I’m in good health as far as I know, I retired early to care for my husband, I was a teacher and both roles were impossible to fulfil.
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Yes me Pushkin. I’ve had cancer and therefore assumed my husband would live longer than me. I have the anxiety that cancer brings and am now feeling every twinge and ache might be the cancer returning. Without my husband to support me there’s no one I can share that anxiety with.
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You can always share that anxiety with us Flossy, any time. Graham was anxious about wind and snow, stairs, hills everyday was a plan to make it easy, after CBT he even managed to go over a small bridge without me holding his hand. Oh how I want to hold his hand now.
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Hi Griff,I was a teacher too but medically retired.x
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Covid and the treatment of teachers finished me off looking after a vulnerable person but not getting our vaccines. Graham was much more important, I do miss the children though.
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Flossy,I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer thirty five years ago when I was 27 .That type of cancer was rare for the age group.It went undiagnosed for five years.I was given all the usual treatments and released to the care of a hospice as terminal.
I’m still here…please don’t fret too much.x
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The other health conditions I have are OsteoArthritis,Radiation sickness.PTSD…out of all of those anxiety is the very worst.x
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What age group did you teach Griff?x
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Glossy if you would like to send me a private message please do.x
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Just up to key stage one but early years and foundation stage was my favourite. What about you?
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Invite everyone we know is an interesting concept Vancouver.I think it.might shed some light on the ordeals of bereavement and could help a family member or friend to understand how really awful we feel…It could enable them to help and understand.
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Hi Griff,I qualified as infant /junior and taught infants for my first eight years.I carried on with post graduate qualifications in TEFL and TESL.Then I went back to Yorkshire travelling around various schools rather than based at none.
I then went into Special needs for a few years,then taught literacy and numeracy to young offenders.
Unfortunately I became ill so I took early retirement.
I lost Malcolm in January this year and I barely know what to do with myself.x
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I was at same sch for 24yrs. In some ways I’m grateful that me n Graham had planned what we wanted to do this year, I’m going to do them and take his photo n few ashes with me. I’m going with our daughter and her family to walk up snowdon and do the zip wire this weekend and got our head bag (it’s our well travelled back pack) and have cried uncontrollable tears. I’m now thinking why am I doing these things to torture myself the easiest option would be to stay in our bed forever.
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I think and hope in time I can face volunteering work for MIND or carers 1st both charities have supported us for past 10 years. We have raised £1,260 for both charities from Graham’s funeral, I can’t believe it will be one week tomorrow since funeral
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Pushkin you have so many skills and experience you will get strong and find a way to use them I’m sure. I just have a chat with Graham and say what do you think and after 42 yrs you can know what their answer will be.
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Hi Griff,
Thank you for your reply.You are so brave,my mental health has suffered an appalling shock,due to Malcolm’s sudden unexpected death.I was the one with serious health conditions he had never suffered anything serious and was on no medication.
I/we expected me to go first…I always said to him that I wanted to be the one to for first and he would say “don’t be so selfish” .
It isn’t his death I am trying to recover from,in the last five years I have lost my only Uncle,my Dad and Malcolm who was by far the youngest.
We were together for 39years and due to me having had Cancer couldn’t have children.I have three living relatives brother,Niece and Nephew.My brother phoned occasionally but I haven’t seen him since the funeral.I haven’t seen my Neice,she has a busy life but I have seen my Nephew.
I feel lost,devastated and depressed.I cry a great deal and hardly leave the house.
That’s why I admire your courage,I just cannot summon up the courage to do anything much.It is compounded by the fact that I still have serious health conditions and can’t drive.
I live in a very small village with one shop,a church,school and a pub.The bus goes in one direction only and that is every 90minutes.
Friends have suggested I move but I can’t even consider that yet as I would feel as though I would be leaving Malcolm behind and our life together.
I don’t even know what killed him Griff,medical negligence is involved in his death and although I could hold his funeral cause of death hasn’t yet been established.x
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I’m so sorry pushkin there isn’t anything I can say which would ease your feelings. I’m not on social media sites so I can’t even offer support any other way.
Do know I’m always here anytime Pushkin
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Hi Pushkin
I’m so sorry that you have needed to come to this site but so pleased that you have found it. Your grief must be compounded by the fact that medical negligence was involved. I’m so sorry.
My husband, Ian, passed away just over 42 weeks ago now. It was very sudden and unexpected. Out of the blue he received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and seven weeks later he had gone. We were together for over 40 years and I am still coming to terms with what has happened.
I also live in a small village in Devon and can go days without seeing anyone. Since Ian passed away, I’ve been asked countless times about moving by practically everyone I come across! I just reply that it is too early to make such an important decision. Like you, I still see it as Ian’s house so everything is as how he left it, even down to his unfinished jigsaw still under the settee. To be honest, I can’t see myself moving as it would be like leaving Ian behind.
Take care of yourself and only do what you want to do. It is such early days for you and you will have many ups and downs but remember, we are all here for you.
X Julie
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I can understand where you are coming from ,6 months and I’m still struggling, My Tina was so strong, I’m glad she has no more pain, I decided to move back near my family, the move has kept me busy i still talk to her all the time I move in 4weeks ,I have Tina, s ashes so she will still be with me on my next adventure ,we were together 50years, but I still blubber when I’m on my own, then I hear Tina say come on get on with it.xx
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Thank you for your kindness Griff.x
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