I feel your pain. 4 months ago my life changed forever. All of the “firsts” are so excruciating. I am just on my way home from Cornwall after staying with our son for a week but that was so bitter sweet. It was lovely to spend time with our family and have hugs with our grandchildren but there was a big void because my husband wasn’t with me. Cried myself to sleep every night just like I do at home 
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Thinking of you. We are all together, all in the embrace of sadness and sorrow, confusion and despair. But because we are together we have a strength - no longer totally alone, totally lost. We are props and scaffold and will not fall into the pit. The first steps are the hardest and these are taken. Keep going, move forward. Our partners are with us. For them we will see this through.
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I feel so deeply for you. We loved Cornwall, we were in Holywell Bay last September and planned to go to Looe again this year. Then we had the shocking news just in January that he had terminal cancer, just 3 short months ago, then 6 weeks later he was gone.
My heart breaks for you I know how hard it must be I can’t face the thought of going anywhere without Roger. I can’t face the thought of anything without him.
We are all together in this parade of broken hearts, all coming together to help in whatever way we can. And I do find it a help, I can put down my thoughts and feelings and know others understand because we’re all going through the same thing.
I cant see a time when I wont be crying but everyone tells me it will get easier. We’ll see, after the funeral tomorrow. I know I’ve got to try and start to move on. And yes he will always be with me in my heart, in my memories and always on my mind. But moving on will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
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Hi Liro
My husband collapsed with a brain aneurysm on 23/02/2024, he was dead on arrival at hospital but we had to turn off his life support on 25/02/2024. That was when my life ended.
Like you, I don’t know how you get over these things, I spoke to him in the phone a t 10.45am and he was fine, got the message at 2.15pm that he was in resus.
The first couple of weeks I was manic, cleaning everywhere, singing his favourite songs, going around like a crazy woman. Then I think it hit me, and I began to realise this is forever. How do we cope?
Now the stupidest things make me heartbroken, tonight it was when I was making a cuppa to take to bed, he loved his tea, it was a massive joke that he would never turn one down. I’ve cried for over an hour because I couldn’t make a cuppa for him.
I wish you peace on your journey. Just know that you are not ever alone.
Love and hugs
Gail xx
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Hi Gail. My heart aches for you. That was the same day that my husband died but I did know it was coming. What a terrible shock it must have been for you.
Ive been through the denial, expecting him to come back through the door but now reality is really hitting and I’m dreading tomorrow. Today was the last time I got to sit with Roger and it absolutely broke me having to leave him knowing I can never do it again. Tomorrow I will go through the motions but inside I will be dying. I really ront know how to carry on. I’ve been focusing on the funeral for so long, what will I focus on now. My family and friends are there for me but I feel so lost and alone and the tears barely stop.
I know with the love and help of people around me, and the support from this fantastic community I will get through. But the journey is so painful.
My thoughts are with you Gail
Love and hugs to you x x
Hi Liro
I was also dreading the funeral, but it went well. The sun shone, our families and friends were there and knowing that we all loved him made it easier, as I am sure it will for you.
When John’s ashes were brought home I felt such contentment knowing he was with me again, his urn is in my lounge where it will stay until the day I join him once more.
I go in there and talk to him, tell him my troubles, tell him off for leaving me and then I cuddle his urn and weep for what we have lost.
I will be thinking of you and your family today, hoping that you find comfort in the love you share for your wonderful man.
Have a peaceful day, let everyone support you as you celebrate the life of your love.
Love and hugs
Gail x
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Hi Gail
Thankyou so much for your kind words
I’ve managed to get a bit of sleep but I’ve soon got to get up and face the reality of the day.
I’m already crying at the thought, its becoming far too real.
I will get through it I know, but I’m dreading it. I just hope everything goes well. I want to do him proud, he was everything to me and now I’ve got to let him go.
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Thankyou so much.
The day has been perfect. Only one thing missing …
X x
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Yes bedtime is bad. Sharing a bed with Anne was one of the great joys of my life - next to the one you love, warm, alive - to touch, hold hands, basic, fundamental, human. And that is no more. Taken away, irreplaceable. A real kick in the teeth. Sorry to be so morbid but the first anniversary is nearing which is stirring up memories of the last days which were not good. Spent in hospital - big mistake - the care Anne received was atrocious - nobody seemed to know what they were doing . I had cared for her for two years and was coping but her condition - myeloma - was worsening and it was felt that she should be admitted for assessment. Worst decision of my life. What a joke, no one had a clue. Put her on an open ward and within a fortnight gave her Covid. Then it was curtains. Her weakened, battered body could no longer cope even though she fought like crazy until there was nothing left. Requiescat in pace Anne. You were a better person than me.
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@Liro
I hope all went well with the Funeral today, i will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers 
xx
Wonderful, well done you xx
Thankyou all so much for caring and your support.
The funeral was absolutely beautiful. I can’t believe how well it went and how many people came to say goodbye and pay their respects.
Unfortunately now reality is starting to set in and I’m beginning to realise whats happened. I’ve now got start sgain without him, my love, my life, my everything.
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@Liro I am so glad it went as you wanted and I’m sure he would be proud of you for arranging things at a time when everything is really hard. I have similar coming up and like you can’t think how I will cope afterwards. I guess we both will though as our loved ones would want that and we don’t really have a choice when it comes to it. At least there are other kindred souls who understand on here to help xx
Thankyou starbright.
Yes today was perfect, but now I’ve got to think about how I’m going to go on.
I cried right through the service but I held it together for the wake, so many people all saying wonderful things.
Now its all over and I can feel myself starting to crumble. I really don’t know what I’m going to do now. My friends and family have got my weekend all planned but I’ve still got to start wanting to live again, and I don’t know how, or even if I want to.
But as I’ve said before, I promised Roger I’d be ok so I must. It’s just going to take a while
I will be thinking of you when the time comes and hope everything goes as well as it did for us.
Don’t forget we’re all here to help each other, and we’re all going through the same heartache.
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Lovely words and yes we are all walking the same lonely path but being in this community helps to know we are not alone xx
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I went to Looe but I wasn’t really there if you know what I mean, too many memories of being there with Dave.
Hope everything went ok today at the funeral. Thinking of you as you approach the next stage of this cruel journey we are all taking xx
Thankyou Shaz10
We loved Looe and said we’d go back again but it wasnt to be. Roger wanted his ashes scattered but he never said where. I did think of taking him back to Looe but I couldnt bear the thought of leaving him behind, so I will have to have a re think.
The funeral was perfect thank you, a fitting tribute to a wonderful man.
I’m so glad I found this community where all these broken hearts can come together and help us all through our grief, knowing we are all going through this horrendous journey together, helping each other by listening and just being there x x
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Well here I go again
Yesterday was such a special day, the outpouring of love for Roger was incredible.
Now I’ve woken (not that I slept much) to the stark reality that I’m now on my own and he’s not comimg back. I can no longer go and sit with him and leaving him behind was the hardest thing ive ever done.
Now I just feel totally empty and as wretched as in the first days of this horrendous journey.
The funeral had given me something to focus on. Now I can only see long lonely days without him. The tears are pouring, they just wont stop. I know I’m lucky to have the love and support of friends and family but nothing is helping me at the moment. I just dont know how I’m going to get through this. I dont know if I want to anymore. I miss him so much and its getting harder and harder.
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@Liro how has your day been? Did you manage to distract yourself at all? I hate the weekends even now so imagine after next Tuesday they will get worse. People are already drifting back to their own lives and I expect the funeral will accelerate this. I really hope you aren’t feeling too low and that you are coping the best you can xx