@Griff - we are with you. I know it is not Graham - the one you want so much it hurts so bad, like me for Tom - but maybe go and sit, and talk with him. As I am doing here tonight. It helps me for sure. We are a little band, you and me and the others. I am drawing strength from that xx
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@nel we are together, our little band on here. I am so glad and grateful for that. I am still wading my way through business stuff here in France - but feeling better that I have my friends here. Those we know outside donāt understand, just donāt get it. Sadly, they will in time. Our priority is surviving now, day to day. For me, our little band is helping me get through. Letās invite anyone we know on here to join us. xxx
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Iām here with this supportive band of people in their grief. Wishing us all the strength to get through this, one step at a time. I too am glad & grateful for you all.
Sending love and hugs xx
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@JaneyS - this is our band, you are with us, thank you x
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Hello Flossy,
When I lost Malcolm in January we had a short holiday booked for the end of April.The first thing I did was cancel it,I looked in his diary and he had written Happy Holidays on the day we were due backā¦he wrote Last day of our Holidayā¦time to plan another.
Those simple phrases have broken my heart.I can only imagine how you feel but if it is anything like I feel you have every bit of sympathy I can muster.x
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@Pushkin28 - itās heartbreaking to think we have all these dates to face. Anniversaries, cancelled holidays, birthdays - how are we going to get through them? I have lovely family and friends but I spend so much time by myself. The people around you just canāt fill the void left by our other halves. I would love to think that I can get through these dates and feel optimistic but at the moment I just canāt imagine it happening. I hope you find a way to get through these difficult times.
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I hope we all do Flossy,I have a few good friends but only three family members who live fairly locally but are very busy with their own lives.Malcolmās funeral was delayed until February due to a postmortum.Since then I have only seen my nephew once,my brother does ring me which is nice but he is talking about retiring from work and telling me their plans for retirement.
Iām happy that my(our) friends and family are happy but it makes you feel even more alone.
Unfortunately we didnāt have children,due to me having Cancer but Malcolm has children from a previous short marriage we get on well but they live abroad and due to Covid we didnāt see much of them.
The void you mention is unbearable,itās been there months of the worst heartache and unimaginable pain.
Some days there is a glimmer of light but that is soon snuffed out like a candleā¦Malcolm was my guiding light and his light was snuffed out far too soon.x
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Talking of holidays Graham died at the end of our holiday in Barbados and his funeral last Thursday the 7th April was meant to be when we went to Egypt. Our wedding anniversary will be 16th May and we always wanted to cruise the Greek Islands. On 11th May I taking a photo and some of hus ashes on a cruise to the Greek Islands on the ship we were on for the last four weeks of his life . The ship, Greek Islands and date of our anniversary it just seemed too coincidental not to book. We (he) had booked things for my 60th this year. Waiting so long for yhe funeral is like having the plaster ripped off a wound all over again @Pushkin28 itās just awful.
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Meant yo say Graham died 5th Feb but Repatriation and post mortem just awful
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Hi Griff,itās horrendousā¦Malcolmās death was due to medical neglect.His GP said his symptoms āwerenāt importantā .Malcolm dropped dead in the kitchen two days later.
He was given the news by his doctor over the phone so he wasnāt even examined.
He was in a rush to sign the death certificate from a condition he didnāt have.
It must have been appalling for you to have all the distress of repatriation.x
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@pushkin do you feel you donāt have the strength or need the stress yo shout hey whatās gone wrong but at the same time know you canāt let Malcolm down. I do its so frustrating Graham was waiting for a pacemaker but because of his mental health severe general anxiety disorder they were reluctant to book him an appointment 
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I wouldnāt wish this pain and sadness on anyone but Iām pleased to be on a site where people are experiencing the same emotions and are truly able to share each other pain.
Thank you all
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To be honest Geoff I felt as though Malcolm was murdered.
I know itās a strong word to use but his GP who hadnāt bothered to see him and said what was not important still prescribed drugs that arrived two days before he died and it was thought it was the drugs that killed him.x
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Sorry meant to type Griff.x
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I know what you mean about other people sharing their plans making you feel sad. I try not to begrudge anyone happiness but it just highlights what weāve lost. My friends were meeting up to raise a glass to my husband and usually we would have been in that group - I felt devastated but I understood their need to comfort each other too. I sat at home and sobbed but I would never admit that to them.
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I do feel I donāt have the strength to carry on tooā¦almost three months feels like a lifetime.x
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Oh pushkin and flossy, I really feel for you both. I canāt believe you were sat at home flossy and not with your friends. Pushkin I feel very let down by Grahamās GP and specialists and understand your strong wording completely.
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@Griff I admire you. I would never have the confidence to travel alone. I can see how you feel that fate is taking you on the cruise and I really hope it gives you everything that you need.
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I was thinking just the same Flossy.It takes me all my courage to go to the corner shop.x
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Does anyone here have serious health conditions themselves and struggle on their own even more without their partner?x
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