Oh Steph I like literally can’t wait I’m like a kid waiting for Xmas I’ve got lots of love here waiting for them I’m a fun nan aswell so will do lots with them. My son told me when he does have a baby can he trust me to take the baby back haaaaa he knows what im like I love a house with people visiting I can’t stand my own company all the time I come from a loving home my dad is from a big family so we always had aunty’s uncles cousins there our home was where we had any get togethers. I was a mum at 17 then my boys grew up moved on n I’m like how has this even happened xx
Alex ,I know what you mean. I’m a silly nan, I love chasing them around , and just constantly playing with them I’m like a big kid, who never grew up lol. Like you say when my kids were young you think it’s gonna last forever and then in a blink of an eye they’re grown up,and don’t want cuddles so much, so the poor grandkids are getting it all now lol.
Aww you’ll make a great nan, it is lovely to grow up in a big family, you just have to push them lol x
Oh Steph I’m sick of asking them but both of them like there holidays too much n are very career minded it’s like ok I don’t care just give me a grandchild haaaa. I’m bonkers me need to find myself again lost myself in grief need to find out what I like now but one thing I won’t change is who I am personality wise xx
No don’t change Alex, grandkids will come , you’re so strong and sound full of fun and energy.
Those future grandkids are gonna have lots of fun ,you will find yourself again x
I need to find me again I put up a great from in front of the clients I have on my caseload as I don’t believe in taking your negativity into the workplace leave my shoes n my personal life on the step n my work hat goes on thenbgreat at doing that I am xxx
That’s the thing , while you’re at work you can put up a front, and blank out things for a while, but then it’s the coming home, and closing the door and everything hits you again . It’s still very early days for you, perhaps you’re pushing a lot of the grief away cos of work, it’s so hard. I find when I’m busy I’m ok but as soon as I stop , it hits hard x
Steph your so right when I’m in work it helps coz I’m busy but once I’m at home my stomach does summersaults the fear of going into an empty house then my mind starts then n the tears flow and I get angry with myself n say why oh why n when is this gunna stop xx
It’s so hard, but we’re all here to help you and each other x
Thank you xx
How is everyone coping today? I am soooooooooo bored 
as I make my bed in the morning I am counting the hours till I can get back in it as sleep passes the time. I take Daisy dog out for her walk, have a wee shout across the 2metres to neighbours 
watch some utter 
on Netflix. My house is spotless but what’s the point its not like I am getting any visitors is it! I have cleaned out every cupboard & drawer, put my books in alphabetical order 
looked at every photo & video I own. Answer emails, texts and phone calls. Eat copious amounts of chocolate & half heartedly do the Joe Wicks workout on tv (only cos he’s quite fit looking ) Dance along to Nothern soul in the kitchen, learn how to contour my fat face on youtube. Read, cook and sing along to Lady Gaga songs. Play online sudoku & mah-jong, give myself a pedicure, count my remaining toilet rolls and its still only 12.30 
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Mrs colt you are hilarious that’s just made me laugh it’s shit isn’t it were all gunna end up with OCD by the time this is over your post is great love it. I’m ok I think we’ll for today anyway if you have a rug with a pattern on it count how many squares or circles you have on it. What I did notice is that you missed your windows so there’s a little job for you to do 
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Oh noooo I will have to get my chamois now thanks for the heads up 
I am glad you are having an okish day its hell isn’t it? you have a few tear free days then BAM it knocks the feet from you again and you are back to square one. I guess we have to get used to it as they say ‘Its our new normal’
V xx
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Oh V it is isn’t it bit get your chamois out and I can’t see this lockdown ending anytime soon either. This morning I got up n just thought shit another day of tears living on my nerves. Then on my way to work had a lil word with myself n thought no my clients need me today I will do my crying when I get home or on way home knowing I’m going into an empty house can it get any worse 
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That’s so funny V, it is like that -,every day is like Groundhog Day. I do think what’s the point of getting up, might aswell stay there. Feel like a robot doing the same things. You do make me laugh x
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I think you are right Alex this lockdown is going on for a while yet. I am going to be like the bearded lady at this rate, I am already like bloody Edward scissor hands with my Acrylic nails will need to soak them off, Daisy is walking around with her home groom haircut with a look of disgust on her wee face
It’s the coming in to an empty house and nobody to hear about your day that’s the killer eh 
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Great post isn’t it Steph I’m still reading it n laughing thanks v that’s cheered me up waiting for your next post 
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It is, v always makes me laugh
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Spot on Step, groundhog Day is now groundhog week soon to be months! I miss meeting the girls for coffee and going for a meal. I am ok on my own, getting used to it now really I think it’s because we know we can’t go out now that makes it a bit worse as I have never conformed but this is serious stuff so I am doing what Boris told me xx
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Bearded lady Edward scissor hands, I haven’t laughed so much in ages. We’re all gonna look like Wolly mammoths after this , not being able to have a hair cut, we’re all be new human species I think we’re all going mad 
x
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I know, we are going to emerge like cave women it’s gone full circle. My beaver will need a barber at this rate x
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