Hello Everyone.
My lovely husband Bob passed away suddenly in July. We had been together for 42 years. Life is just not the same anymore and I miss him every single day. I try to be strong and brave but its not easy. With this being my 1st Christmas without him I have decided to ‘not do’’ Christmas. I don’t know if this is going to be harder than trying to put on a brave face and get out and about over the Christmas period. I have family and friends but no children.
How did any of you spend your 1st Christmas and how did you get through it.
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It’s my first without my Martin, like you, I’m not doing it; it’s just so painful…xx:broken_heart:
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Hello @Mel8
This will be my second Christmas as I lost my husband in Nov 2021…the funeral was early Dec 2021, so Christmas was upon me before I had time to think.
To get through, I avoided all things Christmas and told myself it was just another day. I shall do much the same this year, maybe the odd low key meet up. Sounds dreadfully bar humbug, but it helps my self preservation. I did go to a family meal, but it wasn’t easy…especially when a toast was made before we ate for those no longer here…cue floods of tears, goodness knows how I managed to eat anything.
We are all different at the end of the day & you should do what feels most comfortable for you. Some people like to be surrounded by others, some people like their own space or perhaps a mixture of both. Perhaps be a bit picky, some invites might be more bearable than others.
Wishing you all the best. x
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Hi @Mel8
Like you, this is my first Christmas without my darling husband. I can’t see there’s any way it will be anything other than awful for most of us.
We are having family here since my daughters both thought it would be better to than not. I have them to consider, one with a learning disability who wants it to be as close to normal as possible. Whether that will help or hinder I don’t know.
The only thing which makes me feel that is worth trying is that whole thing of first being the worst. I figure that the first trying to ‘celebrate’ Christmas is bound to be extremely emotional, whether it’s this year, next, or the year after so I may as well get it out of the way straight away. I know I’ll cry a lot whenever I do it so I’ll embrace that knowledge and cry a lot this year!
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Its my first christmas without my wife Lou lost her in july , my sister in law who has been my rock insists i go there christmas day But not sure I want to
steve xxx
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Last year I basically didn’t do Christmas. It was our wedding anniversary a few days before so went to where we were married and had lunch because I felt close to him there. Christmas I spent with my family but went to bed early and was delighted when it was over. Apologised to everyone for no presents but just couldn’t shop. The hardest part was being in the gents section thinking about what he would like then remembering he wasn’t here. This year I will probably do the same. No Christmas tree, no cards, no presents. Just makes it easier for me,
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Hi, I lost my husband in June and it will be my first Christmas alone. I’ve had to accept being here with just my dog & cat as I have not had any invites to share with anyone.
Saying that I will put up my Christmas stuff as I was told that by lighting up our homes they can easily be seen in heaven by our loved ones. I am very spiritual and I believe this but acknowledge not everyone feels the same.
No gifts to open no hugs but safe in the knowledge Mike will see the sparkle from above and know that love is everlasting
Jen x
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Hi @Jen64
That’s a lovely thought so it’ll help me as I put lights up too. Thanks. Sending love for this difficult time for all.
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Hi
First so sorry for what you are going through- I am also facing my first Christmas without my husband- we were together 26 years and he was 49 when he died in October.
I really wanted to cancel this first Christmas - I suggested to my teen DD we could go somewhere that doesn’t celebrate Christmas but…
It is also our granddaughter’s first Christmas!
Talk about happy/sad!
Now I have Tony’s parents coming over for Christmas- they had invited me over (they live abroad) but that would have been too hard - I have never been to their house without him!
I am dreading Christmas Eve as we used to have a nice meal just the 2 of us.
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This year will be my 2nd Christmas as I have a son with downs & autism I had to “celebrate” Christmas last year very very hard but looking back pleased we did it and I know my hubby would have been very proud of how my kids all supported me through it we came together as a united front and supported each other through it
It’s hard to act as if everything is normal my advice would be be yourself allow yourself to cry allow yourself to grieve even allow yourself to enjoy Christmas guilt free (easier said than done I know) and don’t be afraid to ask for help
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This will be my 2nd Christmas as my Karen died October 2021.
I went to my sons last year, every one tried but it was horrible we even set a place for Karen as was her wish.
Karen was Christmas her favourite time of the year a brilliant cook and her Christmas excitement was a joy to be around.
I wanted to be alone this Christmas and have a good wallow but I’ve agreed/been persuaded to just four of us coming here I’m cooking. I know they mean well but the thought and the effort is a bit overwhelming. Will be glad when it’s over.
