No, it definitely hasn’t, and has stopped me doing a lot of what I planned.
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That’s what I have found, worse in different ways. The reality, the lonliness, the can’t be bothered.
I’m addressing the can’t be bothered. I’m doing things. But only things I want to do.
I think I’ve realised what they mean by being ‘kind to yourself’.
I always wondered how
But a glass of wine and doing my diamond painting, which I want to do.
Instead of sitting here with a glass of wine looking at the knitting I don’t want to do, so doing nothing.
I think that’s being kind to myself,
doing something I want to do,
not something I think I should be doing but don’t really want to
I hope that makes sense. I haven’t drunk the wine yet 
X x
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That makes sense. The problem is, a lot of what I don’t want to do includes a massive list of things to do on the house, and I’ve just been too depressed even to pick up the phone and get them sorted. I got a lot done last year, this year, zilch.
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It horrible Kathy.
I really didn’t believe it was a ‘thing’ now I know.
I suppose all we can do is ride it out and hope the 3rd year is better
Can your to do list for the house wait? Could you put it out of your mind for a while?
I know I’m lucky, I haven’t got your hip problem, and I have got friends and family around.
We’re all here for you Kathy.
We seem a bit low in numbers at the moment, but us that are here are here for you.
Big hugs 
X x 
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Thanks so much. Some house stuff can be left, some can’t. In the meantime I’m doing stupid things like ordering new cushions, just to make it look better, instead of tackling the real stuff. xx
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I know how you are feeling and I am in my second year. Need to do work to the bungalow but can’t be bothered. Doesn’t feel like a home anymore. Have been ill all weekend with a stomach bug even water was going straight through me. Just so down. Have noticed some friends don’t contact me as much as they did. Take care xxx
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Sandra, Liz and Kathy thanks for your posts.
Liz you didn’t upset me but quite the opposite.
Kathy your post about not bothering etc really struck a chord.
I have put off completing a tax organiser fir my USA taxes til this weekend. I want to send it by end of may so have time. I have other things I feel like I should do but just prioritising things.
I was going to go to an external training session Tues afternoon just to not have to do proper work but am going to try and get someone else to attend. I just don’t feel like making an effort at the moment.
I have counselling tomorrow and not looking forward to it. But will have it. After Mon only 2 more and not sure I want the rest but will see.
Siobhan 
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Sharon I am ill too and it does make things alot harder so try to give yourself a break.
Siobhan xx
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Evening all.
Sandra I handing thought about your carers. Yes I suppose you have to be awake and ready for them when they come. It’s an early start for you. Do you have a nap later in the day?
Wish you could have a go on est 1% club. I bet you’d win some money.
Siobhan I think you’re just really run down. Those of us who don’t work can grieve throughout the day but you have to cope with grieving and work. I can’t imagine how hard that is. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
Linda sounds like you had a relaxing morning, that’s nice. Hope Mr F is a good boy tonight too. That brownie looks nice. Good for you treating yourself.
Liz hope you had a nice morning at church. Can’t believe you’ve never had cauliflower cheese. I love it.
Congratulations on winning the raffle. Enjoy your egg.
I’m another who can’t read any more. So annoying.
Siobhan I talk out loud to Ken most of the day. Does anyone else do that ?
Im getting close to my second year. I’ve heard from many that it’s worse and I’m dreading it. The loneliness is awful .
The flat so quiet. We’ll get through it together somehow.
Kathy I’m living in the past a lot too. It hurts when you keep coming across things they loved to do or eat an they’re not there to enjoy it anymore.
I’m really not interested in housework anymore. Can’t bring myself to be bothered. Lost interest in so many things. I go out and do lots of things but I feel I’m just passing time. I have never been to so many garden centres in my life or drunk so many cappuccinos.
Sharon sorry to hear you’re not feeling well either, hope things improve soon.
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It is so hard as Greg would have been there to look after me now there is no one xxx
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Lucy. I need to be up at 6 a.m. to be ready for them I keep saying I will nap in the day but rarely do.
I don’t think I would do well under the pressure of the 1% Club in a studio and under lights but nice of you to think I would.
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Sorry you’re unwell. Yes, I dread getting ill, as there’s nobody to look after you. Hope you feel better soon. You must be so lonely with it. Sending hugs.
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Sharon I was thinking the same about drew
Just to even have someone physically in your home that empathizes for you and hold your hand etc. We have to help each other.
Lucy thanks. I am only just into the 2nd year. We’re here for you when you reach that milestone.
Siobhan
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Kathy thats not doing stupid things. If it makes you happy, if only for a little while
Then it’s worth it
I really do wish we all lived closer.
We could all look out for each other
But I’m here with heart and hands anytime you want them
Big hugs for you 
Liz x x
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Sharon I’m sorry you’re not well. Yes it is harder when the one we want to look after us, isn’t there.
All part of the hell we’re in
Most of us in this group are in or starting the 2nd year, the others are coming up to it.
We will do what we’ve done all along and be there for each other. With support and understanding
I have been lucky with my friends but they don’t really understand.
But I don’t blame them.
I never knew.
How could we? Until it happened to us
My heart and hands are here for you
X x
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Lucy I’m sorry if anything we’ve said has scared you about the 2nd year.
Please don’t be scared. It is worse but in a different way, a different kind of worse. Terrible grammar I know.
We will all be here to help you through.
I have to have music playing constantly. Carefully selected playlists of songs I like but songs that won’t make me cry.
My daughter even showed me how to turn it on before I get in, so it’s not quiet when I come through the door.
It’s helped a bit
We are all here for you you’re not alone
Big hugs
Liz x x
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April 27th candles lit and posted xx
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Thank you xx
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Thank you. xx
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Thank you for the candles Linda.
Don’t worry Liz it’s better to tell the truth about things it saves others thinking there’s something wrong with them.
If I find my second year worse then I’ll know I’m not alone in that.
I normally get jittery about 7.30 to 8 pm. When it’s really late I think about going to bed but in the earlier hours I start getting anxious. Tonight I decided to just let the thoughts about being lonely or the future to pass through my mind and I have been doing a jigsaw. Didn’t totally distract me but it helped.
I’m off to bed now. I hope all those who are poorly have a good night and sleep well.
Hugs for all who need one. Thanks for being there x
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