Hi it is total rubbish. But, may I share some advice given by a friend who was widowed a few years ago about invites. People are trying to help and if you accept the invite it may not be what you enjoy or want to do, but take it because you will be invited again when you are stronger and those who offer will feel better. these people may be part of your escape or at least being able to feel less empt
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Hello Eileen. I noticed on another thread you were due to see a counsellor and I sent best wishes to you for a calming and positive outcome (as much as possible). I hope things go ok and yes, I too know about the feeling āmadā bit. As far as the counselling goes I think I didnt āgelā that well with this person but it sounds like youāve made a good connection with yours. Fingers crossed for you and letās hope if there are any tears they are healing ones. Tina
Dear Tilly
Iām up again after another bad night, Iāve now got a kidney infection! So Iām having to take antibiotics, as I said I had an awful stomach upset over the weekend, Iāll be putting in my eye drops soon for the the cyst in my eye! The doctor said Iām so run down because of all this grief, that itās putting a strain on my body. He still suggested counselling, Iāve filled in the form and now I have to wait to see how long itāll be before I can see someone. Iām sorry to sound like a hypochondriac, I feel so upset today, Iām crying as I write this. Thank you so much for getting in touch. Iāll be thinking of you today, sending you a big hug.
Janet X
Poor you Janet,
I hope you feel better soon and your eye clears up quickly too.
Sending you a big hug
x
Hello Carera
Thank you for getting in touch, Iāve just finished the eye drops. My eye is better, still a bit swollen, itās certainly an improvement, before I looked like Iād been in a boxing ring! I think the antibiotics are helping with the kidney infection, Iām feeling very frightened and lonely today. Jack used to take me to the doctors, chemist etc in the car, as I donāt drive, and he was always here for me, when I wasnāt very well. Itās times like this that you realise how much your life has changed, Iām sitting here all alone. I wish he was here to comfort me, like he always did when he was with me. Iām sorry to sound so depressing, you are in my thoughts, sending you a big hug.
Janet X
Hello Janet,
Sorry to hear youāre having a bad day.
It really sounds as though you could do with some TLC but the only person you want canāt be there. Itās truly awful and I wish I could wave a magic wand but a bit of advice Iām following, is be kind to yourself; is there a little treat you would enjoy? Anything that could lighten your day a bit.
You are not a hypochondriac, you are suffering the worst thing that could happen to you, and , because of it, your prop has left you to cope on your own.
Sorry to keep repeating it back to you but just want you know that we do know a bit what youāre feeling,
Love from Tilly
Im really sorry Janet, I know what you mean about comforting. Thereās no one to hold me and make me feel better. Thank you for the big hug. I really wish he was here to give me a hug now, I dont know how Im going to carry on.
My house is collapsing around my ears and even ebay are messing me about. Ive tried to keep busy sorting my husbands tools, and now I wish I hadnt bothered.
You dont sound depressing, you sound exactly how I feel. My world has collapsed.
Lets all go back 5 years please.
Dear Tilly
Itās good to hear from you, Iām trying to think of something I could do to treat myself, itās very difficult when youāre not in a normal situation, if thatās the right word to use. It does help such a lot to be able to say things to people who understand, itās so hard to accept what weāre all going through. Itās so difficult trying to get used to doing everything for one instead of two, cooking, washing, shopping, my daughter keeps saying itās easier for me, but itās not, Iād give anything to have him back even with all the extra work. I hope Iām not going on too much, I donāt feel so alone being able to keep in contact with you and all the others on this site. It is reassuring to know that you do know how Iām feeling. Iāll be thinking of you and everyone here.
Love Janet X
Hello Carera
I know what you mean about the house, Iāve tried to keep busy sorting out my husbands tools etc, itās like his clothes I canāt get rid of them, I donāt know how Iām going to sort the shed out? Heās had a lot of tools for years, some were his Dads, I know it sounds silly but they
I think I mustāve pressed the wrong key as I was saying the tools were part of him. Iāll have to get my family to sort out the shed. Like you say letās go back 5 years. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug.
