Such a lovely message, I find great comfort from believing I shall be with Alan again, it doesn’t take away the pain of losing him so suddenly, it doesn’t take away the anger I feel towards others, it doesn’t take away the grief I feel deep inside every waking moment. Of late my dreams have become even more vivid than they used to be. Think we’re all finding or trying to find answers to the big question ‘why him/her and not them’ . I know I do. Every day.
Having been on the forum for a short time am finding it’s making things worse rather than better as being a convinced atheist I seem out of line with others.
I have found myself going over the arguments I fully accept which led to my atheism because they are the natural reaction to people talking about meeting again or being watched over. I can’t engage in them because the last thing I want to do is make things worse for anyone but find myself in the odd position where such posts are making it worse for me.
So this is a goodbye and all the best to you all whatever you believe. I hope we all find our way through these terrible times xx
It’s a shame that it has had that effect on you. The thing that unites us is Grief and I’m sure there are a whole range of things that could potentially divide us but none of that really matters. I find it easy to bite my lip, take a deep breath and then add a comment and, hopefully, not offend anyone.
We are stronger together.
I should add " in my opinion".
Hi Lind, I’m sorry to hear that you don’t want to continue with the forum.
It’s not all about our beliefs, we all think differently, but the site does help with lots of other things that we’re going through that can help us. Just reading the posts you realise that it’s not only you thinking ‘oh yes I feel like that too’ or whatever.
So please don’t give up on it, just pop on now and again. I’m not on it all the time but I’ve found it has helped just reading the posts of others. Take care Dolly xx
Hi Lind, I am really sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on the 29 November this year, after a very short illness. He was diagnosed with cancer but even though they knew he had a history of pulmonary embolisms and was showing signs of recurrence they did not listen to me when I told them that the medication they had George on had previously not worked for him, choosing to wait for an urgent CT scan which turned out to be booked for 2 days later. He died from an embolism. Like you I am filled with lots of anger, both at myself and the doctors who were treating him. I am 52 and we always planned that I would retire at 55 and spend our time together travelling and enjoying the rest of our lives. All that has been robbed from us. I try to console myself that he was so poorly from the cancer that he possibly would not have coped with the chemo and would have probably suffered a lot more with the same end result, but somehow I cannot get past the fact that he should not have died the way he did and the doctor’s could have treated him. I come from a religious background, although I do not actively go to church. I am just trying to make sense out of all of this. I really want to believe that I will see my lovely husband again, but cannot understand why someone so lovely and gentle as my George could be taken in such a cruel way. I guess everyone has their own way of coping, and our core beliefs influence how we handle this terrible situation we find ourselves in. I am trying to not think too deeply about anything right now, just surviving the day is enough. Everything is so raw at the moment, I refuse to open any Christmas cards I receive, because I cannot handle people not including George’s name. I too have a little dog called Poppy who gives me a reason to get out each day whilst I am currently off work. She is totally lost without her Daddy, she is only 2 and George was with her all day every day. I am going to have to find some kind of doggy daycare for her when I go back to work. I hope you stay on the forum, I have only joined recently, but I do find it so comforting to read comments from people who totally understand what I am going through, and I am not alone in this nightmare I find myself in. Take care Debbie xx
I am the same peter was diagnosed with cancer in July and lived for 10 weeks after that it was cruel for us both to watch him suffer and become so weak he lost his voice to even communication was difficult and then his writing of notes to us became unreadable he only was concerned of what he was leaving behind and wanted everything in place for us he was the strongest funniest kindest family man whom we all loved and adored and for me to lose my soul mate as we were in our fifties too with so much to look forward too with beautiful 5 grandchildren and daughters was so cruel. We all as everyone says have our own beliefs and ways off coping and much respect must be given to it. We are all the same and together in our feelings of grief and the understanding of this is the whole point of this group and if we need to shout out show anger or frustration then this is the safe place for it. I also have 2 collies and going out walking is good for me just being out in nature and fresh air helps the focus who knows what is the future it’s not clear at all at the moment. I hope everyone survives christmas in a way they can cope with it and there are no hard and fast rules to any of it xx you all take care of you xx
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I feel the exact same way. I am 29 and lost my husband february this year. I cannot bear to go shops with christmas music. I haven’t put up a tree or any christmas decorations. I went into sainsburys yesterday and couldn’t stop crying everytime i saw something that we would have normally bought for Christmas together. I have no kids and i wish we did so that i could have seen him in them and had a reason to go on.
As others have said, we’re all here for the same reason, everyone of us has lost a dear loved one, I met Alan when I was 15, March this year we had our golden wedding anniversary exactly 2 months to the date I was standing in the chapel st his funeral. Hed never been off work sick in his entire working life, he was taken into hospital on the Monday, the following Monday I was told he would be coming him the Wednesday to Friday of the following week, then Thursday afternoon I heard they’d done further tests (hed not seen a doctor in over 40 years barring travel inoculation) anyway the Thursday afternoon I was these test revealed a malignancy, early Saturday morning he passed away. I an thankful he never got to know what he truly had, and I’m glad i was there when he went peacefully. It doesn’t change the pain I have in my heart of the anger towards others, this forum has been a great comfort to me, yesterday was 7 months since his passing and I was full of dread for this dsy, with the events yesterday, one as a direct result of being on here, I was able yo get through most of the day reasonsbly ok. Not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination, the evening was s different story. What I’m trying to say is we all have our own story yo tell of how we come to be needing the support of this site, and we all are on the same journey but in different ways. We are all the same in some respects and so very different in others. We are all looking for and trying to find ways that make it easier for us all.
