It is tough,very much so and to describe the emotions involved as a rollercoaster effect doesn’t get anywhere near it.
You are in my thoughts and hopes that your weekend will be hassle free and peaceful in your thoughts of your husband. xx
P.S. I can’t bloody swim either. 
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Thanks for your response,it all happened 10 months or so ago.
Although it’s a nightmare existence I wouldn’t dream of choosing that way out,but I do now understand why some people do.
Best wishes for the weekend,tears,smiles or whatever.
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Well i doubt it will be fantastic this weekend but yeh and you too - hope yours goes ok . Ive had an awful week … its so hard without them isnt it ! I think nice weather makes you feel more lonely dont you ? I wish i had gone with him … wouldve been so much easier for me … but no i have to.live out this bloody living hell dont i … Xx
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I also wake up in the middle of the night, it’s become a pattern. When my husband was next to me asleep, I slept like a baby, I guess it’s a knowing they are no longer sleeping next to us and like Deb said it’s unsettling. Nothing feels safe and secure anymore
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same - slept like a baby with him by my side… its so hard isnt it … we lost so much ! I just cant see the point of it all anymore tbh … its beating me down x
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It’s a constant battle isn’t it?, one day I think I’m ok and then I am reliving the whole nightmare, I cope ok and have good days but deep down inside I’m just plain lost. I think that part of me will always be that way. It’s the strangest feeling ever. I had found what I wanted and the rest of my life was going to be ok but now I can’t see anything ahead it’s all unpredictable and that makes me feel insecure. I also miss me, I have disappeared and faced now with someone new. I don’t recognise me anymore and that really messes with my head!
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Jennison1946
So very sorry for your loss Wendy,
Pleased to hear you had a lovely holiday,
Not managed to have a holiday since i lost my husband,and i am also a carer for my mum,
Been up to the cemetery today i go at least
Once a week
Night times and weekends are the worse ,
Big hugs Take care,
Susie
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Oh yeh totally agree it completely messes with your head ! We lost our security blanket havent we as well as them ! Its so bloody painful … i just want out ya know. Cant really take it anymore 
xxx
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Deb we just got to hang in there xx
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I know but i dont really wanna hang anymore … ive had enough ! Sick of trying to live through each miserable day with no joy or love … its the most miserable of existences isnt it … whats the flipping point ! I wanted.to meet someone else but that hasnt happened… … you.know who i liked … Everything i touch since he.went just seems to go flipping wrong … nothing has gone right since i lost him … its.just been one big disaster after another !! X
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I agree with you totally x
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@G1983 It sounds like you feel exactly the same as me at the moment. As you say, as soon as the distractions stop you are left completely alone, feeling lost and desperately lonely.
This loss of direction and sense of purpose is really really hard isn’t it? and nigh on impossible to explain to somebody when they ask you how you are. I know exactly how you feel, I feel the same, but I’m not sure I could really explain it to somebody who’s not experienced it. I wish I could say something to help, but all I can say is you’re not alone.
I agree with the sleeping. I don’t think I’ve had a proper nights sleep in the last 12 months, unless i’ve had a sleeping tablet to aid me. It must be desperate for you being in that bed, I provided my wife end of life care for a month in our house but moved her somewhere else for her final days, and that’s hard enough. I get horrible vivid flashbacks of her final month and days, telling the kids she’s passed. I guess it’s similar to PTSD. We’ve been through a traumic event.
Yes we are just going through the motions and getting through each day, but I guess thats all we can hope for at the moment. At least we are still managing to do that. We should probably just take the small victories at the moment. We’re still functioning, doing our jobs, getting through life day to day. We’ve not completely given up, and I’m sure our partners would be proud of us for keeping on. At some point we’ll turn a corner, we’ve just got keep ploughing through this fog at the moment and at some point it will start to clear up.
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Hard innit love without our man here to protect us ? I feel like all the claws are out for me atm … theres some really nasty people about who dont even care about having a go at a widow ! Shame on bloody them thats what i say ! X
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Well your optimistic … feel like i been stuck in this dark tunnel for a long time - everytime you think there may be some hope of it getting easier and less painful somebody seems to come along and kicks you right back down it again… i have no faith in human beings anymore - theyre awful ! X
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Btw you know that plonker i told you about with the dog - given up on him ! Hes well and truly out of the picture now ! So no need to worry … xx
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Hi Susie3021 yes was a lovely holiday and the best company you could wish for I came home Monday and although I didn’t cry once on holiday and laughed my heart out for a change, haven’t stop crying since I came home the loneliness is horrendous also I came home with a chest infection this is the time I’ve been ill since my husband passed just 1 year ago he always looked after me looks like I’m going to have to get some antibiotics haven’t slept for days with this continuous cough and yes night time and weekends are the worst time I still have my husband’s ashes he wanted to be spread around this big oak tree at the crematorium and that’s were he’ll go but as I don’t drive and my family all work it would be impossible to go and see him when I wanted, I know he’d agree that we both go together and that’s what I’ve decided so at the moment he’s stopped with me big hugs and take care Wendy
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If something was going to happen it would have by now, well at least a tiny hint of something ahead…so yeah you are right to give up on him! xx
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I will still chat to him if i see him … but hardly ever see him … hes just a sort of fairweather friend thats all i suppose ! Funny man he is ! God that expression …nowt so queer as folk … dont understand him tbh … hes fine when i talk to him and then he seems to disappear …
Quite funny really and certainly a strange one x
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Nearly a year now and the grief seems to be getting harder if that’s possible. I wake most nights around 3-4am and just can’t get back to sleep. I feel so lost most of the time but these hours are worse. I really would like to find a grief chat session but there isn’t one near me so I have to pour my heart out on here. Thank goodness for this site and all you lovely people. Things that were little worries when I had my lovely husband here now seem like mountains to climb. How do I move on without him. Life is so dam hard. Sorry to carry on. Going to try to get some sleep but don’t hold out much hope. Take care every one. Ann x
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