My husband died almost four months ago.
Our two kids and I have settled into a new routine and a new kind of normal .
I’m not back to work yet, I manage to fill my days but some days it’s just a cry day , which I tend to give into as usually I feel able to carry on again after a ‘grief day’.
I try to have good times with my kids and friends. I don’t put anything off since my husband died, he believed in living in the moment especially after he was given his terminal diagnosis. I try to find a pocket of joy if I can, every day, even if it’s just because I showered!
Yet, as this new normal settles, I miss M more than ever and feel desperately alone, not lonely but alone. My kids are young and wonderful and bring life to our home, but the aloneness is suffocating. Even if I’m in a busy place with friends I feel it.
I keep getting told ‘I’ll be fine ‘ or so-and-so lost her husband young and ‘she got over it’ by those who mean well but don’t have a clue.
It’s his birthday before Christmas, he would of been 50. There’s also our first Christmas without him and many other anniversaries to contend with. Just a whole set of dates which once were celebratory now have a sense of dread.
My kids and I talk openly about how we’re feeling, especially about his birthday and Christmas, they’re so resilient, far better than I am.
The responsibility I feel for them as an only parent just exacerbates the aloneness. How will I cope to work, raise the kids, school holidays etc. I have amazing friends but no other support at all.
I miss having my partner, my best friend my love of my life. I miss him dreadfully and I am back living in my head full of memories of him, just like when he first started to deteriorate and just after he died.
Is this aloneness here to stay?? I think it maybe . Does it get easier or just different?
I’m functioning but will I actually live again?
I’d welcome your thoughts , experiences lovely community here , please
Yes I feel alone. The cat for company. She is sitting on me at the moment. I live alone since my husband died Nov 1922. Yes you get used to being lonely and you never know when or what turns up to change things. But at times it is too much. My family are suddenly coming telling me late so I am not prepared so am on the back foot. There is a frozen chicken I got out of the freezer.
Means a dash to the shop just before they come.
I will just have to make do.
I am trying to go to different places to try them out. Yes you will live again. One step at a time
I chat on here. I use zoom and enjoy sharing online. I talk to folk who pass. I went to Warner’s locally twice for a one night and two night stay and chatted in the spa. Had to pluck up courage lots times.
Hello and yes I feel lonely too. I live with my adult daughter. I also have two dogs which are the reason I get up and get out, to walk them for as long as I can manage. I miss the life I had . Derek and I did absolutely everything together. Now nothing is the same, this sort of grief changes every aspect of your life. However, I can see that I am coping better now than I did last month or last week. I am not happy, I can not sleep but I am learning to live my new life . Jo
Yes it was a nice interlude when my family came bustling in. Is the dinner ready at 20 to 12 we are starving after being in the swimming pool. Yes almost I said. Good job I had got it ready after the complaints last time when it wasn’t.
So I guess I have improved. Was a stretch I must admit. But I have lowered my housework standards and just cut corners. Everyone had food. Then back to alone. Took me ages clearing up.
Always does. When my husband was alive he did the washing up, cooking and shopping. I am still getting used to doing whole lot
I don’t think I will ever cope with the loneliness
One of my daughters come and see me once a week but the rest of the time I’m just so lonely I do push myself to go out but it’s hard as me and my husband did everything together
It has been 6 months for me. I share your feelings and the feeling of aloneness as a lone parent of our young adult children. I have to do what my husband was doing and what he would have done for our children.
I talk to him in mind when I do something he used to do, hoping that he is saying ‘well done’.
For a few days before our wedding anniversay, I could not control myself and cried a lot. But I went back to the town and church where we had our wedding and went for a long walk with one of our children, talking about our wedding day and what we used to do in the town (we moved when our children were very small). It was a beautiful day with a blue sky. It helped me coping with the day. We are going away for Christmas. I do not know what I will do for his birthday, which is just after Christmas. But we will celebrate it in one way or another.
As some people say, pain will never go away but we can learn to live with it. I assume aloneness is the same. But it is still very hard to accept the fact that he will never physically come home. Yet I know time flies, and the children and I will soon get older.
I find the loneliness and lake of contact with a person very hard
It’s not quite the same typing to people it’s much better to talk to a person even if it’s over the phone
This December will be two years since I lost the love of my life. It was complicated over the last few years and that only adds to my anguish and grief. After all this time there isn’t a day that goes by without me wishing I could see or talk to him. I am lonely still …even when with other people. I accept that these feelings will last as long as they need to - I force myself to do social things and now that is easier than it was 12 months ago…so I believe in another 12 months it will be even better. I am hopeful that I won’t be this lonely for the rest of my life…I see that is within me to change…when I’m ready.
I’m nearly at my first year and I hope it gets better
Trying to push yourself to go out is really hard it worrying that people might not talk to mei went to a new group today it was nice sitting having a coffee with other people
Well today the sun came out and still is.
I mowed front garden and got puffed out as had COVID vaccine on Saturday. Back needs doing but haven’t got energy
I chopped some bushes and will pull few weeds. Was thinking he would have been doing it.
Recall him sitting in the chair two years ago only five days left at our home before he went into hospital and never came out again.
I see his head like I had from the kitchen window and watching me struggling to do it and hear him saying just let it die down naturally. Then remember I got a chair and sat down with him looking at the berries in the bushes and the birds flying around.
I see his face in my lobby as I put the rubbish out again what he used to do.
Today I just blew his photos a kiss on my way out. Looking at when he looked happy. He was so sad before he had to go to hospital he knew really it was all downhill and said he wouldn’t be here next year and he wasn’t. It isn’t as raw as last year but it still hurts badly. My sons and grandchildren come sometimes which is better but there are days and days in between.
I’m nearly at a year too. I’m finding it much harder at the moment than I have so far. I think it’s because that first flurry of making an effort to do things and see people has worn off, and the reality of not having the person that shared my history is kicking in. I am in my early 50s and it feels like a long time to be alone. And yes, you can feel really alone in a room full of family and good friends.
My first year will be on 23rd October so just a few weeks away
I find it harder now I still sometimes think that it’s a bad nightmare
I’m 68 I have grown up kids and grown up grandchildren but I only see one of my daughters she comes once a week with my grandson it is very lonely
Take care
Well I don’t have loads of years and try to take each day as it comes. Today I joined an online yoga class for carers as I am a carer to my adult son who doesn’t live with me but am his carer all the same as have to check he is alright all right the time. My husband used to help and feel the weight of responsibility. I text him every day and he is always contacting me. I worry about him. I didn’t go out today as it pelted down with rain
@Mrst2 i too feel the weight of being alone for the next many years (I’m late 40s).
I’m not interested in finding anyone else but I’m terrified of being alone for the rest of my life.
I try not to think further ahead than next week if I’m honest, less overwhelming!!
