I feel exactly the same. A year ago yesterday Ian received a terminal diagnosis. We were told a year but seven weeks later he was gone.
Like you, I’m so tired of just living I suppose. I can’t believe it is nearly a year since my life was shattered. I don’t know where the year has gone as it still seems like yesterday.
What will another year bring us, more of the same I suppose. I can see no future and yet I will have to get through it somehow.
I still text Ian twice a day and have done since he passed away. Somehow, it makes the house seem less silent.
I don’t cry as much but I feel such a deep sadness and numbness inside me as all I want is my old life with Ian back.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
X Julie
Thank you both for your replies we are all struggling with out our soul mate beside us it is sad that others are going through all this sadness helps to talk and share with you always some one to talk to
Yes hope tomorrow we will feel a bit stronger I think I must mow the grass and do some gardening if it’s dry makes me sad but he would not like to see it in a mess
Thinking of you all xx
“Tired of trying”
really sums it up.
For the last 30 hours I have been suffering from food poisoning.
I know I must have water and somehow will get myself to the kitchen. If David were here I’d have nothing to think about. There would be water beside me. He would be beside me, talking to me , reading to me or just silently holding me.
Please, all of you, just hold on. It DOES get better with time. The empty longing is relaced by something easier to live with. Take heart because it is then that your dear one feels closer.
I have no family and live in an isolated spot but despite being so ill, so alone and needing help, I am strengthened by David’s love.
Something is sustaining all of us on this site and I think it is love.
God bless.
Oh Prof sorry that you have food poisoning that is rubbish and David is not there to be with you but as you say his love see you through such a hard journey for us all hope you manage to get a good night sleep and soon feel better thanks for sharing with us this site helps
Xxxx
Hi everyone, seems this weekend has been a struggle for us all. Life is never going to be the same again and we are all meeting challenges we thought we would never have to do on our own.
Just got home from a friends 50th Wedding Anniversary party. The first time I have ventured out by myself in over a year that’s not included my family.
I didn’t have to go on my own, went with another friend. This is okay, I can get through this seeing all those couples I will survive the evening. Then someone asked me where my husband was tonight. I assumed most people already knew so it took me by surprise. It made all the more worse when they kept apologising for upsetting me.
This is our lives now we have to except this going to happen.
@Prof I hope you feel better soon, that is when we miss our husband’s the most when your not well and at your most vulnerable and no one is there to take care of you.
Thank you everyone, without this site and the hand of friendship I don’t know how any of us would survive. X X X
Dear Debbie,
Bravo for attending such an event! I can imagine the shock of being asked about your husband. The truth is, he was with you. That is no comfort I know. We all hate the sheer loneliness of being in a gathering of couples but you did well to accept the invitation and I salute you.
God bless.
I think u r very strong being in an isolated place & on yr own.
It is David that keeps u going.
Like thinking abt my husband oliver very day, gets me through the day. & it’s been over 4 yrs.
We never forget, we just learn 2 live with the grief.
Hi Debbie, you did so well! I was supposed to go to a garden party yesterday and I just couldn’t face it. I had been to theatre night before and people were just too enthusiastic I hated it and thought I’m not putting myself through that again. You are so brave.
Thanks Debbie the sadness and pain is exhausting. I have lots planned but I’m finding it harder as time goes on. Graham died 12 weeks ago yesterday and I just want a hug and chat with him even a dream would do.
Hi. My husband Phillip passed suddenly 5 months ago. I understand how you feel. I am finding each day is getting harder. I haven’t had a a good cry. I am like a zombie, most of the time I don’t know what I am doing. I think I am still in shock. I am sending you a hug.
Five months is still such such a short time so please don’t expect too much of yourself. Ian passed away suddenly over 45 weeks ago now but I still feel numb inside and I just can’t come to terms with what has happened.
My life really ended when his did and it’s still just a matter of taking each day as it comes. It’s true when they say that everyone’s grief journey is different……
Hello, Nanagrace.
I’m so sorry for your loss and not being able to cry is part of the shock.
The passionate weeping, when it comes, is exhausting but, I believe, healing and probably a necessary part of the grieving process.
I have found myself in “dry” episodes and understand that “zombie” like state when we seem to be functioning but feel like an onlooker. There’s an emptiness and we can feel detached from reality, while still knowing that the life we knew has stopped.
I don’t know which is worse but do believe that the tears have healing in them.
God bless.
Griff,
I’m here! Scream as loud as you can, sob and cry. I did that 2 nights ago…I was exhausted afterwards but I slept for more than a few hours. I haven’t lost a husband…I’ve lost my 38 year old son. We were very, very close best friends as well as mother and son. But the pain is the same…the longing to see them walk in the door, say hello…give you a hug.
We’re all here for the same reason. It’s hard to go on but we’re all still alive and the ones we’ve lost would want us to carry on. I hope that one day in the future I’ll feel happy again…maybe just for a few hours a day that would do. I loved my son so much, he was such a beautiful, caring person but I know he wouldn’t want my life to end because his has. At the moment I feel empty, lost, angryand so, so sad.
You’re not alone…we’re all here.
Sue xxxx
Hi sue, I thought I was doing so well and now I’m broken, cried so much I have a headache. I feel like the grief is only just coming its so alien to me I’m not this person I’m turning into and it scares me. Thank you for your reply, it’s nice to know that right now there’s someone here.
Hi Griff,I know this won’t help much but I feel the same.It’s bank holiday and I have just been sitting in the garden.Next door had a bbq and four young grandchildren round.I was invited but couldn’t face it.
Hearing laughing and seeing all the fun was too much so I came in and sobbed my heart out.I hate being alone but I feel so much more alone in company.xx
