I started small as well, packing all her day to day clothes, such as pants, bras, joggers etc to put in the Air Ambulance bin, which she loved donating to.
With her main clothes, I let the children and grandchildren take what they wanted. I then chose some things to keep, and my daughter in law packed up the rest in boxes.
One of my granddaughters took some brightly coloured clothes to make Teddy Bears with. She’s finished some of them, so will probably bring them on her next visit.
I intend moving, so in a way it’s a necessity for me to sort stuff.
I decided on the one I have with just H smiling at me because it was my favourite pic and it was one that H likes as well, H never really liked having her picture taken so smiley pictures are rare, I just like to see her face smiling at me in the morning reckon mine would spoil the moment.
All I am really left with now is her jewellery and medical documents. I’ll keep her jewellery until I document it all, as to be honest all I recognise is our engagement ring. I will never sell it, even the costume jewellery she has. Once it’s documented, I’ll decide who will inherit what when I join Jackie.
The medical documents are too painful for me to browse so will let my daughter in law, who works for the NHS, look at them.
I think it’s important to keep them as someone else in the family suffers from the same disease.
I have been giving away some furniture as well to make it easy when I move and downsize
I was the complete opposite went for it hell for leather and boxed everything and I had a lot to shift, H was a big time crafter into knitting quilting in fact almost any type of crafting you could thing of, H squirrelled so much away I could not believe that I had not noticed but then 80% of the storage in our house was H’s, I found clothes going back 30years.
what I did was a completely personal decision and each and every one of us will make that decision in their own time, personally seeing all of H’s stuff was causing me so much grief that I just decided to clear it, like John son and daughter indicated what they would like to keep and that is boxed ready for them to collect.
Do I feel better well yes I do I feel that I have jumped the first hurdle in moving on but again I reiterate it is a decision that is hard to make and even harder to achieve as the amount of grief is immense as you go through what are your life memories and as with me the tears will flow.
Lastly NO black plastic bags everything folded and boxed my thoughts are that putting h’s things in black bags is the same as putting her out as refuse H deserved more respect than that
Gave all H’s jewellery to my daughter who will eventually give it to the grand D’s, H never wanted an engagement ring and the only time she wore her wedding ring was when I put it on her finger H did not like wearing rings, it is currently around my neck on a chain.
I lost my wedding ring when I was on a field deployment in Germany, back in the 70s. Never replaced it.
Jackie had the full lot of engagement, wedding & eternity, but hasn’t been able to wear them for a long time due to arthritis.
On top of her rings, bracelets etc, she also has rings and watches from her mother & grandmother. Sadly I don’t know which is which, so will have to hope my daughter knows. If she doesn’t, then I will distribute them to my children and grandchildren.
I was thinking of getting a chain to put the engagement ring on. That has more memories for me than the wedding ring.
You take your time there is no rush for that sort of thing it just happened that daughter was here and I asked if she wanted to take it all, there was several generations of jewellery her mother, Grandmother and a couple of aunts who had no children, H was the only girl among her mum and 2 aunts so most came to her, I gave my son H’s Grandads gold pocket watch and chain and all the family medals from the 2 world wars and a special gold medal from the people of Chepstow which was presented to her Grandad where he was the Mayor twice and also the Head Post Master.
I only once removed my wedding ring when it had to be cut off due to dislocating my finger popped it back in but it went a very dark purple so I thought I should do something about it but it did at least give me a chance to get it altered so I could get it off in the future.
I had a loop put in H’s wedding ring so it would hang straight.
Anyway as you said and quite rightly no rush.
Hi again John, just had an e-mail drop letting me know that I have received confirmation which is the equivalent of probate in England that means the end of the legal journey and the end of Hazel as a legal entity I am actually quite sad in fact very sad, it has actually really upset me and maybe I am overthinking it a bit but it seems a bit final.
I have been pretty good today but this has knocked me back a bit causing one of the awful waves of grief and all that comes with that, hopefully should be a back to normal tomorrow.
It is quite a strange feeling to think that Hazel no longer exists legally and is now just an entry in a register and a statistic it just seems so sad for me anyway that a person as beautiful as her in theory no longer exists.
Next I go down the route of selling the house which is the last physical link in our living together at that point everything becomes memories
I know exactly what you mean I talk to Hazel all day every day as far as I am concerned H is still with me and always will be.
We have moved eight times in our married lives and each time I have looked around the house after the removal men have gone remembering but this time the one constant in my life the one who used to tell me to stop being so sentimental will no longer be there with me and to be honest it frightens me, I have always been the sentimental one I have always cried more than Hazel ever did.
It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in not being able to clear my husband’s things. He died suddenly 6 months ago. His bedside table is still as he left it (including the glass of water). I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to take that glass away. I occasionally think that the time is right to sort his clothes, open the wardrobe, but I just burst into tears. I don’t know when I will feel ready. I do worry that maybe it’s not helping me move forward, but then also think that I need to wait until the time is right for me. As people keep telling me - grief has no timeline.
Sorry for your loss.
It is never easy unexpected like your loss or long battle like mine there is no right or wrong time to dispose of your life partners personal effects.
My wife left us in March after a 2.5 year battle with cancer and I have already apart from items my son and daughter wanted to keep taken everything to various charity shops, this was a personal decision based on the fact that it was breaking my heart to see all H’s things around me and that I intend to move closer to my son and daughter so would need to downsize, I have kept some items that will be hung up in pride of place regardless of where I end up I also have a canvas version of my favourite photo of H on the wall beside my bed so that H is the first and last thing I see every day and finally her ashes are on the mantlepiece ready to be eventually mixed with mine and scattered together.
It was not easy to do what I have done and there were some serious weeping moments but now it is done I do feel a sense of relief as it is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done.
One of the thing I did was not to use and black plastic bags as this to me was like putting H out with the rubbish I bought moving boxes off Amazon and carefully folded and packed everything and took them to the various charity shops.
Anyway as I said it is a very personal decision you do what you need to do when you feel the time is right it will be painful but then every day is painful as something will spark a memory and off we go down grief road.
All the best and I do hope your journey is as painless as it possibly could be.
Hello Silver85
My wife died 9 months ago and I am in exactly the same position to you. I have not touched any of her clothes and possessions and have no wish yet to do so. I have not even moved anything from her dressing table, they are valuable things to remember her by. You are not alone.
Hi Silver85
No youre not alone in this, my husband died Feb 24 and ive cleared nothing of his, I cant I need them , I feel if I cleared his things Im getting rid of him, I need his things as a physical thing as well as our memories.
Do whatever makes you comfortable. After a period of time I sorted and donated some of my hubbys clothes, but kept certain special things. His hat is hanging by the door where I fondly touch whenever I pass. It will never be removed as long as I live! X
reckon mine would spoil the moment. 
