Coping with bereavement

My husband passed away 4 weeks ago aged 66 from lung cancer. He was diagnosed in July and passed away in Sept. I am struggling to cope. I cry every evening and dread the mornings knowing he is not going to be here.

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Hi jules59
sorry for your loss my wife passed away in july its never easy, if you want to chat or just off load someone is always on here who will listen,we are all on this forum for the same reason,
steve

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I am sorry for your loss too. I was married for 40yrs. I cry every morning and night. The days are just a blur trying to get through.
Friends tell me I will learn to live my life again but they don’t know what it is like to lose someone you’ve loved for 44yrs.

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jules 59
The best people to talk to are the ones who are going through it ,as myself,keep your family and friends around you,as i have found out many times friends mean well but unless they have been through the grieving they can say the wrong thing,You are Not Alone
steve

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Hi Steve

How do you get through the days & nights. I just want to curl up in a ball and be with my husband. I’m dreading going back to work .

Julie

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Hello Jules59,
I haven’t been in the habit of replying to posts but yours struck a chord and I am so sorry that you are, like the rest of us, grieving for the most important person in your life, who is no longer here. My wonderful husband, who I met in 1963, died in 2020 after 54 years of wonderful marriage. It doesn’t matter how many (or how few) years you have been together, if you are in a happy relationship, the death of a spouse is heartbreaking.
When it happened to me, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had the support of two wonderful daughters and their families and obviously that helped, but it was sheer hell.
I didn’t think I would get through it. Like you, I spent a great deal of time sobbing my heart out.
What I want to say is, the pain never goes away but it does get easier to cope with as time plods on. It takes very little to reduce me to tears since he died - even after 24 months, that is still the case. There are bad days and better days but eventually something kicks in and you carry on. You even smile and laugh.
So, don’t give up. I am sure your husband would want you to be happy, so try to enjoy the life he can’t share.
Sorry, this isn’t much help but I wanted you to know that I feel for you.
Hugs

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hi jules59
I fight with the grief every day, one day and night blends into the next, I am determined not to let it beat me, but it will be a long fight
steve

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I can echo everything Ann R says, it is nearly two years of grief for me and I could have written exactly the same as you. At first I believed the myth that time heals everything and I’ve found different, time does help but that is all.

hi carol9
lost my wife 14 weeks ago,you are right time will not heal we just have to learn to live and deal with it
steve

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My wife died at the start of September 2022, the funeral was two weeks ago. I think I was caught up with arranging everything and after the funeral then there is an even bigger hole. She had cancer (diagnosed in 2020) so I was looking after her, especially in the last few months before she went into the local hospice. She was 50 like me and we had been together for 28 years and married for 25. Our daughter is the reason for me to get up and wade through another day,

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It is so hard to get through the day. It’s like a daze.
Thankfully you have your daughter to get you through this awful time in our lives.

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You summed it up very well.

I embrace my “moments” - as still having a connection to hubby.
I’ve accepted he isn’t coming back but if he is in my head & heart he’s never far away.
G. X

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Hi Grandma

How long did it take you to accept your husband had gone ? as I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.
My husband passed away 1mth ago. We had just moved into our forever home. He was about to retire and work when he wanted to.

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You are only a month into this Jules59 and it’s very early days. Please give yourself time to grieve. I have found that these forums are very helpful and full of people who are very unfortunately in the same place but everyone offers everyone else such wonderful support.

What I would say is I have a friend who lost both his wife and daughter 15 and 10 years ago respectively to cancer and he said that it will take a long time but it will get a bit easier, also, he said what kept him going was knowing that when they were together, they always wanted each other to be happy (which is what we all want for our other halves and families isn’t it) and as time went on, he knew that is what his wife would want for him and to try to live his life. After all, if the position was reversed, that is what he would want for her.

But, it’s not much comfort at the moment I know as I’m the same as I just want my wife and old life back.

Sending love to you all.

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Over time you accept & adjust to your new way of life.
When you’ve been a couple for so long, it can’t be a quick fix - - learning to be me instead of us is tough going.

Take care
G. X

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I hate waking up in the morning as all I do is cry and wish I wasn’t here.
I hate my life without my husband.:sob::sob:

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Hi Jules
How my heart goes out to you and other newly bereaved people. How you expect your heartbreak to be over or at least bearable in a few weeks or months. We never expected such raw emotions to attack us but the grief monster has no mercy.
Some of us on this forum are years along and still feel our loss deeply but I don’t want to depress you and in time we do learn to live our lives as it is now and we do learn to smile again. Slowly things start to slot into place and you will find your way and do what you can manage.
I also keep my husband in my heart and head and like Grandma I have that connection, he is always with me and if I have a bad day I accept it as part of my love for him. So you ask how long does it take to accept they are gone. No one can answer that for you but my husband may be gone in body but he is with me in spirit.
Mornings are always s**t but its how you cope with the rest of the day that is important.

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A positive thought in the morning can change the rest of your day -
A very wise saying.

G. X

I lost my husband 10 months ago. We had been married 52 years, he was my first love from the age of 16. I knew then that we were going to be together forever, silly I know but that’s what young love is. He passed away suddenly, which was a great shock. Some days I feel as though it hasn’t happened and I’m waiting for him to come home. Then reality kicks in, he’s gone. The plans we made together are now ones I have to carry on alone. Sometimes I suddenly cry wishing he was still here, but I know that can’t happen. Then good days I can think about the places we have been together and actually smile. The pain will never go away but I will learn to live with it. I bought his ashes home which is a great comfort as one day we will be united again. I had thumb prints done for cufflinks for my three sons and ashes in a locket for my daughter so he is with them always. I have a ring with his ashes in which I wear whenever I go anywhere as he is then always with me.
On his birthday and our wedding anniversary I lit a candle for him, and played his favourite cd. I must admit I cried all time I was listening to it.
I shall do the same Christmas Day. I have asked the children to give me that day on my own but welcome them all on boxing Day. He died the 12 December which is going to make every Christmas difficult. I know he wouldn’t want me to retreat from a normal life, he would want me to carry on and be happy. I will in time. People on here understand what we are all going through as they have and are still going through it, we will see the sun shine again it may take a while but it will come

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I’m having a really bad day today. Cried the majority of the day. Now brought a bottle of wine to get through the night.