It’s why I cleared out most of my wife’s things when I was able. I kept all her paintings on the walls and her sketchbooks. I will look at them again one day. But do we need ‘things’ to remind us? So many things can trigger memories and emotions. Should we be always stirring emotions? I’m not suggesting we can ever forget anything, but putting ourselves deliberately through pain is not good. By that I don’t mean the involuntary emotions that occur through things over which we have no control. But keeping so may reminders causes so much unnecessary pain. It is, of course, a personal view and a personal choice.
Is ‘comfort’ simply putting off the day when we need to let go? I don’t know yet for sure, but I feel it may be. Best wishes.
Hi Jonathan, tend to agree with your thinking. I was able to part with Brian’s things/clothes quite early on as I found I didn’t need items to remind me of him, he was well and truly embedded in my heart and I had so many wonderful memories of him. I did feel terrible selling his musical instruments but there was no one to pass them onto and what use were they to me. The loft was no place for them to end their days.
The man who purchased his best guitar, the one he played for thirty years on stage sent me a lovely photograph of it when he had brought it back to pristine condition, I have it framed as a tribute to Brian. Now I know that I made the right decision to send them back out into the outside world. I have put some of Brian’s photographs away as everywhere I looked he was looking back at me. At first I found them comforting but as time went on my attitude was changing, as you say, stirring emotions. I still have some but not as many. He has half started paintings and sketches which one day I hope to finish for him but at the moment they are locked away. As you so rightly say it’s a personal choice and what works for each of us.
Take care
Pat xxx
Thank you I have just seen your lovely message. I’m still a bit rocky to be honest. Making small steps that’s all. Lots of tears. Hoe are you xxx
Hi. I’m taking each day at a time and trying to make every day include some success no matter how small. I’m back at work on reduced hours which is hard, but an important step. I have days where I feel down all day, other days I might cry in the car and then be ok. It’s up and down. I hope you are taking care of yourself, eat well. Drink water and rest xxxx
Hi again, thank you so much for your response. I think you’re right about taking it a day at a time, maybe even an hour, minute at a time. Like you I’m trying to have some positives in my day. I’m going back to work in the classroom after the school Xmas holidays. I have been invited by the children to their Xmas school lunch. I have accepted and will paint a big smile on my face and I know I’ll love seeing the children’s excitement. You’re right, tears and then wipe your eyes, take a deep breath and move forward. Again thanks for your concern and I wish you well and send lots of love and best wishes to you xxx
Hi…I’m a teacher too. Secondary though . Good luck getting back to the classroom xxx
Thank you, I will do it. I have just been ‘talking’ to my late husband Tom. I’ve asked for a big hug. I need one from him. How are you doing hun xxxx
Yeah a hug would be good here too. Glad I’m not the only one who talks to their other halves. I think you’re doing great…hope you get a good nights sleep and maybe we’ll get a hug whilst we’re asleep x
Aw bless you. Sorry if my replies are a little erratic. I reckon my body clock is a bit haywire tbh. I find myself talking to Tom quite often and I’m glad too to hear I’m not the only one. We must get some kind of comfort from doing this, maybe it’s a bit of ‘normality’. How are you at work . hope its helping in some small way. I mentioned I was going back after Xmas. I’m not a teacher though I did think of doing that after my degree but went into marketing instead (bad choice). I’m doing two days a week of reading volunteering. I’ve been doing it a year now and absolutely love it. I’m hoping it will bring back some sense of pattern and rhythm into my life. We’re not going crazy are we with our sometimes erratic thoughts and moods. Just trying to go forward the best way we can. And I reckon even though we all suffers a loss we are all very different and travel the road ahead in the best way we can. I’m sure I’m going in reverse down that road sometimes tbh. You take good care of yourself and always remember you are doing great too. Big hugs and love to you xx
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