Complicated grief after losing Mum over 10 years ago

[Alice97]

I lost my Mum to cancer over 10 years ago when I was just turning 16 and I’m only just facing it now.

I was put on antidepressants pretty much straight after her passing and only came off them last year. Now, everything that I’ve held in over the years is coming out. It’s been about 7 months of coming to terms with my Mum’s death, most of which were almost unbearable. I had ptsd symptoms, lost all my colour and weight. Then, just when I thought things were getting a little easier, it’s all hit me again.

The grief is overwhelming. Some days I can’t do anything, even the simplest tasks feel too hard. I haven’t been able to concentrate for months, I miss life’s simple pleasures like being able to read a book or socialise with friends. But my mind is just constantly on my Mum and I can’t find much joy in life. Sometimes all I can do is lie down and stare at the ceiling.

What makes it worse is that the rest of my family have processed it already, so I feel so alone in this. They tell me to stop crying and be strong but I just can’t. My therapist is the only person who truly lets me grieve. My partner is amazing, but even he struggles with it sometimes.

I just want my life back, I want this to be over but it just feels like it never will be.

I guess I’m here just looking for anyone who understands, and has gone through complicated grief. I just need some hope.

[Seaneen]

I’m so sorry about your mum, @Alice97. You are not alone. You might want to connect with @Brit - they lost their mum at a similar age to you and may understand some of what you’re going through. They posted this thread a few days ago:

Losing parents

Hi, this is the first time I’ve written anything on here. I’m 23 and I’ve lost both parents, my mum passed unexpectedly 8 years ago and my dad passed unexpectedly last year. Last year I went to my dads the day before he passed and he wasn’t feeling very well at the time, I asked him if he wanted me to call 111 but he told me not too because he had this illness multiple times in the past and he didn’t think he needed us too. I told him to call me if he needed anything or if he wanted me to stay…

If you click this link, you can read posts by other members who are coping with complicated grief, too. We also have a support page on complicated grief which explains how it might feel and what kind of help is available.

I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. Please do keep reaching out to the community and take care,

Seaneen

[Natalie44]

Hi,

You are not alone lovely.

I lost my mum 14 years ago and my dad 7 years ago, and they’re on my mind everyday……

It’s so difficult, the family I had left treat me and the kids like we also died with them, which I feel has made the loss of my mum more heightened.

I had a nervous breakdown, after the birth of my third child as the hormones heightened everything and could no longer cope. Fast forward almost 11 years and I’m still here, fighting through each day.

Sending big hugs- here if you need to chat…… Xx

[Brit]

Hello, I’m so sorry your going through this❤️

My mum passed away when I was 15 and I felt like I hadn’t really processed it and now I find myself thinking about her all the time. I had a baby this year and everytime he does something new, I’d love to call my parents and tell them about it or ask for advice.

I havnt started any therapy yet but I am looking into it, if you don’t mind me asking, do you find it helpful? It’s something I’m considering but I’m not sure what to expect.

Something that helped me was trying to take each day as it comes, if I’m having a hard day il try to go out because if I stay in I tend to overthink everything.

Grief is such a lonely feeling, your not alone in this and if I can help at all, reach out to me x