I heard a Christmas song on the radio yesterday. Turned it off. I couldn’t listen to it. My heart is so torn apart. I met my bossy Brit when he came to visit America. I live in West Yorkshire now…my home even if he sits there in a jar. I inherited a cactus I’m not a plant person so just give it a good soaking once a month. So far I have had to make 2 pot changes. It’s sits on the sill of the window and reminds me of him. I bought a dwarf Japanese maple to plant. A tree we had in our front garden he loved. Hope to watch this one grow and bloom every year.
Anyway after seeing the lights, decorations, and hearing the beginning of that song I won’t do more than light a candle for him.
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It’s a horrible thing we go through. People always saying ‘it will get better’ or ‘it gets easier’. 11 months on and it feels like yesterday. I still see his ashen face and wish I had the courage to open his casket to make sure he was there. I was told nature was taking its course and it was for the best to leave it closed. Does anyone else that had a closed casket wonder if it was all a mistake?? I know I have to follow the new path the fates have sent me in, but I really miss the old one.
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I know all year round we are remembered of our losses . Christmas songs are played earlier and earlier these days.
Last week i went out to a show which played swing jazz blues Christmas songs i know he would have liked to see and hearbut some brought tears to my eyes.
Anyway i hope he was with me in spirit and enjoyed the show.
I am not looking at Christmas this year. I will be home with my own company and my husband here as im sure he will be with me.
Anyway i just think of Christmas as just another day just like every other day we miss our loved ones. We still have yo survive all days now on our own
Take care
Hope today is a good day
Lynne x
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My husband loved his garden, heathers were is favourite after he died I put five heathers in front garden they were called sea star and seeing as Tony wanted is ashes scattered at sea which I did with the help of the RNLI, they seemed a fitting tribute x
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Hi @noisii
Yes dont think it gets easier. It is now just different.
My husband worked as a funeral director back in 90’s.
I think best to think of your husband and remember him at happier times.
We are now experiencing a new life without them which will take us sometime to get through. All days are different now and how we manage them on our own who knows
Take care
Lynne x
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I know that Christmas will be hard as he’d already started to go downhill then. My grown up kids are worried about me so they are all coming for Christmas. My son is about to move to Bournemouth, I live in Kent, so will come back for a few days after the Christmas week and my daughter and her little family are coming for all of Christmas day. (My daughter hasn’t spent Christmas with us since 2009 as he husband’s family always took priority, but apparently not this year.) I have always loved Christmas and it will be lovely to see the grandchildren, but I know it will be hard. When my grandchildren spent a day with me on Sunday Arya, my 6 year old granddaughter, suddenly came out with “I miss Grandad”, I thought that was so sweet and it bought a tear to my eye. I know Christmas will be painful but I still have his birthday to get through next week, yet more emotions to contend with.
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Morning everyone yesterday was my last bereavement session so sad realy will miss people ive met .This new life alone is so miserable do you think we just get used to been on our own and it will become easier at the moment carnt see it .Sorry feeling negative today xxx
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Hi @Hope5,
Sorry you are having a particularly awful day. Personally I find every day has been awful so far. It’s purely just a matter of degree. I have not found that the loneliness, sadness or hopelessness I feel have lessened in the almost two years since my gorgeous wife died. But I have evolved some coping techniques that usually (not always as somedays are just too horrendous) help.
Your bereavement group may have finished but maybe you can still find understanding and support from the excellent folk on this forum? Certainly I have found this.
Best wishes to you.
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I wasnt allowed to see my husband before the funeral as they said nature had taken its course quicker than expected. They dressed him in his shorts and t short as requested. I just wish I had an extra 10 minutes to let him know I would be ok and to have one last cuddle. Life is hard on those left behind as we have to deal with loneliness, and grief.
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10 minutes, would be amazing! Just to give him the biggest hug
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It is just astounding to me this longing I have to tell my gorgeous Christine how much I love her and to give her a hug. It is very hard to cope with at times.
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Hi jerryH.Thanks for your reply.I have found this forum a godsend and councilling talking to people in the same situation it all has been helpfull .I guess im realizing the lonliness and longing for them wont ever go away and thats hard but the price we are all paying for loving them xx
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Yes, that’s it. x
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I can really relate to your post, the feelings can be so overwhelming, my husband was the same he adored Christmas. We didn’t have holidays we focused on this . I’ve volunteered to work this year, it’s my 2nd without my darling man. I just want to ignore it. My religious beliefs are keeping me strong and I know not everyone is like me, but I know that I will see him again and I hold onto that.
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Me too its hard peope haven’t lost a loved one dont realise how bad it feels i unexpectedly lost my Husband 26th November last year im reluctantly putting xmas tree up for the sake of my young grandkids asking me to its so hard but christmas got to happen for them , my husband always pretended to be the Grinch in costume for them so we have all bought grinch pjs to wear xmas eve night light a candle but when family all gone home i can then take my pretended mask off i miss him so much wish he had took me with him then i think i can see our grandkids grow for us both x
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That’s exactly how I feel you’re got to put a show on for the grandkids otherwise you’ll spoil there day, Christmasy Eve was our wedding anniversary I will
spend it on my own with my two
dogs, keep thinking this time last year we were one happy family then January 3rd my life changed forever eleven months to day, the worst year of my life 
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Me too @Lin22
Last Christmas i was with him in Australia with our daughter son in law 2 grandchildren and son in laws family.
This year all change Christmas day on my own. All i have is memories of last year little did i know 6 months later my life woukd change so much.
This last 6 months have been feeling so sad.
I think it will be like this forever my new life is not what I want.
I cant change anything just want to be able to get through days nights weeks years without the sadness.
Lynne x
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With me it’s the not having a purpose in my life anymore, I’ve stopped cooking going shopping generally stopped doing most thing’s what’s the point without the love of my life to share it with if I go out I know I’ll be coming home to a cold empty house the life as gone out of it and me and am torn between wanting to be with him and wanting to see the grandkids grow, sorry in bed at moment with the flu no one to make me a cuppa and give me a hug x
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Hi @Lin22
Sending you hugs
Hope you feel better soon.
Like you i stopped cooking and looking after myself. The coming back to empty house i dont think ever will get better. For now i always will be doing that for my foreseeable future.
I hope somehow in the future it gets better i have read comments from others further on and it seems it doesnt we just learn to deal with it.
I have a great grandson who is just 1 year old my husband loved him so much but he isnt here to see him grow up so sad.
I need to try to help more but she lives about 3 hrs away but trying to visit her once a month.
Take care
Lynne x
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I’ve got four grand children two of them were two in November there’s only two weeks in there birthdays got one that’s four and my eldest who’s nearly fourteen which my husband absolutely loved and was so proud of him it’s so sad they will
never see there grandad, ie grumpy that’s what he was called anymore, and like you say I don’t think it will ever get any easier, take care xxx
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