coping with day to day

Dear Sadie, I fully understand what you’re saying and I do agree to some extent. However, given time I feel that we can know joy again but perhaps we can never know pure joy without our loved ones. Maybe acceptance is the key.

Losing my husband has definitely changed the way I think sometimes. I have become very intolerant of things and people and perhaps I always was to some extent but now I am worse. Like you say, there is no real excitement now but there is a looking forward. For instance, I used to get excited about holidays, not anymore but I do look forward to them. I used to get excited about going out for an evening meal but now I just look forward to it - and so on… Excitement has been replaced with “looking forward.” I never feel lonely but yes I do feel alone. So whilst I say I’m the same person, which I am, I do feel different. I guess that’s because now I am half of a whole one, just one of a pair. I’m probably speaking in riddles Sadie, but I know you and everyone else on here will get what I’m trying to say.

As I’m typing this, I’m looking at a photograph of my husband. He looks so familiar, I could almost reach out and touch him. Every little line on his face, every mole, his chipped front tooth, he is so real. How I miss him. Sweet love…
Xx

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Dear Sadie

I am not the same person I was - how could I really be as part of me is missing and always will be. There is a little bit inside that always feels like I am trying to catch my breath that is the empty space.

I think what I am trying to say is that I know my life is different but underneath it the same things make me laugh, I act the same and try to make a joke if I can, I think the same (except I think I am much more aware of what may be going on in other people’s lives), I think I am still generous and I love my children to bits. I am still concerned and care for my friends and my principles have not changed. Yes life is much harder and the joy is not there but I am determined not to live the next twenty or so years miserable. Yes we loved life and we loved each other and if as I believe he is still with me it would upset him dreadfully to think he caused me to be so unhappy. I would have done anything for him and I know he loved me so so much. A lot of my sadness is for him - the things he is missing. Yes I cry - I cry buckets. I cannot listen to music yet - I cannot watch him on videos playing the guitar - I leave his music room as it is - I cry on the way to and on the way home from work, I cannot yet visit our home in Devon that he loved so much. No life is not so joyous, and I do not look to the future . But I will not let him down. Life as I have discovered is way too short and cruel. So I take it one step at a time and try and do something different and if that makes me or others smile then it is a bonus. A little madness is good for us.
I have had the most hideous cold for the last few days and have felt really poorly - I would have thought I would have felt even more upset - but instead I have felt him close as if he is still fussing over me. Is it in my mind - who knows but I feel sure he is by my side.

Wishing all a peaceful Sunday,

xx

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Dear Trisha, I can relate to your post. You describe everything so well. Like you, I am sad for my husband. I am sad that he didn’t get to enjoy his retirement, a retirement he had so been looking forward to. I am sad that he didn’t get to fulfill his plans and complete his projects. One of these projects being the restoration of our classic Mini. It’s been just sat there since looking very forlorn and in the past two years it had deteriorated further so I’ve had to let it go. Very sad but hopefully it will get the TLC my husband was going to give it. That car had been my daily drive for years so quite emotional. I am sad that we won’t grow old together. Damn it!
I’ve written before saying that for a long time after he had passed I thought wherever he was that he was sad. I just couldn’t shake it off, it was excruciating. I don’t feel that anymore, I only feel him full of love. The sadness inside of me will always be there and I accept that.

I like how you say about making yourself or others smile being a bonus. What a wonderful way to look at life. A little madness is definitely good for us. Thank you Trisha.

I hope you’re feeling better after your cold.

Sending love xx

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Dear Kate and Trisha - I think we are all saying the same thing just using a different way to express ourselves
Sadie xxx

Hello everyone, reading all this thread I feel exactly the same as you all have said so well, the pain of losing my wonderful husband, the sadness of what he is missing, the plans we made for our retirement that he didn’t reach , so very sad the tears seem less frequent but the emptiness i feel is so unbearable
. I try to remember how fortunate I am to have my boys and family however I really need my other half !
After 40 years together I feel like half the person I was !
I know you all understand as unfortunately we’re all on this terrible journey one we didn’t want !
love to all
Ang

