You misunderstand: I was married for 48 years, and lost her in January 2019.
However, I still love her and always will. Nothing that I do in the future will ever take that away.
But I feel that I have a duty to try to carry on as best as I can. I read somewhere that a person dies but a relationship never does. So I hope you can find it in you to try to find a way through, without worrying that you will forget things that are important to you. You never will.
Good morning Jaldi. Welcome 
Although, I never feel welcome is the right word but you know what I mean. I’m truly sorry for your loss. It’s good that you’re trying new things and looking after yourself. Your wife would be very proud of you. Stay strong. Xx
Gollom, I think it’s lovely that in amongst your grief you can think of others. You take care too and stay safe. Much love xx
jaldi, So sorry I didn’t read your message correctly, I think I may have had one or two many last night, only way I can sleep at the moment.
Regards Richard
I do the same sometimes, but I know it’s the wrong thing to do.
In the short term it helps us through , but it’s a temporary fix.
Things will get better for you. You don’t believe that just now, nobody does, but they will.
Thinking of you.
John
Dear Richard
Just sneaking in a quick reply -(I should be working!). No the site is countrywide - we are spread from people in Scotland to the West Country - all over including the USA. The other site I am part of is WayUp. (It is for widows and widowers) and as well as having a forum they usually arrange local meetings. I was brave and joined one of their quiz teams a few months ago - because of the virus we can no longer meet up face to face but have a whatsapp group - that we chat through. They are lovely people and whilst it took me a while to join in (they vary from the newly bereaved to those who lost their partners years ago) as I felt too newly bereaved initially I value the daily chats - often about nothing but nice to have the contact. Best of all my phone calls with the people I have ‘met’ through this site are wonderful. Please take care of yourself. I see you cut your lawn - well done - that is a definite tick - little steps - and I am sure your Jean would approve .
Trisha xx
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i live in worcester Richard i assumed we are all over the place x
I live in Wimbledon Karie - but as people generally put where they are from - one of the ladies I am now good friends with lived just a couple of miles from me - I made contact with her via text and we started off with a coffee in a costa. I had hoped to meet up with Patti in the summer when we were considering a trip to her part of the world - but it did not happen - maybe next year when this confinement is over!
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Hi Richard its 4 weeks since i lost my chip. i cant believe it i feels like its been forever and i also feel i was talking to him just yesterday. I tried to get back to normal life as soon as i could and it has done me the world of good. Doing nothing only leaves me time to think and then i make myself think more and i drag up things in my head that just hurt me. I feel guilty for going on as normal because chip cant. I hate the weather today because chip loved the sun i dont want to enjoy it if he isn’t. However chip knows i wouldn’t handle not doing anything so i believe he is with me 100 % by plodding on with life. There are things that are very hard and even programmes on tele i avoid now because it hurts. like the chase we always sat down and played to see who was smarter that day. My daughter keeps telling me he is with you and i do feel him around so if im happy surely he is happy and vice versa. If im seeing the sun he is. i read a lot usually in the bath chip used to bring me a cuppa and sit with me this was practically every day. now i hate having a bath. Richard you must get back to some kind of normal life. I dont think any of use ever except our loved one has passed we just learn to live with them not being there any more. I have chatted away to chip this morning as if he was sat right next to me. I brought his ashes downstairs and put them on the mantel because i dont want him to be alone. In a way im still caring for him. You haven’t got to forget Jean its the opposite take her everywhere and talk to her. She is with you love never dies. x
i think thats great Trisha, After a while people around you go on as normal and you feel lost alone again, so being able to chat to someone who knows how important it is to be able to talk about how your feeling is great. I like to tell people about my chip and how wonderful he was dont get me wrong he had faults lots of them but dont we all but i want people to know him. x
Hi Karie, I live on the coast in east sussex about twelve miles outside of Brighton, very difficult to go anywhere now karie, so have to make the most of the weather and go out in the garden, I would never forget Jean she will be with me till my last day.
