Watch it mate,I’m keeping an eye on you and believe me I really do understand,it’s because I do that no matter what I say this spell will only pass when it’s meant to. I definitely feel for you and when you said your dog walking friend my ears pricked up but sadly not for long when you said " she,"
Truth is Debs I don’t think I want people to understand this pain,this loss and complete change from a life we loved to one we now feel that we don’t really want,for them to understand they would need to lose that very special person that made their lives everything that we had and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.
Two steps and that would have been enough,I couldn’t find the courage to do it and though like you I hate what I’m left with there are days,not many,when I’m pleased that I didn’t and guess why ? because like you I considered the pain it would give others so we keep doing what we do and we suffer the pain because we loved someone,made someone really happy until they were taken away.
So no,they don’t understand so please do your best to stop expecting or hoping that they will … it took my wife to die so that I can say to you " I understand," Isn’t that a strange thought ? Sending you lots of hugs for the weekend. xxx
Thank you @miker youre a good friend 
saw him last sunday …not seen him this week but my silly dog walker lady friend took great glee in telling me i had just missed him today ! Huh … i wish she would keep her nose out ! I think thats why she is winding me up because she is interfering too much and so im gonna have to keep my distance from her !, im not good at coping with all this ! All those settled years with my husband and i knew my place in life and it was secure. Some days struggle so much with this new crap life we been handed !! X
And dont be walking in the sea again. Youre a nice kind man and dont you dare ! Bless you xx
Hi Miker it’s true what Deb5 said don’t be walking into that sea again we’ve all been to that dark place and luckily survived it hopefully we’ll look back one day and think life has more for us than this so we just keep on trying to get some sort of normality you all take care and stay safe
Well said … i hope he sees these messages because he doesnt always come on ? Its crap isnt it @Jennison1946 but we just have to hope life gets better dont we ? Cant get much worse 
but people really do need to back off from me - especially that lady i know on dog walks … shes far too nosey and maybe she needs to concentrate on her own life a bit more instead of mine !! X
It will getting easier I’m sure it will. As well as recently losing my wife I also lost my father when I was in my late teens, both to cancer. My mum went through exactly what I’m going through now at roughly the same age as I am now.
I’m not going to say it was easy and it took her a long time to work out what her new life looked life, but she did it. Of course the loss has never gone away, but she manages and her life continued, albeit in a very different direction to what she wanted. Seeing what she went through and how she managed gives me hope that things will over time become a bit easier for us all.
I hope everybody manages as best they can through the weekend.
Aw … thars nice. Yeh lets hope we get through weekend in one piece. Gonna go to my allotment !
I hope it does get easier for us all and Deb5 it certainly can’t get any worse I wish you all well for the weekend take care stay safe
And you too xxx its rough innit … im keeping away from people i think this weekend … xx
Deb5
Can’t abide nosey people, I would set my dog on her lol x
Lol … yeh some people just go too far dont they! I thought she was being a good friend but actually now i think she is just interfering too much in my life ! She wants to know too much and im telling her sweet bugger all about anything anymore ! She can mind her own bloody business ! I hate falling out with people but some people just push it too far dont they !! Why is my life so fascinating to her ? Theres nothing fascinating about it … its bloody tragic Xx
The problem with being alone is when we are in company we want to talk as we miss chatting to our hubby so we end up over sharing, I have done this and then people use it to suit them. I don’t say too much now, I just chat away to hubby at home. We are vulnerable Deb and on top of this shit life we then have to be wary of so called friends. I’m beginning to become reclusive as people constantly disappoint me
Yeh you’re so right … we overshare ! Got it spot on ! Well i won’t be oversharing with her anymore … ive had enough now ! Silly woman ! Lets hope she disappears ! She thinks i NEED her as a friend but i dont … i can survive without her … got loads of different type of friends … i dont need her permission to be friends with who the hell i want ! Honestly what are people like … they try to control you dont they ? Nobody controls me ! Lol … x
I would chat to my hubby about anything and everything, half the time he wasn’t listening lol but he was safe to pour my heart out too and knowing it stayed between me and him, now people want to know everything about you and your situation but do bugger all in the way of understanding compassion and offering to help, makes me so angry
Oh yeh exactly same for me ! I used to tell him everything too … and why do people think they now have the right to stick their nose into our business just cos were a widow ! And yet like you say do absolutely bog all to help ! x
Last weekend I was struggling to trim a hedge in the garden with the electric strimmer which is heavy and like a pneumatic drill so I asked my neighbour who is a big strapping bloke if he could help…his reply was sorry I don’t do gardening, I nearly strimmed his head off! made me feel like I was a weak, useless female! I have just left it now. Widow equals your are none existent!
Aw … charming ! What a gentleman ! Not ! Maybe you need to get a smaller hedge trimmer and you can do it yourself … i manage to do it with ours xx
What a pig! Don’t ever let yourself forget it. In future he may ask you for something…
Gosh. I could have written practically the same message.
It’ll be a year for me on Monday. I’ve taken the day off as well because I don’t really know how I’ll be and would rather just spend it quietly pottering about.
I’m a teacher. There is always something going on. Some latest priority or event to be working on. Lessons to plan. Parents to speak to. Exam season is upon is. Plenty stresses and queries to deal with. I’m always kept busy and have something to keep me distracted, which is appreciated I suppose.
But then I go home. And the reality sets in. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. He’s gone. The first thing I think when I walk into an empty house each evening. He’s never going to be there again.
How is it almost a year? It’s been both the quickest 52 weeks, as well as the longest time in the world ever.
Whilst I’m kept busy and for the most part am able to get by on a day to day basis, I feel I don’t care any more. Like you, I go and do my job, work through tasks and do things, but I don’t feel I have any interest in anything at all. I go through the motions and feel that I now just “exist”. I don’t live. Day to day. It feels like hard work and something I just “do”.
I have some amazing colleagues who ask regularly how I am. One lost her partner in an accident years ago. She’s amazing and has been brilliant checking in on me in the lead up to Monday. But I just feel lost and purposeless. What am I working hard for? It’s just me now. I don’t need to work towards anything anymore. It feels like I’ve lost all sense of direction and I’m just floating through life without caring about anything.
Lately I’ve been waking up throughout the night. Maybe that’s because I woke up to find him dead in bed. Maybe it’s my head battling with thoughts of what I could have done had I woken up at some point that night.
It just feels like I’m caught in an endless cycle of numbness and lack of interest in life. It’s just something to get through. Days just continue one after another, without ever ending up anywhere. Just one after another.
I do that a lot … wake up in middle of night … i think its cos we are unsettled after losing our loved one xx