Even if you can’t bring yourself to write how you feel or about your own journey, help and support can come from simply reading what others are expressing on this forum and the others, Dom of us have string religious beliefs, dome have no religious beliefs at all others like mysekf have spiritual beliefs, this doesn’t stop the help and support we can offer others at the time of the greatest need. Hope this makes sense and hope you rethink your decision to leave behind the support from everyone at the time you genuinely and greatly need it. I wish you well and hope you find peace and comfort. Blessings
Dear Lind
I am so sorry if anything I have written has added to the pain you are currently carrying. Grief is universal…it doesn’t care if one has a faith or not…it is impervious to age, gender, skin colour or anything else…it is one of the worst facets of being human and everyone on this site is just trying to come to terms with it. For some, life will take on new purpose and others of us may just continue within the bubble we have wrapped around us…no one can foretell the future and it is given to very few to have utter belief.
Many is the time I have wanted to leave this site…some days the posts make me sadder than ever and I wish I had stayed away : other times I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in some of the ways I feel and react . But always I come away knowing that so many others are trying to use their own pain to help others…not just at Christmas but every day.
I wish with all my heart that there was a panacea for grief…but I know that it is just the price we are paying for the love and joy we once took for granted and I wouldn’t have missed the time I was given with my soulmate for anything !
Please don’t go completely…visit now and again because your thoughts are valued and will help someone else in their struggle to make sense of it all.
I hope the cello lesson went well…do let us know how you got on!
Love to everyone…take care x
I believe there is so much more to life than we know and will ever understand,when my grandfather passed many years ago ,i remember my mam telling me ,she was in awe while she watched him in his last moments,he had a last meal,that he chose,strawberries and cream,he had not eaten much for days,he then placed his hands across his chest and beamed a smile to my mam,and said as he looked in front of him,I am Happy to come with you,my mam could see no one there ,but he was a very happy man in his last moments on earth,he had seen someone that had come for him,i have always believed,that is what strengthens me to keep going too,and i will see my lovely Brian,and my loved ones when its my time.I like you Sheila have lost many loved ones of all different ages my two nephews,aged 2 and 21,my mam and dad,my brother and sister n law 45 and 56,and many others including and never ever forgetting my husband Brian this year,he was 59,and there would be no point at all of this life here where we love and bond with each other,if our love and hard work here was for nothing.So i will continue to believe that there is oh so much after this life that we dont know and all our hard work and strife,tears and sadness here is definitely for a reason.I always respect others opinions and beliefs though as we are all individuals finding our way xx
Thank you Sheila
It’s lovely your granddaughter has seen and heard her grandad,my youngest granddaughter is 4,she hears her grandad too,she tells her mother what he says and my daughter is amazed,things only he would ever say.Also I know that feeling of the hair moving on your head,I smile to myself when it happens,You maybe should go to the Spiritualist if you feel you would like to,I went for the first time back in June ,I left feeling so much comfort,they were so welcoming and friendly,and listening to the messages for people,the hope and energy in the room was uplifting.And yes keep talking to your lovely Peter,he is listening ,I talk to my Brian every day too.I think we all may be lonely but never really alone xx
Sheila, couldn’t help but reply, the song you heard about the yellow dress , please take that as a message from Peter, he is obviously with you, this is a clear example the subtle signs I have mentioned in previous posts. Doesn’t take away the pain and longing to have him back with you but it does give comfort knowing he’s close by, the tears will still flow though too. ☆
Thabk you so much,
I find certain songs upsetting now others I can listen to and feel close to him. ☆
At the time it came out I remember thinking how appropriate the lyrics of Eleanor Rigby were to the old lady who lived next door, as she had lived alone in the house for years. She soiled our kids. And now they are just as appropriate to me.
*spoiled might be better.
Yes I’m dreading Christmas. Will be going round my daughters this year. My grandson will help get us through. To add to our grief I’m halfway through treament for non evasive breast cancer so off to hospital today for planning. I found I had this 4 weeks after Keith died . My mind is all over the place
As it’s getting nearer Christmas I am getting myself worked up I can’t stop crying which I could fast forward the clock.
Christine x
Good morning all
I receive postings from the What’s your Grief website and yesterday an article called Guilt and Grief during the Holiday Season dropped in to my inbox…I think it might be helpful reading for anyone trying to come to terms with Christmas and the New Year so just thought I’d share its existence here and you can visit the site and read it! Thinking of everyone…take care x
I’m avoiding the big stores this year, even supermarket shopping I’m either going early doors or as late as possible so I can get in and out quickly. Yesterday after going to get vegetables necessary to make a decent Christmas dinner for our son and daughter, (Not indulging in all the extras this year just a couple, none of us want any fuss), I got in my car and the tears flooded for what seemed like half an hour, I just broke down and cried buckets. I’ve only bramleys to buy and the meat to collect from my butcher on Monday morning, then a trip to the chemist for my prescription after which I shall go back home and only venture out to take Ada on her walks, weather permitting, it’s been dreadful all night. ☆