard xx
practice makes perfect. My chip was the chef in my house made the best Shepherds pie he really could cook. i miss his cooking. id love a shep pie as we called it but i dont want to make one because it was chips thing if you know what i mean. are you making good old fashioned home made chips x
No afraid not, shop bought, know what you mean, Jean used to make lovely shepherds pie also