Christmas will never be the same again.
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Hi Mel
This will be my second Christmas without my John. I couldn’t send any cards last year as I couldn’t just put my name on a card so I made a donation to the British Heart Foundation (John died beside me in bed - cardiac arrest) Everyone was so kind but I managed to stay strong for my sons and grandchildren. It’s all a bit of a blur to be honest but this year I have made plans and trying to get into the swings of things even though half heartedly. All occasions will never be the same for me, for all of us. My advice is just do what you want to do. If you feel like shutting yourself away then do so but if you do get an invitation to go somewhere then I’d try just for a couple of hours. You may hate that idea but don’t be alone with your grief everyone will understand if you just want to be home.
My heart goes out you and all of us really we don’t deserve this shit life do we !!
.much love
Georgina 
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Hi this is also my second Christmas without my husband. It actually feels like the first as he died suddenly on 12 December, due to him going suddenly we had to wait for a post mortem which took place in the new year so Christmas last year was a blur. I have four grandchildren who always came Boxing Day, out of consideration for me me my son asked if they should cancel. As two of them are very young but old enough to understand grandad had gone to heaven I said no still come. I hated putting up the tree but did so for them. I wanted things to be as normal as possible for them even if it was killing me inside. We had been married 52 years he was 73. I have been coping quite well still having a little cry now and then, but had a big wake up call the other day. I had taken my daughter to work ( her car had broken down again!!!) when driving home I suddenly broke down in tears. I had to pull over as I sobbed my heart out. Obviously I was still grieving but thought I had got over the worst, how wrong was I. Coming up to the first anniversary being so close to Christmas has bought that day back. I don’t think I will ever get over that. Life will never be the same again
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Hello Mel8 and all,
Firstly I am very sorry to read of your loss.
My loss was similar to yours and occurred at the beginning of December last year very suddenly. I was married to June for 43 years during which time she bravely fought chronic illness and Cancer. We had no family of our own either. June died in her seat at the kitchen table while on the telephone to a dear friend. My attempts at cpr and those of the paramedics proved unsuccessful.
The day it happened I had delivered the neighbours Christmas cards. The Funeral did not take place until January this year. We always enjoyed Christmas even without kids of our own. June had just put the finishing touches to the tree before she passed. I remember taking it down in a daze at 03:00 one morning shortly after. I have no intention to put any decorations up this year nor next for that matter.
My Mother (92) stayed with me for a number of weeks. I cooked a scaled down Christmas dinner somehow. I used to help June with the preparations but never was hands down. This year I’m not cooking here. I will likely visit my Mother on Christmas Day as I don’t want her to spend the day alone either (she always spent the time with us).
It’s my first post for some time. I have resorted to medication and counselling because of the trauma of losing June in the way I did. It was 14 days after her latest Covid jab (a different vaccine manufacturer). This was not mentioned on the Death Certificate. We will never know. I have a lot of guilt including persuading June to get the vaccine something which she had resisted before the pandemic. I’m told I am improving and I think that is somewhat true but those who say that don’t see me at my low times anymore when I cannot keep it together.
I hope you and our friends on this site achieve peace knowing we were very lucky to have spent our lives with our soul mate.
Take care all.
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tony its that time off the year again its my 4th year with out my soul mate we were married for 56 years still not the same may be its just me i have come to hate Christmas my family ask me to come to there house for for dinner but i like to spend it alone my daughters say give it time but they dont understand .how much time does it take .this site has been a god send its a place were you can speak to people that are going through the same as me .i thank you all so much.TONY
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Hi Tony
No one can understand unless they have gone through it. As for time the grief will never go away. I’m hoping that I will learn to live with my loss but know my life will never return to ‘normal’. How could it ever do so? Take care and keep warm.
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thank you Shiney999.i am trying to get my life back on track .maybe it will come in the next months or years. You keep your chin up and also keep warm TONY
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I’m so sorry 
stay strong
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To everyone who has responded to my post, reading through them shows that there are many ways to deal with Christmas, and there is no right or wrong way. But you have helped me to rethink how i will hopefully be spending mine. This is a journey none of us has asked for but chatting with you all really does help me. Sending love and comfort to you all however you decide to spend your Christmas x
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My sister-in-law has been my rock too. She is very loving and kind when I’m in floods of tears. My husband died in April 2021, three months after my father died of a dementia, in a care home and not able to see him during covid.
My first Christmas was hard but glad I was out of house and with company that understood me. Nit easy even now it’s my second Christmas.
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