I am sending you a hug Tahereh, your dad will b with you at every step of the way and I am sure he is proud of you in every possible way. xxx
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Loving Prayers Jayne and Hugs. Happy New Year
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New Yearās Eve is one of the most difficult times for me. My Phil was the life and soul of new year. He always wanted all our family and friends round. I havent been able to celebrate new year since I lost him. Even my neighbours say new year isnāt the same any more, they always used to get a visit from him.
Iām so sorry for everyone who is so sad right now and missing someone dear, I hope the new year brings a little happiness to you all.
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Arms around you when you feel you are drowning. You are NOT ALONE. Let it out here WHENEVER you need.
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@TweedyLady Iāve felt like Iām drowning today. I really canāt cope with much more of feeling like this. I just feel like I cannot cope without him and I donāt know what to do.
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I have been the same today, I just cant cope, sat at the park in the dark looking through videos on my phone just to hear his voice and his laugh again. Iām dreading the New Year, I feel im leaving my husband in 2022 and I have to move on to a new year but I donāt want to. I cant move on.
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Welcome Sara, i feel ur pain, i lost my husband suddenly, he had a stomach aneurysm, they couldnāt operate over the years as his health wasnāt good, it ruptured and that was it, he passed inside 24 hours 4 months ago! Christmas was hard, now the new year, i canāt forget that last day when they called me into a room to tell me thereās nothing they could do for him! I just had to sit and watch him pass away! Its like a nightmare 
theres days Iām not coping at all, my mind keeps going back to that fateful day, its hurting my heart so much 
xx
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Karetiredā¦I also lost my husband in August after 52yrs of marriageā¦I also feel my love intensified too! I canāt even think of a bad memory 
always the good, my heart is broken and i canāt get the final day out of my mind, its torture xx
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What a price we all pay for the love and devotion shared and I also in our love and loyalty for each other. Over those precious years. I personally would not wish my lovely man to be feeling what I am now feeling, such despair and loss. I would not have missed a moment of our 52 years together though. It is a wonder to me that he loved me as I love him still. Hugs to all of you bereft still
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I am only with you, in my heart, as I know you just hopelessly wait and wait for relief.
Sometimes I want to run and then I just sit or lay, hoping the moments which seem like hours and days, will pass.
I hope for nothing now, yet have just recently had glimpses of peaceful acceptance.
Though I feel guilty, when I experience some joy and pleasure, I gratefully welcome these times when they come along.
I donāt plan I donāt hope, yet sometimes itās there. Perhaps itās him by my side.
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Oh, @TweedyLady, thank you so much for these beautiful words.
They have such meaning for me and my belief that my Mark is with me, at my side, guiding and encouraging me to be the best that I can be - as he always has done.
There are moments when I accept that he has gone and then the chasm of emptiness opens and my sadness and aloness flows out.
I look at his photograph, smile at him and he tells me, it will be okay.
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I too was married for 52 years, we weāre together for 57 yrs. We were high school sweethearts. I have said so many times that every woman should be blessed with a husband like mine. He truly was a gift. I lost him in Aug. I am beginning to understand that grief will be a constant companion. I just want the sharp edges of pain and agony to dull a little. Love and peace to everyone
Karem
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Hugs and empathy to you 
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It will ease with time. I have found that B12 tablets really give energy and a sense of calm. I lost my father in April 2022 and gradually coming to terms with the grief.
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@Fran61
I completely understand the āwhat if I had doneā¦ā scenario. My husband told me two weeks before he died suddenly after playing football, that he had a bit of pain across his chest after playing that week. My suggestion was that it was worrying and if it happened again to go to the Dr. Why, oh why didnāt
I say āGo straight to the Dr?ā
Logically it was because he had no other symptoms, was slim and fit and it could have been a bit of heartburn or muscle pain. He had driven home ten minutes after it happened and went to the pub as usual after football so it hadnāt been that bad. Does that make me stop thinking he could still have been here had I made a different comment?ā Of course not.
We can only do what feels right at the time and learn to accept that there is a reason for everything.
Love to all suffering the uncertainty of āif only,ās.
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@KarenF Even though I know youāre talking sense about the if only and what ifās I too drive myself mad going over and over in my head about the things I did or didnāt say. Would the outcome have been different.? I will always blame myself and will carry that with me 'till itās my time. X
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I can easily resonate with what you are saying. When my husband had a heart attack in bed beside the 999 operator told me an ambulance was on its way. In the meantime she talked me through CPR and told me to get him on the floor but because the space beside his side of the bed was small I couldnāt. I didnāt even think about dragging him across my side as the paramedics did when they got there. Would I have been more successful in helping him if I did get him on the floor ? Who knows he never regained consciousness and the paramedic assured me it would have made no difference - still I often wonder. Why do we punish ourselves?
So sad 
Gworgina
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I found my husband on the settee. I worry that if Iād just used the recliner function instead of wasting time dragging him onto the floor, would it have made a difference?
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Oh how we torture ourselves, me included with the āwhat ifās and if onlyāsā. I have gone over, over, and over again the choices I made until literally I am anxious, can hardly breathe and sobbing. I have to take a deep breath, step back and stop beating myself up until the next time it starts again. My sweet grieving friends I am sure you realize you did everything you could, as I do. So I ask my self why these thoughts creep back in. Human nature I guess.
Peace and love, Karen
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