You have to do what you want, what is right for you ,yes it does soon stop people are always ‘anything you need’ but half of them don’t mean it and the other half get fed up with you breaking down ,that why this site is good because we’re all going through the same or similar grief
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Hi Maigret.
Never heard that song title so will have a search for that tonight. Elaine loved music and in my youthful ignorance she taught me all about classical music and ballet. I have come to terms with the fact she has gone and nothing will bring her back. This leaves a big hole in my live and my heart aches for her sweet voice and soft touch. I listen to music and cry until the tears dry and think that this is my best therapy. One of Elaine’s favourite songs was The Rose, sung by Bette Midler, which we payed at Elaine’s funeral. This song I cannot yet face but is in a diminishing list of demons I am working through such as our favourite shops, garden centers, cafes etc.which I visit and cross off my mental list. I know I have a long way to go, if ever, before my grief is sated.
Elaine had various illnesses and knew she was on borrowed time and long before she passed she told me to be brave, strong and carry on with my life. If only she knew what life would be like without her she may have doubted my capabilities to honour her wishes. However, one day at a time is a good start so on I go day after day. Take care and be strong and thank you for sharing.
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Gordon, it’s awful that you didn’t get to be with your wife when she passed, I was lucky because I was allowed to stay with my Eileen from the moment she was unresponsive, I was with her when she received the last rites along with my family
Myself and my 2 sons were allowed to stay in the room she was in and we were all there when she passed away, it was a sad moment but I was glad that we were allowed to be with her right to the end, I can’t imagine how I would have felt if she had passed away all alone, it must be devastating.
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Hi
Sorry for your loss It will be my first Christmas without my partner and I just want it over and done with dreading it so much. It has already started christmas stuff in all the shops people asking what I’m going to do . We both loved Christmas and I really cant do it without him. I want to just stay home on my own and let it pass but I know people won’t want me to do that. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me I just want to be left to get on with it like I am for the rest of the year. This is such a hard journey I wonder what my future life can be without him I really don’t want to do it at times but I have no choice .
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Hi Ang12
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband, you should do what you want at Christmas, don’t feel pressured into anything, this is my first Christmas without my dearest husband, but I have my children to concentrate on. My mother in law has spent Christmas Day on her own since she lost her husband 6 years ago, since then she lost her middle son 3 years ago and now her youngest son (my husband) 2 month ago. It’s is her choice to do as she wishes and that’s what you should do. I understand that our friends and family care and worry but nothing helps and sometimes the added pressure of people is just too much. Take care and do what’s best for you x
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Dear @Maigret,
I have to agree with @Bristles, every day now is just the same - long, lonely and tortuous. On my first Christmas last year, I spent 2 or 3 hours in the evening with friends and their two young sons, putting on a happy face, but wanting so much just to have my wife. But when I came home to the silence, that’s when it hits. My wife loved Christmas, always spent hours cooking Christmas dinner for both of us. I’ve been thinking about this Christmas for the last couple of weeks. I’m dreading the day (and the season) again, and suspect this year will be more difficult than last year. I’d be “happy” just to curl up in my armchair, pull a duvet over me and pray for the day to be over as soon as possible.
Last year, @amelie_sgran started a thread about lighting a candle on Christmas Eve in memory of our loved ones. I think that would be a good thing to do this year again. The thread is here: Lighting a Christmas Eve Candle.
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This will be my 5th Christmas without my lovely husband. I have spent the previous ones with my grownup children & grandchildren - but really wanting to spend it on my own. This year I’ve insisted I want to do my own thing. I’ll visit them all in the morning, but then want to come home & have Christmas doing what I want to do. I really do think we have to do what is best for us without feeling selfish or guilty.
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I spent Christmas last year with my kids alone at home ,my family was worried about us ,but I want to be alone with the kid my husband died 18 months ago we use to do most things together, this will be our second Christmas without him ,but this Christmas I don’t want to be at home , I.want to.spent it with my family, I miss my husband so much 
feel stagnant but have to be strong for the kids .
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This is our 2nd Christmas without my husband.
Last year it had just happened , he died on the 6th December and the funeral was the 22nd so it was mostly a blur. My son 14 gave me a focus as well as my 80 year old Dad.
This year we are going away until Xmas eve and then up to my brother’s for lunch.
This past year has been like a dream, ups and downs.
Everyone manages in their own way, x
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This will be my second Christmas without my wonderful husband and I will be spending it away from home with my daughter and son, to make new memories. I am under pressure to have his parents who are lovely but hard work and I can’t manage them and all the associated hustle and bustle of the day on my own. Also it would be like a backward step in my grieving journey. Anyway that was a long wY of saying if you want to be on your own and are comfortable with that, it’s OK, it’s about what you want, please don’t feel pressured into doing something that’s not the best for you.
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I will not get through Christmas Day anymore without the one I loved so much.Michael.
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This will be my second Christmas without my husband. Do not even want to think about it.
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This will be my first Christmas without pauline and I’m dreading it and it’s also her birthday in December she always said she would never make it to her mums age her mum was 53 and she was right she would have been 53 this December
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This will be my first without my beloved wife ,will not be Christmas for me ever again.
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I can understand that. I no longer celebrate my birthday. Every occasion we sent each other a secret message in the cards we exchanged. That now is impossible.
We do have two little grandsons so like last year I will put up the tree in some fashion and recreate the things we did for our own kids. Then when I get home - like last year - no doubt just cry the rest of the time.
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It all seems such a waste of time now,who wants to celebrate anything anymore without the one you love beside you.This gut wrenching grief is awful,no appetite,cannot sleep for long,wander from room to room ,talking to her all the time,the whole house is her ,ornaments,pictures ,the garden ,I am at a loss what to do,I just do not want to be here anymore but what are you supposed to do about it,one week after her funeral and I am a complete mess,wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.Michael.
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Aw it is truly awful, I feel for you & everyone of us that is going through this. Nothing that anyone can do or say will make things any easier. You will get through it in your own way - none of us ever get over our loss - we just put on a brave face & learn to cope. Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries all make things so much more difficult. You think why is everyone having a good time, when I’m left feeling like this. Try to keep strong & look after yourself, our other half’s would not want us feeling like this. Take care & keep writing & messaging, it does help.
Also 2nd Christmas for me. Last year Trevor’s nephew kindly asked me and I had a reasonable time. However, I don’t want to be the person people feel they must ask. So this year, I have asked my 95 year old father and his wife for lunch, in the knowledge that they will leave around 3pm. I will have done my duty and can then spend the rest of the day, watching rubbish tv eating chocolate and drinking prosecco. That way, there is no embarrassment if I cry and I can talk to Trev during the day.
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Dear Mickeyboy31
Apologies for the delay in responding. Have been to a family funeral today. Same crem. as I said goodbye to my husband. Just about held it together but came straight back from the Service. We have two little grandsons and although I wish I could join my husband I continue on so that I can tell them all about their granda and what a great man he was.
I find that the insomnia comes in waves just as the grief does. I can sometimes get a decent nights sleep only for the sleeplessness to return, particularly as I approach anniversaries or special occasions.
Please keep sharing on this forum.
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Hello Sheila26 ,apology accepted,I have a funeral to go to next month of a family friend,he was my late sons best man and now he has died from cancer of the spine ,only 54,I will honour him as I have known him since he was 10.I am taking sleeping pills ,my Doctor called me in to discuss my problems and was quite happy to give me some more.The grieving is awful ,some days uncontrollable ,lots of crying for her.Miss her more each day and always will. Michael
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