Hi Ann,
This must be a common problem. I also have a garage and shed full of tools etc.
It’s so difficult because, as you say, they were precious and are now reminders , which we don’t want to lose but must deal with.
My only suggestion is to wait. As someone else said ( and I can hear my dear Paul saying) ‘there’s nowt spoiling!’ Leave be!!
X Tilly
Hi to everyone
I haven’t been on the forum as much as I have had to go back to work .
I find it so hard that my heart is broken my world is turned upside down and the love of my life has gone but because bills must be paid and as everyone says life must go on .
I do my job and I’m asked how I am and I just say I’m getting there with this false half smile and the hole time I’m screaming inside .
Everyone who knows me all say you are doing so well and how proud George would be of me .
I go home to a empty house after work and cry for my George to be there but sadly that isn’t going to happen .
I find it hard that works and some people think you just take a while of work and then just return to normal as if nothing had happened.
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of my beautiful George I was standing at the bus stop waiting to go home and the felling of loneliness was so overwhelming.
I just want to feel his arms round me telling me that it’s ok I’m just so heartbroken as as I know we all are sitting in tears again .
Thinking of everyone on the forum .
Lily
Dear Lily,
We know how you are hurting. It sounds as though you need someone who will just let you weep when you want to.
There is nothing that we can do to bring back our loved one and that makes us feel so helpless; the one thing you want can’t be had. The hollow emptiness is frightening.
People around you can’t possibly understand what you are going through and that also hurts.
I don’t know any answers but keep writing on here and we can all share our thoughts,
Love and hugs,
Tilly
Hi Lily I know how you feel,I feel the same had to go back to work.people saying how well I am doing but inside I am I’m heart broken losing my Clive,he was a big strong man he made me feel so safe but I feel lost and so lonely.i cry every night.i visit him every day in the church yard. Thinking of everyone on the forum big jug penne
Dear Lily, Tilly, Penne & everyone
So sorry to know you are all so heartbroken as I am, I’m feeling so ill this grief is getting worse. I had to get my daughter to take me to the out of hours doctor at the hospital on Saturday, I’m having stomach and kidney problems. The doctor suggested it was due to the loss of my husband which is making me so ill. I’m up again after another sleepless night, I’m so lonely and frightened here on my own. I cry so much, I don’t feel like doing anything. I miss my Jack, he was always here for me, I can’t stand being here without him. My heart goes out to everyone on this forum, who are suffering like me, I’m sorry to sound so depressing. Thinking of you all hugs from me.
Janet
Hi this is to all on the forum
I lost my husband in September and have had some lovely comments from a few of you on the forum, thank you. He died on holiday and I was with him when the doctors were trying to save his life so cannt get that out of my head. I too miss my person, the one who looked out for me, and me for him. Its devastating isnt it. I have tried to keep some sort of routine going,i.e. shopping, cleaning etc.but then like this morning just wondered what the heck I was doing, and why. I see one of my sons and his wife regularly and they are a blessing, but the other son is often working away and works long hours, he does ring me regularly: I dont hear from his wife but shes got serious illness in her family - she probably cannt cope in case I break down!.
I cannt even think about the future without him, even though there are various nice things happening this year. I go to bed and sometimes sleep but then wake up at 3.30 and the thoughts are going around my head. I dont think anyone can really understand how we are all feeling and the pain we are all going through. I never know from one day to another how I will be and today is a bad day , I dont know why because I had a very pleasant day yesterday. A friend suggested going to the doctors and I did, and was recommend to contact Crus, which I did, but they are not always there when you need them, and when I eventually did get through the lady was very pleasant but told me to find things to look forward to ;also said it was early days and it would get better!!.so didnt really find it very helpful at all. I dont think there is a quick fix and I really feel for everyone going through this nightmare,but there is consolation knowing that there is someone who totally understands. Another day tomorrow.
JC
Hi June
It’s 2 months now since I lost Jack, I’m like you I have the thoughts going around in my head, when he was in hospital and the week before he died being told that he had terminal liver cancer. My daughter tries to help when she can, I was so upset on Saturday, she was very concerned. It’s hard on the family as they have their own lives, I don’t know how much longer I can survive on my own. I’ve no appetite, I’ve hardly eaten today. I’m waiting to see a counsellor, it could be a long wait. I think I’ll have to see the doctor again, I’m feeling so ill mentally and physically. I think you’re right there’s no quick fix, and I’m the same I never know from one day to the next what the day will be like. To know there are so many others like us going through this nightmare, and are able to understand, I’m crying as I write this. I wish this pain would end, my thoughts are with you and everyone on this forum.
Janet
Hi June I know how you feel I lost my Clive 19th November.he was ok one minute and gone the next he also died in front of me I was on my own with him, just like you I can’t get that vision out of my head either.ive gone back to work but I feel like I am in daze nothing seems real.i go to the churchyard every day to see him but all I do is cry.i cry myself to sleep at night.i don’t want to go anywhere.big hugs to everyone on this forum penne
Hi to everyone
Thank you for you kind words and support I just get so tired putting on this false face I just want to scream out I am broken lost heartbroken scared lonely but I can’t because as you know unless this has happened to you know one has a clue what we are all going through .
