My husband died almost four months ago.
Our two kids and I have settled into a new routine and a new kind of normal .
I’m not back to work yet, I manage to fill my days but some days it’s just a cry day , which I tend to give into as usually I feel able to carry on again after a ‘grief day’.
I try to have good times with my kids and friends. I don’t put anything off since my husband died, he believed in living in the moment especially after he was given his terminal diagnosis. I try to find a pocket of joy if I can, every day, even if it’s just because I showered!
Yet, as this new normal settles, I miss M more than ever and feel desperately alone, not lonely but alone. My kids are young and wonderful and bring life to our home, but the aloneness is suffocating. Even if I’m in a busy place with friends I feel it.
I keep getting told ‘I’ll be fine ‘ or so-and-so lost her husband young and ‘she got over it’ by those who mean well but don’t have a clue.
It’s his birthday before Christmas, he would of been 50. There’s also our first Christmas without him and many other anniversaries to contend with. Just a whole set of dates which once were celebratory now have a sense of dread.
My kids and I talk openly about how we’re feeling, especially about his birthday and Christmas, they’re so resilient, far better than I am.
The responsibility I feel for them as an only parent just exacerbates the aloneness. How will I cope to work, raise the kids, school holidays etc. I have amazing friends but no other support at all.
I miss having my partner, my best friend my love of my life. I miss him dreadfully and I am back living in my head full of memories of him, just like when he first started to deteriorate and just after he died.
Is this aloneness here to stay?? I think it maybe . Does it get easier or just different?
I’m functioning but will I actually live again?
I’d welcome your thoughts , experiences lovely community here , please
Yes I feel alone. The cat for company. She is sitting on me at the moment. I live alone since my husband died Nov 1922. Yes you get used to being lonely and you never know when or what turns up to change things. But at times it is too much. My family are suddenly coming telling me late so I am not prepared so am on the back foot. There is a frozen chicken I got out of the freezer.
Means a dash to the shop just before they come.
I will just have to make do.
I am trying to go to different places to try them out. Yes you will live again. One step at a time
I chat on here. I use zoom and enjoy sharing online. I talk to folk who pass. I went to Warner’s locally twice for a one night and two night stay and chatted in the spa. Had to pluck up courage lots times.
Hello and yes I feel lonely too. I live with my adult daughter. I also have two dogs which are the reason I get up and get out, to walk them for as long as I can manage. I miss the life I had . Derek and I did absolutely everything together. Now nothing is the same, this sort of grief changes every aspect of your life. However, I can see that I am coping better now than I did last month or last week. I am not happy, I can not sleep but I am learning to live my new life . Jo
Yes it was a nice interlude when my family came bustling in. Is the dinner ready at 20 to 12 we are starving after being in the swimming pool. Yes almost I said. Good job I had got it ready after the complaints last time when it wasn’t.
So I guess I have improved. Was a stretch I must admit. But I have lowered my housework standards and just cut corners. Everyone had food. Then back to alone. Took me ages clearing up.
Always does. When my husband was alive he did the washing up, cooking and shopping. I am still getting used to doing whole lot
I don’t think I will ever cope with the loneliness
One of my daughters come and see me once a week but the rest of the time I’m just so lonely I do push myself to go out but it’s hard as me and my husband did everything together
It has been 6 months for me. I share your feelings and the feeling of aloneness as a lone parent of our young adult children. I have to do what my husband was doing and what he would have done for our children.
I talk to him in mind when I do something he used to do, hoping that he is saying ‘well done’.
For a few days before our wedding anniversay, I could not control myself and cried a lot. But I went back to the town and church where we had our wedding and went for a long walk with one of our children, talking about our wedding day and what we used to do in the town (we moved when our children were very small). It was a beautiful day with a blue sky. It helped me coping with the day. We are going away for Christmas. I do not know what I will do for his birthday, which is just after Christmas. But we will celebrate it in one way or another.
As some people say, pain will never go away but we can learn to live with it. I assume aloneness is the same. But it is still very hard to accept the fact that he will never physically come home. Yet I know time flies, and the children and I will soon get older.
I find the loneliness and lake of contact with a person very hard
It’s not quite the same typing to people it’s much better to talk to a person even if it’s over the phone
