Collecting the ashes

It will be 12 weeks tomorrow since my husband died. I have yet to collect the ashes. I haven’t been able to face it. Like others have said on here, I have felt worse since the funeral. Somehow bringing home his ashes is the last piece of a puzzle I don’t want to finish. Maybe if I keep them and don’t scatter them yet, it will help. I don’t want to let go of him. I have a close friend staying with me for the week so a good time to do it. I can’t do it on my own. I’m wondering how others have felt about receiving the ashes?

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Hi my son in law collected my husbands ashes for me . It is 3 years ago and I have still got his ashes here with me . They are staying here until my time is up then my family can scatter us both together

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@AngelinaH my mum collected my dad’s ashes last week & it does bring home that finality of a life that’s ended. My sister in law went with her for support & she has found it a comfort having him back in a sense. He’d spent almost 6 weeks in hospital so never came home. She doesn’t want to scatter them so he’s by her bedside & she talks to him.

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I collected my husbands ashes this afternoon and it was much harder than I expected. I went on my own but would suggest you go with your friend.
I have bought 3 urns which the undertaker is dealing with for me. I have a small one for me to keep by my bed, my daughter wanted a larger one and a scatter urn to fulfil my husbands wishes.
Do things when you’re ready, there’s no rush and if you have support from friends and family take it xx

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Thanks for your responses. I was a bit nervous about it . The funeral was four weeks ago today and I put it off until someone could go with me. Glad I did. So we put him in the boot of the car. I was amazed at how heavy the ashes were. He went with us to Costa Coffee, Hobbycraft and Sainsbury’s, his favourite supermarket. We joked about giving him a day out. Thankfully my friend knows when she can make a joke and lighten things and when not to, because at the crematorium I felt very stressed, and as we came away from the crematorium I was really upset. This was the last thing I had to accomplish, involving him, or so it felt to me. All in all, it wasn’t so bad, but I feel really down and tearful again now. I’m still glad it’s me suffering and he has been spared this, had I gone first.

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@AngelinaH well done you! What a lovely idea giving him a day out as you put it. You’ve done him proud. X

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I picked my husband’s urn up from the funeral home a few weeks ago. He is now with me in our bedroom. I speak to him, hug and kiss his urn and I hope when my time has come that we go together in the same grave. Sometimes I cry but I also laugh when I think about the good times we had together. It helped me to get him home but you have to do it in your own time. Hugs from Anna

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I understand from the bottom of my heart I want to go but I’m terrified as the ashes signifyThat Ill never speak to him again or see him smile it’s so final and I don’t quite know which way to handle it A lady from the crematorium phoned me the other day and she said there is no pressure and they can keep them until, I’m ok .My husband died in Sep so I thought I had waited too long.I am going to see them in June.
Everything is heartbreaking but I am trying. I have had such support from the people on this forum .Thank goodness everybody is there for me,for all of us on this nightmare journey
Love Annx

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Dear 19Lefke95, you have to do all the little steps at your own pace. My friend wanted to come with me to pick up my husband’s urn from the funeral home but I preferred to do it on my own. Maybe it helps when someone comes with you when you are ready to collect him. You are not alone. Hugs from Anna

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I lost both parents just five weeks apart last summer, my husband collected both of their ashes from the funeral directors (it’s a funny old relationship as he’s known the funeral directors we used personally since primary school and together we are monumental masons so deal with them frequently) I have them both in scatter tubes - in the kitchen window right by my coffee machine of all places! They wanted to be scattered close by but I’m not ready to let them go just yet, I speak to their tubes most days, you just have to do what you feel you can when you are ready x

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I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your parents in such a short time. I also speak to my husband and hug and kiss his urn every day and sometimes at night (my sleep is not really good anymore). I think it does help a bit. Hugs from Anna

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I brought my husband home today and at the moment I’m struggling with it all. It’s really brought it home that he’s gone xx

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We had a phonecall off the funeral directors on Friday to see what we wanted to do with the ashes. We’ve picked some urns so we’ll split the ashes between me and his mam. I’m not ready to have them yet. I just can’t get my head around the fact that nine weeks ago he was alive and well and now he’s ash in a pot :broken_heart::sob:
I just can’t grasp how it all went so wrong. I’m crying even just writing this. I’m going to freak out when we have him back I don’t want them anywhere near me right now.

I do plan on getting some jewellery made so that when I’m feeling a little bit less freaked out by it all then just maybe I can take some comfort knowing I’ll be able to take a little piece of him everywhere with me but knowing what his ashes are I really don’t think they will ever bring me any comfort tbh.

Saying that I can’t even think about scattering them yet because it would feel like we were throwing him away :broken_heart:
So many mixed emotions right now.

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I have my husband’s urn in our bedroom (still cannot say my bedroom). I am not ready to let him go and I think I will never be ready. I want to be buried with him. Just take your time to decide what you want to do and don’t let anyone pressurize you into something you actually don’t want to do. You are in charge and you have to deal with the grief every day and night. Hugs from Anna

I lost my husband 3 weeks ago

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I have put off collecting my lovely Zekis ashes
I was scared as it’s so final but I’m going soon and. I am going to buy a little plot where I can be put with him when I go.
I think still a bit undecided
Love and hugs

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I am so sorry for the loss of your husband I have been blessed with the support of all on this site and hope you can find help too
Xxhugs

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Dear Franky56, I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs from Anna