Hi Carera
Don’t feel daft about crying passing a home you used to share I passed by were George worked and I’m like a crazy woman tears dripping of my chin .
I have worked with most of the staff for 36 years so they know George my self and our children and were at his funeral they have been very supportive.
I don’t want to go back to work but I fell I need to get some pattern in my life I know this heartbreaking journey has a long way to go and that I will never get over losing the love of my life but sadly I have to go back to work .sending a big hug back to you and all on this journey .
Lily
I hope it went as well as it could at work today, and that you had plenty of support support from your colleagues.
Hi Carera
I had a short shift today it was so many mixed felling my work colleagues were great and the girls that were on were on in the next ward came into see me I cried all the way through the shift there were also laughter thanks for asking take care .
Big hugs to you and all on the forum
Lily
Dear June and Janet,
I can identify with so much that you say.
I spent the last 4 weeks of my husband’s life with him in local hospice. It is a wonderful place but now I have to cope on my own, we have no family.
Yesterday I couldn’t get up and cried all day. Today I had to visit my GP and he has assured me that my behaviour is normal; it’s only been 3weeks. I can’t see any purpose in my life now that I’ve lost my soulmate. As you say, it’s all the little things that we shared. I hope we can all find the strength to face tomorrow,
Much love,
Tilly
Hi Tilly
There are no words that we hear that mean much no matter how well intended. A few months further down the lonely track than you I have found belief and an emerging sense of purpose from two things .Firstly, if I fail cancer claims another victim and secondly ,and most importantly, I push on out of respect for my wife and knowing that by doing so I carry on our love.
Hope this helps
Dear Tilly
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s coming up to 8 weeks now, since my Jack passed. I spend most of my time crying, I cried on the phone to the doctors receptionist, I said I’m sorry to burden you with all this. She was so kind she made an appointment for the next morning allowing my daughter time to pick me up and take me to the doctors. As I said I’ve got a cyst in my eye, which apparently has been the result of the excessive crying I’m doing. I cried in the doctors, cried in the chemist when I went for my prescription, everyone keeps handing me tissues! I cry in the shops, it doesn’t matter where I am I cry. Like you say I can’t see any purpose in my life either, I loved him so much. Thinking of you and everyone on this forum, much love
Janet
Dear Janet,
I send all my love and sympathy. My GP told me that crying is the best way to express our grief and it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks but it is exhausting. All I want to do is sleep.
I don’t think life has a purpose at the moment, just an existence.
I’ve found there are only certain people I can be with , ones who knew us well and know how great my loss is. I’m avoiding the others.
I’m living on ready meals and tea and then I lose myself in a book, can’t bear TV.
Keep mailing here, I get much comfort from this site and hope you do. It can’t take away all the small things that make us ache but you’re not alone and there are others who understand your grief and pain,
Hugs, Tilly
Dear Tilly
Thank you for sending me your love, I know that you understand what I’m going through. My daughter took me out today, I managed to get some shopping, like you it’s mostly ready meals. As usual I cried when I was out, I have another appointment to see the doctor at 5.40pm. I’ve been feeling so ill, I had such an upset stomach over the weekend, my daughter said it’s probably all down to stress. I’m still putting drops in my eye for the cyst, at the moment I’m at my daughters, I was so upset she took me back to her house. I’m struggling doing this without my glasses, I took out the glasses case, and left my glasses at home! I’m the same as you with television, I can’t get into to anything on it. I’ll be trying to read a book later. I do get some comfort from this site, it does help to know that I’m not alone, and so many others understand.
Sending my love and hugs
Janet
Hello to you all,
I can understand completely. My husband died in October and things are worse now than before. I haven’t watched telly since he died and I am in tears all the time. I feel completely lost and broken.
I have thought about going to the doctors but I cant really see how they can help.
Did they help you?
I cant see the point either.
It does help to know that there are others who understand. Thank you for being here.