Ha, Sadie, you are absolutely right. Hope your day was good. Sweet dreams xx

Hi Ang.
Your situation is exactly the same as mine.Also 40yrs married last year.Also have 2 wonderful sons.But that emptiness is there. I’m taking each day as it comes.I know it’s all about me now but it’s so hard sometimes.We shared so much together.Its like losing part of your soul.Take care and keep strong.Jeanette.x

Thank you for your reply.
Life seems so cruel at the moment we’ve been robbed of our future. i’m really going to try to be positive this week, as my husband would want me to be ,he was always so happy , we all was ! Makes me realise how we took our happiness for granted. I love him and miss him so much x

Nice to hear back from you Ang. Today my friend has sorted a mass tobe said for my husband David at 12.30.3 of us are attending as most people are working.But it’s a chance for me to pray for him and light some candles.I do not attend church very often now.But we both had faith and that helps me.I like to believe his happy and out of pain now and at peace.I very much miss the physical being tho.Thinking of you and hope you get through the week ok.Jeanette.x

Thank you Jeanette for your kind reply. I hope today’s mass gave you and your boys some comfort
Take care Ang xx

The mass was lovely and when David’s name was mentioned a little tear came into my eyes.I lit some candles for him from the family.I have a little saying for you.Because someone we love is in heaven.We have some heaven in our home.My friend gave me a plaque with this on.So beautiful. x

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oh thank you that’s a lovely saying I will remember it, for comfort.
Glad you enjoyed mass, the tears are never far away are they ?
sending you a big hug xx

Thought I better introduce myself properly. My name is Jeanette I’m 65 have 2 amazing sons and 3 grandchildren age 14,11 and 14months.My husband was 67 when he passed last April of heart failure. He was the love of my life.We were married 40yrs last year together for 47yrs. Didn’t expect him to leave me so soon.He had just retired and I’m going to retire next year.We had plans.But now my plans are just me.We were both very much home birds.Loving our home and welcoming family and friends.He was a chef so the food was always excellent. Take care.x

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Nice to meet you Jeanette
I’m 60 and have 2 wonderful sons and a 3 year old Grandson who brightens up our lives at this most terrible time. My husband was only 61 when he died so suddenly in January. Through all the sadness I’m starting to remember all our happy years together (it would have been our 40th wedding anniversary in July) and trying not to dwell on the last 8 months ! He was such a kind, happy , thoughtful loving husband who would do anything for his family! He was a torment too always making us laugh ! Our sons are very much like their Dad which gives me joy! I feel fortunate to have found this site and caring people like you Jeanette, thank you. It helps so much when the waves of utter sadness descend any time or place , during this journey of grief.
Take care x

It’s nice Ang we have so much in common.
Yes my boy’s are like thier Dad too.My husband was Spanish .And we met over here .I was almost 18 he was just approching 21.He was very hard working and loved his family.We took his ashes back to Spain in July.We all went my 2 sons ,daughter in law and grandchildren. It was a planned holiday.Thank you for sharing thoughts.Xx

It’s nice Ang we have so much in common.
Yes my boy’s are like thier Dad too.My husband was Spanish .And we met over here .I was almost 18 he was just approching 21.He was very hard working and loved his family.We took his ashes back to Spain in July.We all went my 2 sons ,daughter in law and grandchildren. It was a planned holiday.Thank you for sharing thoughts.Xx

Oh and I work as a learning support assistant in a primary school.And live in Enfield.x

So nice to share what we have in common. Where have all the years gone ? We both were so young and fortunate to meet the love of our life’s and spend over 40 years together. How lovely to take his ashes to Spain with your family, treasure the memories and please keep sharing your thoughts
take care Ang xx

Sorry missed your last message
You must be busy working with children at school and spending time with your 3 grandchildren! I also work 3 days a week in a office and take care off my grandson on a Friday he’s a pleasure to have however i enjoy his naps too ! Anfield is not too far from me I’m from Sheffield
be good to keep in touch
hope you have a restful night
Ang x

Oh Enfield !!
i miss read ! a little further away !
my husband would laugh he always said i was no good at directions ha ha