I was talking to my son on the phone today and just burst into tears I felt so angry with my self because I didn’t want my son to be upset.
I truly feel for all of us on this forum and I pray that we all find in time some kind of peace in our hearts sending big hugs to you all .
Lily
Dear all,
All this is so familiar to me. I feel all this desperation and fear . There doesn’t seem to be any future worth getting up for.
I’ve got into a routine of getting into bed about four pm , even eating a ready meal in bed. I answer the phone sometimes and read but can’t be bothered with TV. I have a cat who is with me and I cry most of the time.
I watched my husband gradually leave me as the brain tumour took his personality, his kindness, all I loved about him. The shell left was pitiful and heartbreaking, I can’t get that image out of my memory.
We have to keep talking things through with anyone who will listen and can cope with the crying
Sending hugs to everyone,
Love, Tilly
Hi Lily I know what you mean I get so angry at the moment.family and friends asking how are you today.i put a brave face on and say I am ok but all I want to do is scream.i know that sounds bad because I know they only care about me but I get so frustrated big hugs penne
Your posts really resonate with me today - I lost my husband in early January this year and seemed to cope in the beginning but now I realise I was in shock. The loneliness and longing to see him again are hitting me so badly now and all I can feel is fear and despair - I can see no future without him. If one more person tells me that time is a healer, I will scream.
Sorry for being so negative, I just need to let it out.
Hugs to all. x
Dear all I know what you mean.i do the same don’t get much sleep at night.cry myself to sleep I wake up go to work.whe i get home it’s a ready meal if i feel like eating.i go to the church yard and cry.cant believe he’s there.it was so quick.we were laughing and joking one minute and my Clive was gone the next.it was a blood clot that travelled to his lungs whiched caused his heart attack,I just seen to get it out if my mind.iam sorry if I am if I feel so negative.big hugs penne
Hi All
It’s bad enough trying to cope with all the emotions but the realisation that I now have to handle everything on my own has hit me. Someone backed into my car and so I have had to deal with the Insurers and the Garage. The sink has been blocked for two days and I have tried everything to clear it but it hasn’t worked. I need to buy some furniture but am finding it so difficult ( we always chose everything together). Tomorrow would have been Geoff’s 69th birthday. I’ll try and keep busy but it’s going to be hard.
Yvonne
Hi to everyone
My husband had a blood clot that also caused his heart attack it happened on the 11th of October he collapsed on the floor and I had to do cpr on him while screaming down a phone to get a ambulance he fought so hard to stay with me until he could not fight any longer and passed away on the 26thof November he would not give in but his body could not cope I lent over George in the hospital and told him for the last time it’s ok pet go to sleep and he said ok and passed away mins later .
And my life that I had was gone .
I can never make my friends or family truly understand how I fell in side i meet my husband in a play park when I was ten he was playing football with his pals and he was my first boyfriend as kids have we married when I was 16 and 30 years later he has gone it seems just like yesterday I saw him in the play park playing football .
How on gods name am I supposed to move on I would not wish this pain on anyone I’m sorry I’m just going on I am sorry just need it out or I’ll burst .
Thinking of you all working tomorrow just a other day big hugs to you all .
Lily
Dear Lily
I’m in tears just reading your message. That awful moment when you realise that your loved one has taken their last breath, is indescribable. The finality is overwhelming. Life will never be the same again from that second and there’s no going back.
I can’t offer any help other than you are not alone and here there are people who do understand, when the rest of the world doesn’t have a clue.
Thinking of you,
X Tilly
Hi Tilly
I didn’t mean to upset you just needed to get it all out.
You just feel you can’t keep saying to people that you are heartbroken .
Sending you a big hug
Lily
Hi Yvonne
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow on your Geoff birthday .
Big hugs
Lily
in reply to all
We are all seeking - a solution ,comfort, action or normality. As we all have written there is no path ,time frame or magic bullet. However what works for me most of the time is to imagine how my wife would have reacted seeing me upset. It would have distressed her and as a Northerner she would have given me a talking to ! Although I have to weep ,feel uncertain and low I have to pick myself up for her because that is what she told me she wanted before she died .By biting the bullet I am honoring her spirit .
Dear AnnC and Penne and all,
Coping with other people is so draining. We really need to express our grief without platitudes. No one else can possibly know how we feel. The loneliness is so terrible and there’s no answer just more emptiness.
The counsellor told me I would have a different life from now on. I don’t want a different life , I want our old life back.
I’m trying to sort paperwork for solicitor but it’s so difficult, going through his belongings, all meant something to us.
I’m exhausted.
Excuse my moaning and I hope you can all find something positive in the near future,
Much love,
Tilly