So sorry Yvonne,
I hope that you managed to remember the good times today. I’m sure Geoff is warching down on you.
It was our 35th wedding anniversary on 29th. I cant believe my husband isnt here. We have been together since 1978.
I have also had to deal with major problems with the house. I cant concentrate normally these days, let alone cope with a hole in the bathroom ceiling.
I cant say anything to make it better, but we are here to look after each other as best we can.
x
Hi Carera
Lots of people have contacted me today - they remembered it was Geoff’s Birthday. I spent the morning trying to unblock the sink. ( Had to remove the u bend), also had to speak to the garage about the car. This afternoon I finally had time to think of Geoff and previous birthdays we spent together. Some were especially memorable, so that was nice.
Thanks for thinking of me.
Yvonne x
Well done for your work on the sink. I’m sure Geoff would have been proud of you.
I think my husband would have been laughing at my attempts to sort out the leaking ceiling!
We will muddle through as best we can.
x
Hi Penne 1965 and all on this forum
I am so sorry to hear of your loss no words can even say how gutted we all feel and I dont know how we go forward, one step at a time.
Yesterday even though it was freezing cold the sun was out, I couldnt face being in all day and all evening alone - everybody was busy working or whatever so I decided to take myself off to a small shopping centre near me, mostly pound shops and charity shops. I somehow got chatting to a lady who had lost her husband 2 years ago, he had a heart attack upstairs whilst she was watching tv downstairs, she thought he was having a bath so didnt find him for a while and he was on the landing - it was too late, he’d had a massive heart attack. She went through trauma afterwards, as he had been a fit man. We talked and talked, and strangely we laughed as well. She still has bad days but as her daughter lives several miles away and her son more like 30 miles and she has had to sort herself out each day. She told me that her friends all have their husbands, so the relationships have changed there a bit and has just had to get on with it, without leaning on her family as they have busy lives.
I have exchanged numbers with her and we are going to meet up for a coffee in a week or two. She said. "You can never get the life back you had with your loved one, its sad and devastating but its not going to happen so you just have to get yourself a new life that will help you go forward and you still need to enjoy things, and need to get yourself back and your sense of humour, and also your husband would not want you to just hide away and give up, she said its not easy and you may always feel alone, but its the only way. Her comment has really made me think - and it would be so nice not to have that gut wrenching feeling and the bereft feeling that is with us all the time. I hope her comments may help someone else.
Thinking about you all
J. xx
Hi June,
Thank you for sharing that. It made me think too.
But I have no idea how to get a new life. I am so frightened of the prospect.
I am still hoping for the impossible. I know its not going to happen but I dont know how to carry on.
I muddle through each day, doing I dont know what, in a numb state. Just hoping.
Hi to everyone on the forum
Just finished work 4 shifts out the house for 13 hours each day when I’m out I can’t wait to get back and close the door so I don’t have to play the game of life smiling and talking when I just want to scream.
When I get home I just sit down as every bit of air has been taken out of my body I’m off now till Monday when I have to go and put my mask back on my face and listen to people telling me how well I’m doing .
I don’t want to be doing well I want my life back I want to laugh talk look forward to life to go to bed and cuddle in to George to smell him next to me to here and feel his breath on my face to kiss him good night to go to sleep with love and peace in my heart .
Thinking of you all
Lily
Dear Lily,
You describe this awfulness so well. The nights are bad and the days are endless. For years I used to listen to my husband snoring and think I should be grateful he was there, I seemed to have some premonition that one day I would miss him terribly.
Now he’s gone forever, I just can’t believe it , it’s not real.
Hope you are all feeling a bit more hopeful today,
Love to all, TillyC
Really sorry Lily,
I know exactly that feeling. I just want a big hug and to be told its all going to be ok, and to be warm and safe in his arms. . I keep thinking it will happen but of course it wont.
I still haven’t even had any dreams about him either, which upsets me.
I’m sorry you have to go back to work, It must be so hard to pretend all day, but well done.
Ive been told by so many people that Im doing well. They have no idea.
I find it hard to be at home, where my husband was so ill. Every time I go into the bathroom, I imagine him lying on the floor, unable to move. I dont know what the answer is.
I dont think there is one and I’m truly sorry for us all on this site.
Hi Carera and Tilly
Thank you for your kindness I now we are all in the same rocky boat and we all want our life’s back the way they were .
I just find it hard to talk to people who have no idea what I am going through.
Some of the people I know say your George was such a strong man who loved life and you have got to be strong to make him proud of you so then I feel as if I’m letting George down I know my beautiful husband George would never hurt me and I know if he can see me now he would be so hurt at the pain I’m in I do try every day to think it will get better but like you Carera I haven’t dreamed of George and if I close my eyes I can’t see him there is so much leading up to the day he died that I don’t remember I don’t remember registering his death or going to the undertaker I can see the room in the hospital the kids and my self in the room all sitting round the bed I see the bed but don’t see George in the bed I know George died I was there mt heart is broken but it is like a film with so many bits that have been cut out I’m sorry I’m just going on and on . Thinking off you you sending big hugs .
