Change

Losing a partner
21

I can only imagine that knowing you are dying there is a point where you must come to terms with it and if there is a lot of pain a feeling of eventual release that it will all go away

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22

I think if it was any of us we would want it to end especially if it is a terminal diagnoses. I know I would, knowing there is no hope would just prolong the agony of facing your eventual death

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23

Yeh their body is fighting to live ā€¦ it will take up all their energy :frowning: its awful ā€¦ i hate to think of him like that but you go through a stage of thinking about it ā€¦ im further on in this journey than you probablyā€¦ x

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24

But then without being too morbidā€¦life is a prolonged death

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25

It will be 12mths on Friday :broken_heart: but the first year anniversary is no harder than living without them every day to me

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26

Itā€™s different strokes for different folks

She went through massive operation that had 8 internal organs removed or partially removed, 8 consecutive months of chemo, multiple biopsies and other procedures.

I would have given up long ago, but she fought to the bitter end and refused to give in - it was her body that eventually failed her

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27

Thatā€™s going to be tough :pensive::pensive:

I just had her first birthday a couple of weeks ago and struggled with that - not looking forward to anniversary

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28

It goes to show how strong will power can be but like you say each of us are different and until we are faced with death we donā€™t know how we would deal with it. The body itself can only take so much though

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29

I donā€™t know how I will deal with the first anniversary on Friday, I have learnt along this journey that we cannot predict what we will feel or when. I want to be able to celebrate his life but grief may have other ideas

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30

Iā€™m sure itā€™s going to be heartbreaking, but hope itā€™s as kind as could possibly be

Donā€™t really know what to do that day

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31

You will know when it comes to it ā€¦ :slight_smile:

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32

Yeh try celebrate it but like you say grief sometimes has other ideas ā€¦ x

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33

This is so trueā€¦.

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34

@LynT . I have to believe that I will be with my husband one day . Thatā€™s what keeps me going , we will be together again , husband and wife physically and emotionally. But with no pain or illness , and we will live eternally together. ā€¦the one thing that does worry me , my husband will always be 59 . As the years go by I will be getting older . Will he still want me . Or even recognise me . But if my ( fairytale) ending doesnā€™t happen . I will be dead and wonā€™t know .

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35

Hi, I think like that also, I read somewhere that when you go to the afterlife you can change your image to any stage of your life so we will recognise them, I also want to believe we meet again & as you say if weā€™re wrong we wonā€™t know, Iā€™d rather that then feel grief much more intensely & then we do meet again, Iā€™d have had lots of additional sorrow for nothing.

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36

My husband knew he was dying from pancreatic cancer even before he was told by the doctors ,he started to get everything ready for me,he came home from hospital 2 weeks later ,and died at home by this time he was losing weight fast through the cancer

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37

@MemoriesOfUs
Thank you, my emotions are bubbling just beneath the surface as it nears the dreaded ā€˜D day anniversaryā€™ , I am just going to deal with it as just another day without him. I will just sit quietly reflecting with my memories and light a candle. There are no big gestures because he simply is not here so whatā€™s the point ā€¦when is the first for you?

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38

Thank you for your message

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39

@Deb5 I think our emotions dictate to us as to what we are actually able to do. I donā€™t really want to focus on it as itā€™s a day remembered with trauma and flashbacks to that moment in time when our lives changed forever so think I will just let It be

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40

@LynT I lost my partner 24 June 2023 - so 3 months on Sunday will be the anniversary :pensive:
Probably take day off work and spend day at grave and park where I scattered her ashes.

Difficult - day you donā€™t want to remember, but itā€™s now part of your history, whether you like it or not - sort of feel obligated to honour her memory on that day, as difficult as it may be

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