Counselling

General chat
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Has anyone tried telephone bereavement counselling ?
If so did it help ?

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I had it once but I didn’t like it because at the end of the phone call I had forgotten most of what they had said. I much prefer face to face counseling and seeing a face as it can be very emotional with lots of crying in my case. It didn’t feel very personal on the phone for me. I guess it depends on every one personal situation. Also the person I spoke to had quite a strong accent which I struggle with as I was very emotional. Xx

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I’m very nervous about the whole counselling thing and am a bit scared of going face to face with soneone. I’m naturally a shy person and don’t really know what to expect . My work provides telephone counselling so thought i would ease myself in gently.
No counsellors were available today so have to wait for a call back. Even on the initial making enquiries call i was ready to hang up.
Part of me thinks that i should be able to cope with this on my own and part of me knows i need help

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@Lost19 I can understand why you are nervous but hopefully the counselor will work through with you to make sure you are comfortable with them. Counseling was a god send for me which helped me a lot. I have just started having trauma therapy as been diagnosed with PTSD after my husband suddenly passed away unexpectedly. He was 53 years old. Guilt is my biggest thing so trying to work through this. I would give it a go and if you don’t like it or ready for counseling you can always try again at a later date. Hope it goes well whatever you decide to do Xx

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Hi , I had telephone calls after I lost my twin sister ,as we was in Covid there wasn’t any face to face , at first I was nervous but once I got talking about my sister I was fine , there was times where I couldn’t talk for the tears but I got through it , I had 6 sessions ,then was offered 6 more , this was through work , you will find this very helpful to talk to someone you don’t know and tell them how you feeling . I then had face to face which you can show your emotions more , I understand what you saying but don’t keep anything to yourself keep talking we have all been through the same thing on here , losing someone we love . Maria

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Every time i tried to contact the mainstream councillors all i got was all agents are busy recorded messages my doctor suggested that a private councillor may be a short route. I then decided to go it alone i did talk to a lovely lady at age uk who was a tremendous help,
It seems that we are forgotten grief is real it is traumatic and people should understand how we feel and cope after the loss of a love :heart: one.
One day those people will also face these problems maybe then they will realise how distressing life can be

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Hi Lost19,

I haven’t had councelling via telephone but I did have face to face grief councelling after my Dad died.

I contacted a counsellor when my Dad was diagnosed as there was anticipatory grief and I knew I would need any help I could get. Not longer after Dad died I started councelling and was told if I was reaching out for help there was a need.

I am a very private person but desperately wanted to talk about my Dad and to get my thoughts out and it made me feel like I was trying to help myself as much as I could.

The counsellor often just listens and responds to what you say and I feel like these appointments would have been as effective via telephone as it was face to face.

If you don’t feel comfortable you can opt out. I was able to open up about things that I didn’t want to discuss with family.

No one knows what to expect at first and it’s normal to feel apprehensive.

Xx

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hi im having telaphone councilling not for the first time in my life and i prefer it to face to face but every one is different .Hope it works well whatever you decide xxx

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Hi that’s true , but just take each day as it comes , have you tried cruse

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Ive called every grief service ether i get recorded message’s that they are busy or cruse when i did get thru was told that i did not qualify as my wifes passing was less than 6 months.
They weren’t even compassionate in their response.
Thats was my experience i did talk privately to a age uk councillor who is there if i need help, i hope that others perhaps have better luck

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Hi Lost19, i was brought up being told we don’t ask for help. That shit happens & we have to get on with it. So for me when i first needed help & i knew i couldn’t carry on without getting some it was extremely difficult. I was going against what i had been taught & all i could hear for quite some time was the voice saying that i shouldn’t be doing this & i shouldn’t be there. I also felt a failer for having to be there, cos i’d been taught we just get on with it. I did overcome all that & i’ve done both face to face & telephone counselling. For me, face to face worked best, i found more connected with the counsellor & you can read the body language & they can read yours. By phone i feel so much can be unseen & hidden, it isn’t personal enough for me. That said, i would never tell anyone to dismiss the idea. For some, by phone works for them. All i would say, if you feel you can, give it a try. You never know it may just be what you need & then also could give you the confidence to do face to face if you feel that’s what you need. I wish you luck & take care.

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I tried cruse but could never get through always busy. Got fed up with listening to sad.music so gave up. I was offered face to face after my husband died 5 months ago but refused as had it 40yrs ago when my father died as i was having panic attacks. Didn’t help at all but maybe it’s me. I don’t want to discuss how i feel with a stranger.

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Hi @Jay15 i also went thru trying to get help cruse was a total waste of time i just couldn’t get anywhere no answer only awful music tried many of the mainstream
councillor services one told me i could get help but not until after 6 months i just gave up.
I did have some support from age uk but quite limited i eventually recieved help from my superb doctor we just sat for over an hour talking he really was very supportive that i get regular calls
I understand how you feel like many other people on this forum will agree it as though we are the forgotten ones just left to muddle on as a if life is normal, Its Not its cruel its a nightmare it is painful to lose some when will people especially these so called supportive charities realise we are hear hurtind needing comfort and support.
Sending you big :heart: hug hope it helps mike xx

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I had video counselling through Sue Ryder and found it very helpful. I waited a couple of months to start it.

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Hi Mike would have replied to say thanks for the message but only just retrieved my emails. Yes it is a nightmare. I’ve given up on cruse and my doctor has no patience at all. Just muddling through now trying to take one day at a time. I think unless anyone goes through these feelings they can’t possibly understand what it’s like. Take care.

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Have a birthday anniversary next week, which i’m not really looking forward too :cry:.

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I’m sure it will be hard. Maybe you can meet some friends or family. It was my birthday 3 weeks after i lost my husband and i totally ignored it but everyone has a different way of coping. Can’t even remember it. Take care .

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I’m really glad you found our counselling service helpful, @Flossy3 and @Ava2.

@Lost19, we offer free online bereavement counselling which is held via video chat. We do have a bit of a waiting list at the moment, but if you’d like to know more do visit the link.

I really hope you find the support you need :blue_heart:

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Hi Jay15, i have no family & others are either too busy & or working. I’ll get through it, just really not looking forward too it. Brings so much heartache :pensive:.

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I know what you mean about people being too busy. I meet people walking the dog that knew my husband as he used to do it. Some ask how i am and then say oh must go. So now i just say I’m ok and walk on. Another person told me i looked awful and lost so much weight. I just hope they never go through this. Anyway just look after yourself I’m sure we will get through this one day. Take care.

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