Coping alone

My husband died in Sept 2022, we had been wed for 48 years, i went into total shock where i couldnt think straight, eventually my facalties started to return, now i just feel so lost and sad, i try to put on a brave front for the sake of my adult children, but when alone i cant stop crying, which is making me exhausted, i cant sleep, so im tired constantly.
Im also diabetic and have had several fits, which scares me being on my own.
I wished it had been me that had gone and not him, my daughter said he wouldnt of been able to cope without you mum, but im finding it hard to cope without him he was my rock, my children think im strong but im not, i just hide it well so as not to worry them.
I dont have any friends as im unable to walk far due to pains in my legs, i do go to town once a week and hire a mobility scooter, just to get out of the house weather permiting of course.
I have trouble believing he’s gone, he went shopping on the monday, and Tuesday he had a heart attack and died so sudden.


Hello @HazelMalazel ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your husband that brings you here. You say you are feeling so lost and sad right now, and managing your own health while grieving must be so difficult and worrying for you.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

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Hi @HazelMalazel I am so sorry for your loss . I think you must be honest to your children and ask them for more support at this difficult time . I hope things get easier for you

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My husband died suddenly and the shock was horrific. I’ve loads of gaps in my memory from that time, I don’t even remember choosing his coffin. They say the brain shuts out things it doesn’t want to process well I wish it would shut out my pain. I became so ill in the lead up to his funeral I very nearly didn’t make it. I talk to him mainly saying I love you and where are you. Life is awful. Sending love

Hi @Sukey . Bless you my love . I was too shocked the day of funeral and sweating terribly until they arrived at my house . I had to stop the car on the way back to vomit and that carried on all day after it . I love him so much

Hello Jol darling
I love Carl so much too, I remember the first time I realised I loved him, my heart soared and I had wonderful butterflies in my tummy, now I just feel sick and my heart hurts. My cancer has taken a turn for the worst too, the thing that bothers me most is leaving my dog Charlie as we’ve barely been apart, I’ve just stroked him out of a bad dream, he was so pleased to see me. Sending love xxxx Jane xxx

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It’s horrible isn’t it just getting through the day. My family think I’m ok too but I couldn’t feel worse. I’ve got terminal cancer but I tend to forget it until today when I was told my condition had worsened. Scared and numb if that’s possible. Want to be with Carl but don’t want to leave my dog, he will be lost as we are so close. God life is shit xxx Jane xxx

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So sorry to hear what you are going through at present, i had both parents go through the same thing.
Put all your energy into your dog, as he will be a great comfort to you, as animals love is unconditional, and i send you mine.

Hi@sukey love , I am so sorry for your suffering . I’m glad you can remember the feelings you had for Carl . They will give us comfort I hope one day Jane . I really hope they do because at the moment ots torture . The only good thing is the doctor has given me some anti ds. and I am sleeping more so far Jane . My love to you

Life is shit love . Bless you Jane

You have a friend here we are in the same boat

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My love to you too Jol
Glad you’ve got some meds, in the morning I take them to stop shaking and I’m the evening to help me sleep. I’ve another “nodule” on the opposite lung and my oncologist says we can assume it’s cancer too. No rush as it’s tiny but just having tests to see where I stand. I don’t care in the great scheme of things, I just want Carl back, life is horrible. Wish we could talk properly xxxx

That’s just not right. My love . You don’t deserve all this bad luck . Xxxx

I wish I could give you my phone number xxx

Wish I could give you my number xxx

@Jol @Sukey could you not private message each other on here as I have private message a few people which is private and no one else can see or read your posts xx

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It’s not that Hazel I think we both just want to hear each others voices xxx

Hey @Hazel.1966 … you ok. Had a rough day yesterday ! So down … but better today. Dont you find since your husband passed so many things get to you like they didnt before ? Xx


@Sukey what I meant was if you private message each other then you can swap phone numbers xx


@Deb5 yes definitely…so hard all the time. Miss my husband so very much. I started having trauma therapy which was arranged by my doctor. That was hard though hopefully will help. Do you ever feel alright and think you are doing well then without warning you just start crying uncontrollably. Seems to creep up on you Xx

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