Richard xx
Dear Karie
Yes it does help so much to really talk to someone who understands as they feel the same. When I first went back to work I used to cry all the way there and all the way back in the car - because Gary used to talk to me (we have a car with complete hands free) and I think people wondered who this mad person in the car next to them was who had tears pouring down their face. So now my friend chats to me while I drive through Richmond park in the morning and again at home at night. Am actually talking to her now too - no more commutes at the moment. We all need support at this time. Take care and if you ever fancy a chat private message me. By the way I love your husband’s name - I have only ever known one other Chip and he was a banjo player who was in a band with my husband for a short time.
Take care
Trisha xx
im so glad you have someone to talk to your not the only ones who has cried their eyes out in the car i have done it a few times usually on the way home knowing chip wont be there. xx
Wednesday night, wanted a chat with someone, had a terrible day don’t know why, had that feeling again that I don’t want to live like this, just don’t see the point of living like this, got nothing to live for, what have I got to live for, nothing is the answer, without Jean I am lost, I just miss her so much it is tearing me apart, I just can’t see anyway ahead, I just can’t carry on like this, I hate my life right now.
Richard
Hi Richard. I guess everyone must have gone to sleep 
. I hope you managed to get some. I’m afraid some days are like that. In the beginning of our grief there are dark days and there are even darker days. After a while some ok days creep in. Eventually the ok days overtake the dark days. All any of us can do is take one day at a time. Of course you miss Jean just as I miss David. Of course you do. And we will go on missing them for the rest of our lives and that’s just as it should be. But they are with us Richard and I know my love for my husband continues to grow. My heart is at bursting point, full of love 
.
In the early days of our grief we all felt similar to the way you’re feeling now. It’s been 2 years and 9 months since I lost my man and I have no idea how I’ve come this far but I have. I have my coping strategies, one of these being my journal, which I know I’ve mentioned before.
It’s not the life any of us would have chosen and sometimes I feel angry that my husband was only allowed 2 measly months of the retirement he had so been looking forward to. With that in mind, I have to live my life in the best way I can - if not for me then for David, because he loved life and he had so many projects to do that life was never going to be long enough for him.
Stay strong Richard, you can do this with Jean in your heart. xx
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Hi. Richard. It’s such early days for you. Read what Kate and the others say, they make so much sense. My wife died 16 months ago and it’s still painful at times but I continue to soldier on. We all know your pain. It’s about the worse experience possible and a real life trauma.
So many on this site have manged the initial stages of grief and are still on here helping others who are new to bereavement. As time passes you can do that with your experience and the pain you are suffering now.
But at the moment it’s one day at a time. Try not to look ahead at what might be. In life we never know from day to day what will happen.
I have shed tears, gallons! Guys don’t cry? Well this one does. No ‘stiff upper lip’ for me. I still do though it’s not as bad. Take it easy mate. Try and look after yourself as Jean would have wanted. I know my wife would not want me miserable.
Blessings. John.
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Hello again, Richard.
Jonathan 123’s advice is good.
Feeling as you do, you can’t think of a future, don’t want to go on, and hate your life at the moment.
We all recognise and understand those feelings, because we’ve all had them.
You can’t believe that things will get better, that you will ever find a reason to go on, because this is a new situation for you, one that you haven’t had to deal with before
So, don’t try, Just trust the people on this site who have been through the same as you, and have managed to get through. If you can’t believe anything else, believe the kind folks who assure you that you will feel better in the future.
Hope that helps. It helps me to try to support you a little.
John
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honestly Richard what would Jean say to you right now. how would she feel about it x
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Karie, I know she would tell me to get my act together, but it’s easier said than done, as you all know, I am just so low at the moment and being on my own all the time is not helping, I can’t get motivated to do anything, I can’t go anywhere because of this bloody virus, everything has all happened at the same time, can’t get counselling at the moment, can’t go and see friends or family, not even my mate next door for a chat only on the phone, can’t even collect Jeans ashes, paid for the funeral yesterday and they told me that I can’t go down to them because they aren’t letting anyone in, had to pay over the phone.
Richard xx
*1. You are not on your own - there are many people on this site who are taking the time to try to offer you support.
2. You can go outdoors, take a walk, try to get some fresh air. If you have a garden, you can sit in it, listen to the birds. Try to think of what you can do, rather than what you can’t.
3. Your wife’s ashes are quite safe where they are. You don’t need them at the moment . You can deal with them later, when you might feel stronge.
Regards
John
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