Sorry Doreen I know Sam was your husband I’m trying to type through my tears
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Hello Jane
don’t worry, I know how hard it to think straight
never mind through tears and abject misery.
I forget things,get mixed up and just generally
don’t behave like my normally assured self.
My best friend tells me it is stress and grief.
Just coping with life now on your own being
Responsible for everything is overwhelming.
Do you have some family or children to help you
Through this terrible time?
Love and comfort
Doreen x
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Thanks Doreen.
I have my adult daughter that lives at home but she has her own life to lead.
I only have a brother and sister in law and we meet once a month, a couple of friends but not very close friends.
Do you have family?
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Evening Jane,
How are you just now?
I am a lot calmer than last night but keep on cracking up and crying as I go around our house
and seeing over and over our lovely home and garden and daft things like cushions and throws that we chose.Well me really as Sam always
took the mick out of me for buying more cushions and candles but he went along with it
and just laughed and shook his head.
He will never do that again and I just wish he was here to do that.You just never know what is around the corner
.i am glad you have a grown up daughter but you said she has her own life to live so may be not so supportive to you or I am way off the mark any way my wonderful brother who rings me every day is my rock
Lots of love Doreen x
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Hi everyone. I’m sending my love, support and hugs to you all.
I know you’ll all be fed up with me as I keep repeating myself but there is no-one else I can tell.
I know one of my problems is anger. My Bill had major heart surgery in 2014,when we had to postpone our wedding. Fortunately he recovered and we married in late August 2014.
In 2021 he was diagnosed with acute myeoid leukaemia. I’m so angry because I think he went through enough with the surgery. Why did he have to have this diagnosis. He didn’t deserve it. He was the most loving, caring and gentle person and I know he loved me so much as I Ioved him - as they say - “to the moon and back”.
I’m in floods of tears every morning and just can’t stop them - I miss him so much. I’m fed up with people telling me it will get better, how can it. Bill’s not here. I can’t change that so how can it get better. I feel, like many others, there’s no purpose to life any more. Together, we bought some lovely things for our home and now there’s no-one to share them with. I don’t have any family of my own. Bill’s son and daughter have been very supportive but they have their own lives and that is becoming more apparent as time goes on. The promises of “we’ll come over every other weekend” have soon gone by the wayside. Instead I’ m told of where they’ve been and what they’ve done. I know they don’t mean it to hurt but it does because I know I can’t go anywhere with my Bill anymore.
The only person who understands is a neighbour who lost her husband just over two years ago and she knows what I’m going through.
At times it just gets too much and all I want is to be with my Bill. I wouldn’t do anything silly, that wouldn’t be right but I really can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Bill left me on June 26th and I feel my life went with him. 
I know he didn’t want to leave me but I guess he had no choice and that hurts like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Sorry to go on.
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Firstly, nobody is fed-up with you here, you need to vent and this is the place to do it. The physical pain is as bad as the emotional.
It seems to be true that the best ones go first and they suffer too much. My S had the roughest and neglected childhood, heart attack aged 40 and poor health for the next 20 years, but he was the most cheerful, hardworking, supportive and loving man, as witnessed at his funeral which 220 people attended. Yes, we can be angry, but I try to turn it around so that I feel blessed to have had him in my life, and he had me, before he left. I’m sorry if that sounds pious.
As witnessed on here, we do lose many people on this cruel journey, people that we ought to have been able to rely on, and I’ve found that this is the time to go out there and make new friends, those who don’t know our past and don’t judge us on it. I’m glad that you have your neighbour.
This road is long and I cannot see when and where I will end up either, but we have to push through, get up every morning and try to make little plans even just for the next day or two. We will get there, wherever that is.
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Thank you
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I know how you feel it’s very hard living without out your loved one
I lost my Steve on the 23 October 2023 and it hasn’t got any easier I still look for him everywhere
One of my daughters and my 2 eldest granddaughter s live 2 miles up the road all
Have cars and haven’t been to my house for 3 months
Sending a big hug to you xx
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Please don’t think we are getting fed up with you, you need to let your feelings out. I miss my Ray dreadfully and have started today in tears as it is our grandsons birthday today the first without him. We are going out for a family meal tonight and I know I am going to have to be brave. Sending you a hug
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No need to apologise.
I am not fed up with reading your posts.
You write honestly and say what so many of us feel and experience.
Like you, many objects bring back memories, the occasional smile and many tears.
I hope that the smiles increase 
I certainly understand people drifting away and also saying they will meet up with me and it not happening. It is disappointing.
I think most people truly mean to meet up but they have commitments and probably busy lives. I think, they often forget what they have suggested.
Of course, we remember and look forward to seeing them.
As many on here have written, until others experience this heartbreaking loss,
they cannot understand our lives or our feelings and needs.
I am glad you have a neighbour who understands.
You also have friends here who care and understand.
Sending a big hug,
Rose xx
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Thank you so much
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Went a bit off grid this weekend,after a very bad Saturday and the impending Sunday gloom.
I am afraid I indulged a little too much on Saturday night,it’s only the second time it’s happened since she passed,I have been trying to catch up this morning,I can put the Alka Seltzers away now.
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Glad you are feeling better.
Big hug x
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Thanks Rose.
Just seen the candles thank you.
Many hugs.
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Hope your hangover wasn’t too bad
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Thanks Jane.
I have never had a good one,and it never solves any problems.
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I get it
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Ty Rose once again for the candle as always gratefully received. Oh bless you Ron its allowed from time to time to over indulge in anything that helps my wakest is my cigs. Hugs jo xxx
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Morning Doreen how are you today? I’m not too bad up to now, just cleaning again which seems to be my go to thing to do. My daughter has been an absolute rock during all this, I don’t know where I would be without her these last few months, I just don’t want her to think she has to be with me all the time, I want her to enjoy her life
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Thanks Jo.
Sadly it does make you lower your guard,Lesley always had much better taste than I could possibly have,she would choose almost everything,furniture,decorating,etc the lot,and yet showed no interest in our finances,she hadn’t a clue how much we paid in council tax,utility bills,how much in the bank accounts or savings,she left all that boring stuff to me,so I guess we were the ideal match.
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