It’s ok Lucy. I know I was there when I could be. It’s irrational I know but as you know it doesn’t help. He was lucid until the last couple of days and had lots of visitors. Friends, family and even our financial advisor who drove from ascot. I don’t think there was a day when someone didn’t visit. On his last day his Masonic brethren visited him.
The morphine meant he couldn’t use his phone but I got the ward to connect me.
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Good morning everyone, I’ve woken up at last
I wish I’d found those tablets a while ago when I couldn’t sleep
Trouble is now I can’t stay awake for long. I’m hoping to get used to them, because they do help with the pain
I dreamt of Roger last night and actually woke smiling.
I don’t think we had any really bad weather, its a bit gloomy but thats all
I’m glad Tonys still ok
Siobhan you’ve had that sore throat for a while, have you seen the doctor?
Sandra I’m sorry you’re carrying guilt, but I think we all do and we shouldn’t. Its just part of grieving. I feel guilty for having a go and calling him selfish just a week before he died. I was exhausted and everyone says don’t feel guilty but I do.
I hope everyone is out, or on the way out, of the swamp today.
If not my hands are here, as long as I’m awake of course 
Love and hugs to everyone
Liz x x
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Good morning Jane.
I hope you’re feeling a bit better today and aren’t in too much pain
And I hope you’re managing to get some rest
Will be thinking of you
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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You mustn’t blame yourself. Both my parents died when I wasn’t there. I was also asked to sign a DNR for my Dad, due to the lack of quality of life should he recover from his heart attack. For many years I thought I had killed him; the guilt was terrible. We do the very best we can for those we love, and they know that, and would never want us to go through that guilt. What matters is not whether we were there at the end, but how we loved and cared for them in life. xxx
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Thanks Liz. I saw the nurse last Thursday. She said my throat looked good, no swollen glands, no temp etc. a virus. I know other people have had stuff that’s lasted awhile. It may be the stress finally catching up.
Sandra - I think we all feel guilt. I slept in the guest bedroom for the last few nights because I needed sleep. On his last night I slept in our room & he was in the lounge, as nurse suggested. I was with him when he died but he had a DNR but I couldn’t find it. So the paramedics still did it for a bit. I feel guilt about not staying with him, not finding the DNR paper quicker ( it was behind the drawer I looked in). We all loved our partners & I am sure they knew that too. So let’s try to focus on that.
Love and hugs to all. I managed to fall back asleep this morning after my earlier post.
Xx oo
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Morning Linda…
So pleased that Tony is still managing to eat….he obviously is keen to stay with you and has not given up yet. Long may that continue…he sounds like a lovely boy……
Hope you are looking after yourself too……you must be shattered with everything at the moment…but you are stronger than you think Linda……you can do this with us all behind you…….and your support to us all means the world……
Was the two month anniversary yesterday…so I was deep in the swamp……today I’m grabbing everyone’s hands and I’m halfway out again! Need Jane to give me another boot up the backside with her sparkly wellies when she is better!
Sending love and the strength to get through the day today….hope everyone is coping ……
Lisa x
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Well she could probably give you a prod with her crutches and one sparkly welly.
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That would do…….need all the help I can get! 
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Hi everyone,
Sorry to interrupt, but I’m just letting you know I’ve unlisted this thread. This means it can be seen by people who have already posted on it, but won’t be visible to non-members.
I’ve done this to protect your privacy. Naturally, in threads like this which evolve into chats, people tend to share more personal details about themselves, such as names. This makes it easier for members to be identified, and staying anonymous is the best way to remain safe. By unlisting the thread, you can continue the conversation in a safer way. The thread won’t show up on the homepage for you, but you can access it by your notifications, a direct link, or by bookmarking the thread. Please do have a read of our thread on protecting your privacy on the community.
I hope this makes sense, please do drop me a PM if you have any questions.
Take care,
Seaneen
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Hello Lisa,
thank you so much for contacting me when you are trying to get out of the swamp.
That is so very kind and caring.
I am afraid I have not got any sparkly wellies.
Tony definitely has not given up.
He is such a lovely boy with quite a determined streak at times.
He also does not have a voice, so does not meow. I thought that was unusual but years ago a vet told me it is not that uncommon.
Sending a big hug xx
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Hi everyone.
My apologies for being awol,bit of a health problem last night and just surfaced,
Hope everyone is doing ok,it seems a bit quiet.
Ronxxx
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Grief really does screw up your health.
Hope you are feeling ok now.
Sandra
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Hope you’re ok, Ron.
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Does anyone know how to find this thread now they’ve unlisted it? I went in via others old messages on my activity, but I can’t find it otherwise.
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That’s the only way I have found it. Seems to be hidden from us as well.
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Yes I had to do that as well xx
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Thanks Sandra.
It’s a long standing remnant caused by my previous job,it only strikes occasionally, but ok now.xx
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Thank you Kathy,better now.xx
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So glad to see you, I was starting to wonder if you were ok. Sorry you were ill in the night, hope you are feeling better now.
Jane2
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