Lily
Dear Lily,
Don’t let anyone tell you about your own George, only you know how the two of you loved eachother. We seem to have to put up with other people’s advice and they don’t have a clue what it’s like. He was only 60 , taken from me too soon.
I also don’t dream of my Paul but I do look at the few photos I have; he hated having his photo taken, I’ve asked friends to send me any they have.
I still sleep with his teeshirt and pillow. I would never have believed I could be so alone and miserable.
Sorry I can’t be of any help,
Love to all X TillyC
Hi Tilly
I smiled when you said you sleep with Paul’s tshirt and pillow I sleep with George’s pillow he had a wee fluffy blanket that if he fell asleep on the couch I would put it over him our kids used to say to him my god dad at your age and you’ve got a fluffy blanket and he would just burst out laughing well I rap it in a hot water bottle and put it beside me and cuddle into it I also have the pajamas he had on when he died they are still in the plastic bag I open them so I can smell him I just think how overwhelming sadness this is for all of us the ifs the buts being cheated of time that was still to come I’m sorry I sound so negative I used to be such a happy outgoing person full of life only saw the positive in people and things but now I know that was because George was with me I fell now that I’m old tired heartbroken overwhelmed with life just empty inside everything just looks so black I am truly sorry to be like this as I know we are all going through the overwhelming journey sending big hugs to you and everyone on the forum .
Lily
Hi Lily I know what you mean I have to work 5 days in a row.6am til 4pm.i have to do exactly the same.they tell me how well I am doing they say I’am so brave.theres nothing brave about it.its called coping thats all it is coping from one day to the next.i can’t wait to get home and closed the door just like you.big hugs to everyone penne
Dear Carera - and everyone on this forum. I really do admire you all, those of you who have to go back to work,and put on the smiley face, and those who may be retired and trying to get on with being alone at our time of life when we are not as active and have spent more time in each other’s company in recent years than when we were younger, and especially at this time of the year when its cold and miserable.
I too am told I am doing really well, little do they know. We all put on an act that we are ok because we dont want to put our sorrow on them. I am trying very hard to cope, some days the tears flow and then other days get on with the routine things i.e. cleaning, and wonder why. This week I have a couple of days looking after my granddaughter who is 10 and a bundle of energy and good company, so thats a welcome distraction.
I am so sorry that we are all on this site, but its comforting knowing we are not alone in our thoughts and we are doing the same sort of things to make us feel better to try to cope.
J
Hi tilly I have had a heart shape necklace made with my clives and my picture on it which I wear all the time.i hold it close to my heart.big hugs to everyone x
Dear Penne1965,
I carry my Paul’s fob watch in my pocket all the time, it has a leather strap which he made. I hope you get comfort from your necklace , it sounds a lovely reminder.
I managed to meet a friend in town today , for lunch, it’s the first time. She is very good, no platitudes, just listens. I felt the weight lift briefly, for the first time in 5 weeks but have cried most of the evening.
Keep writing and sharing,
Love from TillyC
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all muddling through as best as possible.
I am worried that my husband is slipping away, I can only picture him if I see a photo, my memories are disappearing and I dont like it.
Is it just me?
I miss him so much and now this. What’s happening?
I hope I can reassure you, Carera. My husband died last June after 66 years of marriage. I have never dreamed about him and I cannot recall what he looked like and have to look at photos to remind me. I have been told by a Counseller that this does happen to some grieving people. It’s really horrible as I feel he has been swept away from me altogether. I also miss him so much that it is tearing me apart. I hope that this may help you not to worry too much. Maybe it will come back to us in time. Warm regards. Eileen
Hi carera and everyone.you will never forget him,some days I feel the same,but places you go and the pictures you have will be with you always.when I am at work I feel guilty sometimes that a bit of the time I am not thinking of my Clive.then when I stop that’s when Clive is back with me,I know he’s not with me but he will always be in my heart,and the pictures is all the happy times we were together, and he will always be a part of me hugs to everyone penne
Hi Can I give you some hope. 9 months down the line and having had to sort clothes and personal effects I have a memory box of bits and pieces. When I first did it I opened it a lot. Gradually I have come to find my wife within my sole and spirit. Yes I can visualise her but as she was,not as today. That doesn’t cause me anxiety because she is within me and my spirit. Hope this makes sense?
Hi everyone
Sorry not been on for a few days between work and then my phone line and internet went just got fixed today .
I find as time is going on I cry so much more and I didn’t think that was possible.
I went to work today after crying my self to sleep last night and could hardly see out my eyes this morning they were so swollen and puffy as I got into work I New everyone was looking at me then one of the girls said I’m sorry and I just burst again I was even crying on the bus on the way home then got in the door and just sat with my coat on and bag round me and I was crying so much that the chair was vibrating please for god sake please tell me this will ease with time I know we are all going through really horrendous times and I really do think of you all sending big hugs to all on the forum
Lily