Dear Carera,
So glad you replied. I’ve just had another sob for no apparent reason. My GP helped by just listening and assuring me that I’m not going mad and all this is normal but also that everyone is different and must be given time.
Lost and broken are good words. I still can’t believe what’s happened and expect my husband to ring or walk in at any time. We spent so much time together.
I retreat to bed most days, even eating in bed. I daren’t admit this to friends, as they’d try to invite me for meals and I can’t face that, however well meant.
I will try and go out tomorrow but can’t identify with anything that’s going on around me.
How are we supposed to survive?
Keep talking,
Love from Tilly
Hi Everyone
This is all so hard isn’t it. Just getting through the day is enough. I went to see a therapist today (third visit). Cried my way through it. She asked me how I was feeling and I said lonely. She then proceeded to tell me to ‘get out there and join clubs, go to classes etc.’ When I said I would still feel lonely in a crowd she thought I was being negative. Maybe the right word should have been ‘alone’. Since my husband died in October that is how I have felt. Although I have family around it doesn’t stop what I feel inside. I have lost part of me and I can’t heal that quickly.
Hope we all have a better day tomorrow.
Yvonne
Oh dear Scorpio, people do say the wrong things. It just makes you realise they have not the first idea how you’re feeling. Being lonely in a crowd is probably even worse.
There’s no one who is going to come close to giving us the support we had before , so I suppose we’ll all have to try and function without it but I don’t know how to start.
I do find writing this helps, even if I do keep repeating myself and probably irritating other ‘posters’. I hope not.
Try and get some sleep and perhaps tomorrow the mist might clear a tiny bit for a few minutes,
XX Tilly
Hello Scorpio - I’m really sorry to read of your distress and therapy session. I had a couple of sessions from Cruse and the lady decided to cancel any future ones as I too came across as “negative”. I lost my Husband in 2016. Everything just seems so bleak. Kindest regards and compassionate thoughts to you.
That’s awful Tina19! Surely Cruse are there to support bereaved people however they are feeling - and let’s face it, most of us are not exactly a model of positivity in our situation. I would have expected any counselling by Cruse to help us feel better not worse. Sorry you are feeling so bleak - I sympathise, I really, really do.
I feel the same. The world could turn purple and I wouldnt notice or care.
Im so sorry we are experiencing this nightmare.
We have been together since we were 15, back in 1978. I dont know any other life. I dont want to bother my friends- Its very kind of them to invite me but I cant face it either. I dont want to bother my children either, they have their own lives.
Unless youve lost your other half, you cant imagine the total emptiness.
I hope you do manage to get out tomorrow, and I hope the sun shines too. The birds sang today and it was really good to hear. It surprised me.
Take care Tilly x
How useless is that therapist. She has no idea. I feel so lonely all the time and it doesn’t help when there are people around. I just retreat into a corner.
And Im usually a positive person! well, used to be.
Hi Scorpio
How on gods name can a therapist say that you are being negative we have all lost the loves of our life’s our world have been turned up side down we have all been cheated out of the life’s that were still to come how sad that someone who is supposed to help has no understanding of the pain that grief brings .
Thank god we are all here to give support to anyone who needs is take care .
Lily
Thanks for your kind reply in the midst of your very new loss. I’m sorry that you are experiencing the loss of lovely Husband. I think I must have been one of the unlucky ones as you do hear a mixture of praise and criticism of Cruse services. It’s all so hard isn’t it - Take care AnnC.
Hello, Tina. After waiting several months I am having my first counselling session with Cruse tomorrow and hope that my experience is better than yours. When she came to do my assessment she remarked on what a strong person I am. My God, if she could see me sometimes when I just want my husband back so much that I feel as if I am going mad. I will post on here how I get on and all I can say about your counseller is that she should not be doing the job. In all my 86 years I have never known such terrible longing and loneliness. Warm regards. Eileen xx
Dear Janet,
Just hoping you got on alright at the doctor’s. We can’t expect much but any chance to talk to an empathetic professional might help.
Sleep well,
X Tilly