Janet
Dear Janet,
There canāt be ātoo muchā, if you need to say it. Keep talking, itās important.
I canāt cook for me and am living on ready meals. Shopping is a nightmare, I keep thinking of all the things he liked and I enjoyed making them for him. The whole situation is still unreal to me.
There is so much sorting out to do and I canāt face it. I have to tell myself thereās no hurry but I just drift from room to room, picking things up, crying and putting them back.
This probably makes you feel worse, Iām sorry, it just has to come out.
There is no one who cares about me as he did. Iām sure we all feel the same.
XX Tilly
Dear Tilly,
We all sound so similar. I drift from room to room, moving this here and there (for no reason) Im definitely loosing the plot!
Shopping has me in tears every time. I try to avoid a weekly shop now, I just walk to the corner shop to get odd things. My old life has disappeared in an instant.
take care x
I have the same problem with the cellar. Its as big as the house and full of tools. Some things I dont even recognise.
Nobody wants to know.
A friend said ādoes it eat or drink anything? Is it costing you money? or taking up space you need? Then leave it for nowā
I think Im going to do that for a while. I sometimes sit down there anyway, just to be close to his stuff.
Dear Tilly
Itās good to hear from you, the cooking is a nightmare, not that I feel much like eating. In fact I was looking into Wiltshire Farm Foods, my neighbour has them, but like you I have a lot of ready meals. Iāve still got food in the freezer that was Jacks, things he enjoyed. I liked to make him a nice home cooked meal, I canāt be bothered just for me. I find that a lot of the food in my cupboards are too much for one person, I keep giving things to my daughter.
I have a back room which is full of Jacks things, tools, electricals, I know Iāll have to sort it all out itās so distressing. The shed is absolutely full up, some of the tools were his Dads, I canāt bear the thought of getting rid of them.
I too find myself wandering around not knowing what to do, I think it helps a bit to keep talking, Iāll be here for you whenever you need to talk, Itās best that it does come out. Iām thinking of you and everyone.
Janet X
Hello, I too have a whole room full of electrical stuff and a mass of computer equipment that I donāt have a clue about. I also have a garage full of everything that was never thrown away and piles of tools, also from father in law. I donāt know where to start.
I had a meeting with the counsellor from the hospice today. Sheās very good , allowed me to cry and assured me that there is no need to do anything I donāt want to, thereās no hurry and everything Iām feeling is to be expected.
I still sobbed my way through this evening, though.
I do hope you are all gaining some help from here. It does help to talk.
Lots of hugs, Tilly
Dear Tilly
I know just what you mean about a room full of electrical stuff and computer equipment, Iām just like you I donāt have a clue what it all is! Same here with me nothing ever got thrown away, like you I donāt know where to start. I was talking earlier on the phone to Jacks sister, sheās been a widow about 7 years and she has still got all her husbands tools, etc.
Iām waiting to hear from a counsellor, the doctor said he thought it would be better for me, than him giving me antidepressants.
I cry everyday, sometimes itās so unbearable. Itās been good to hear from you, and it does help me feel that Iām not on my own. Lots of hugs.
Janet X
You are not alone, we are all here.
Try and sleep now,
X Tilly
Itās very comforting to know that, big hugs from me
Janet X
Hello ladies - hope you donāt mind me joining your conversation but your dilemma about tools, equipment etc really resonates with me as I have a large shed and garage absolutely full up. My husbandās tool shed was his personal man cave - I have even put his ashes in there as I like to think he would be so happy among it all. I donāt even know where to start to sort it all out - not that I feel remotely like it at the moment. I also feel so guilty even thinking about getting rid of things that meant so much to him but at some stage, I will have to. Any ideas from people further down the line who have managed to deal with this problem would be very welcome.
Hi Ann,
This must be a common problem. I also have a garage and shed full of tools etc.
Itās so difficult because, as you say, they were precious and are now reminders , which we donāt want to lose but must deal with.
My only suggestion is to wait. As someone else said ( and I can hear my dear Paul saying) āthereās nowt spoiling!ā Leave be!!
X Tilly
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