Hi Jane
I try to limit my time online, not just on here but I do find sometimes reading of everyone’s pain and heartbreak can pull you down as well, so I tend to dip in and out. I had a low a few weeks ago but on the up swing recently, it really is up and down.
How are you lovely?
I have been watching my mum, your dad on ITV3 and even though none of them are bereaved, you can see the loneliness they are all experiencing and how it affects their confidence and self esteem. It seems not having a partner is quite detrimental to our mental health xx
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I have to agree with you Lyn, I have also limited my time on here, it is difficult because you have traveled this dreadful path with so many on here, I also dip in and out but sometimes I just need a break from the sadness, I assume it is all part of learning to cope a bit better, I still have awful days where I just can’t get a grip but during these times I know I have had better times and it is this that keeps you battling on, it is six months and 1 day since I lost my wife, I withdrew from “normal” life but I now make myself do things, go out shopping if I have to, call on the one or two understanding family and friends now and again, I also put up with the ones that call on me with no clue of what it is about but at least they have called!
It really is a very slow journey, a roller coaster, 2 steps forward and 3 back, days of sorrow, anxiety, irritation at other people, disbelief, what the hell do I do now etc etc, but a lot of you know this and others, sadly, have it to learn.
I have just let it take it’s course, I don’t set goals, I don’t make plans, I post on here to vent frustrations and to try and help even a little bit, the poor souls who have just found themselves in this club but I know life will never be the same (rather obvious!) I never was the soul of the party or even sociable! so I think I can accept the quiet, probably a little recluse life that is ahead, who knows?!
I am still a member of this club as I know I shall continue to need it.
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Agree, I also see all the newly bereaved people on here who want to be out of this pain, heartbreak and loneliness and asking if it gets better, this was once me too but now strangely I let the grief in fully and sometimes welcome it, as it reminds me of the love I had and the gratitude I feel for having that love and the connection with my husband. I also accept grief is also the loss of self and having to come to terms that it has changed me forever and some of that grief/change has made me a better person. The loneliness is the difficult part for me and the sadness but you learn how to cope with it but it all takes time, grief will not be rushed, skipped or ignored, it’s the total of expression of the love you feel and finding a new outlet for that love. I too try to help others that have been where I once was but it is a solitary journey that only went ourselves can negotiate but being amongst others who understand it is a huge support and for me better than any counselling. 6mths is still early days and I love the maturity and compassion you show. Keep trucking on Lyn
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Hi everyone
I am in desperate need of some support tonight.
It is 21 weeks tonight at 10-30 pm since my
Wonderful Sam passed away.
I have been very very down these past two days
and even more so today and tonight.
I will again cover my clock so I can’t see the time
as I lie in bed.
I am beside myself and have been crying on and off all day.
I miss him and our life so much.
Doreen x
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It is just heartbreaking. I never expected to be in this position. I never gave it a though. The lonliness and sadness is beyond anything I have ever experienced. Sending you a huge hug xx
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My husband died at the end of May. I don’t look at dates, or count the weeks anymore. Birthdays and special dates are just another day. I don’t register the time it happened.
It’s just how I manage. Too many significant times, days and dates.
Every day is the same as the last. But I think that bit, by bit, I am getting used to it. Not loving it, and wishing with all my heart that it wasn’t so. But, what choice do we have?
Sending hugs xx
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Hi Dol I am sorry you are feeling this way, I had a meltdown yesterday at the Drs and cried all day ended up crying myself to sleep. This road we find ourselves on is awful and I can’t see any end to it. It is 2 months since my Ray passed away in bed beside me 7 weeks after being diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer 10 days after our 52nd Wedding Anniversary. We need to allow ourselves time to grieve there is no time limit. Sending you a hug
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Dear Doreen, I am so sorry that you are down tonight. It comes over us all and the emotion we feel is imaginable unless you have gone through a loss like ours x
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So sorry.
Like others here, I understand .
Sending you a big hug xx
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Thank you so much for support xxx
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Thank you so much.
It is true unless you have walked in our shoes
You can never ever understand.
Sympathy yes which I appreciate .
Thank you for message I was in bits last night.
Doreen x
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Hello rose garden
I know you understand and I thank you for your support.
I dread weekends.
Doreen x
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Hello willow
Thank you so much for your support I did not feel so quite alone last night with the messages I received last night.
I was really really desperate and cried.
I count the days weeks etc.
I go over and over this time last month this time
Three months ago.
Last birthday and it is truly dreadful.
Getting up and going to bed in our house is so quiet and lonely.
I know all of us are having to face this and I just
feel so sad for us all.
We have found each other on here so that is a good thing.
Thank you all.
Love Doreen xx
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I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you last night.
But I’m here now
Thinking of you and sending big big hugs
Liz x x
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Hello liro
Thank you so much for your message.
I was in bits last night and I dread weekends especially.
I can’t get my head around the fact that I am now all alone for ever now.
This is now what is my life such as it is now.
I know all of us on here feel like this all of us at different stages.
I just can’t imagine myself at a different stage
Or ever feeling any better .
After friends call and text messages read and grateful for them I am still alone.
I reached out last night in the depths of my despair and I had some lovely friends reply.
I am so glad I have found us but so very sad
as I know what we are all going through.
Thank you and every one else for your support.
Love Doreen x
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Oh Doreen
I do know how you feel, truly I do
I was told by a counsellor on Thursday that it’s still very early days. I’m to cry if I want to cry, be kinder to myself and stop beating myself up. Just to go with it.
My point is I’m over 6 months now, 30 weeks, so actually over 7.
If I’m still struggling at times please believe me thay what you’re feeling is quite normal.
We will improve but its a long journey
The price we’re paying for loving someone so much.
Love and big hugs
Liz x x
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Its so truly hard its 15 weeks today for me and every day I cry. For myself for Gra and our dreams. I send hugs to us all Jo xxx
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Hello jen can I call you that?
I also cry for our dreams our future which has now gone.
I can’t believe it has happened and just long for it somehow to come back.
I know you said you are agoraphobic so it must be absolutely terrible to struggle with going out.
How are you doing with that?
I could actually scream out loud with the pain of this.
I try not to be too emotional as my little cocker
spaniel picks up on it and gets very distressed.
She is really missing her dad and is still looking
in rooms for him.
I am aware that some family members are
uncomfortable when I speak of my distress
so I don’t say much to them .
I think they think I should be getting over this.
Well I know it will happen to them then they
Will know .
Love and comfort Doreen x
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Hello Rosiejack
I agree with you what is the point anymore .
I am sorry work was horrible for you can you not get a note from your GP for a little more time off work.
I know I have mentioned my little cocker spaniel
Lavender missing her dad and being very quiet
and I wondered if you had noticed that with
jack?
Pets know there is something wrong.
The walks help her and give me a purpose.
I buy myself flowers lilys every week because
my Sam used to do that for me and I cry every
time I put them in the vase.
I too will grieve for the rest of my life nothing can ever change that.
Time?? well I have plenty of that or at least I think I have…
We all assume we have until it is cruelly snatched away.
Love and comfort Doreen x
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Hi @Dol1 and @Rosiejack
I do understand honestly.
I’ve been where you are and I’m now trying to pick myself up
I promised Roger that I would live my life. But its so very hard. I am trying and failing a lot of the time.
But everytime I fall I try to pick myself up and move forward.
Believe me its not easy,
And I will grieve for the rest of my life.
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