My son recently got married. Everyone attended with someone and it hit home how alone I was. Everyone chatted but each had their personal with them. Felt low tearful fir 3 days after the event.
Yesterday I had preop assessment for cataract op . A friend took me but again 99% were there as a couple supporting each other. I’m grateful my friend took me and stayed until finished and took me home but she chattered on where as my husband would have sat quietly with me knowing I was anxious.
I’ve been invited to a 60 th birthday party July disco buffet. All going in pairs. Son and wife going but I don’t want to play gooseberry . I don’t know if to say I’m not going. These types of events seem to make me feel so low for days after.
How do you manage these social events? I’m trying to enjoy life but it’s hard sometimes.
I feel like that too, almost everyone I know is part of a couple. I hate being solo. My partner and I weren’t great socialisers but I really miss our weekly lunches. I’ve been out with friends but it’s just not the same. I just think about him constantly. I avoid places we used to go together. Too many memories. He’s been gone seven months now.
Similarly we were married 41 years and ges been gone over 3 years but the wedding has triggered me again and I feel back to square one- couples everywhere. I do have single friends but no widows that I go out with. They don’t understand the loneliness. I’m lonely in company..
I know the feeling just retired lots to do but lack motivation. Tried few groups knitting and yoga but they chat about going out with partners plans for weekend. Wanted start a widow and widowers meet but no one interested. I’m 65 and want to enjoy life as best I can. Feel free to message .
I would like to join a widows ,widowers group. As its been said you never understand what its like until you actually live it. No groups near me. A friend of a friend started one and it really took off but too far away.
It’s so difficult, obviously people get on with their own lives. I’ve only one friend who’s single. Other friends and family are constantly talking about their holidays and social events with their partners. I know it’s not deliberate but it makes me feel so lonely and sad. They just haven’t a clue how it affects me. My partner probably would have wanted me to stay in the house but it’s just not a home without him.
Norma - I also lost my darling partner seven months ago. I thought I was coping but, today, I’m in a bad place. I think about him all of the time. I fell asleep and then woke up with palpitations and anxiety, missing him so much.
Hi Bonnie 3 - it’s over 3 years now since I lost my husband and I still have bad days- nothing like it used to be and I just go with the flow. Take a day off do nothing and hope the next day is better and it usually is.
I always feel worse in the mornings, that horrible anxiety wakens me up. My partner is in my thoughts constantly. I just can’t switch off. I feel it’s worse now since I hit the 6/7 months stage. I think it’s just the reality of being without him really sinking in. Some days I just scream, just as well I’m in the house myself. Take care.
Yes, I find being alone when so many are still together, especially hard. Just going out to see people is mean to help but it doesn’t really make a difference..they don’t need me or really look out for me or long to be with me. Often I just don’t know how to process the feelings I have qnd long for that comfortable togetherness with someone again, realizing nobody can replicate what I had with another.
My kids are all grown up and on their own mission.. I am trying to rebuild some sort of of life - the empty feeling if never sharonf anything is always there. I still ache and the silences are deafening.
I’ve had an awful morning, that first thought when you wake up ‘he’s not here and never will be again’. I begged him for help this morning, to help me deal with this awful pain, longing and yearning for him.
It’s 7 months for me too, I’m getting counselling as well, but I feel nothing is helping at all. If anything I feel worse these days.
I’m so very sorry for the pain you’re going through.
When I read your post, it resonated with me 100%.
It’s nearly 11 months for me since I lost my beautiful, loving, kind, gentle and caring husband to bile duct cancer in the space of 8 months.
He was just 58 years old and suffered horrifically in those 8 months.
I completely recognise the feeling you describe of pure pain, longing and yearning for your soulmate, especially when you wake up, and that awful realisation hits.
For me, the pain is also accompanied by panic and fear, alongside the loneliness and isolation which is always there.
As the 1 year anniversary is fast approaching in June… I am finding myself going backwards.
This has been exacerbated by our beautiful, and much loved little cat suddenly becoming ill over the last few weeks and being in a critical situation in an animal hospital.
Despite all the countless tests, the vets still don’t know what’s wrong, he’s on an IV drip for antibiotics and has had a feeding tube inserted, constant blood tests etc.
He’s lost so much weight and has been at the animal hospital for a week now.
I don’t think there’s much hope of recovery for him, and his quality of life is not there, but he recognises me and my voice and knows how much I love him.
Rightly, or wrongly, I wanted to give him a chance of life.
I know that in the next day or two, after the weekend, I will have to carry the awful guilt and the burden of having to make the decision of having him put to sleep.
Something I honestly and truly cannot bear, and the thought of it, is making me sick to my stomach.
It honestly feels like I’m back to Day 1 of losing my Michael and I’m getting awful flashbacks of his last day in this world.
Our little cat was the special link/bond I had to my Michael, who absolutely loved and adored him.
And now, he’s on the verge of leaving my life too.
The silence in the house is deafening, and sadly there’s no one for me to lean on.
I have to rely on my resources, which are completely depleted.
I’ve stopped eating again, and the feeling of nausea is permanently with me.
I’m constantly worried, panicked and anxious.
I honestly don’t know what to do for the best and I’m in turmoil, wanting and needing my Michael to be here with me.
This loneliness is killing me.
We were the same age, and I’ve just turned 59, and have now surpassed Michael’s age.
We relied completely on each otherband were blissfully happy, never needing anyone else.
The few neighbours/work colleagues that I’ve reached out to, dont want to know, so there’s also the element of rejection to deal with as well.
I’ve been thrown into a living nightmare and my life is a mess… I was living a fairytale life with the man of my dreams, both of us looking forward to the future, retirement, and growing old together, when our world and our lives were destroyed.
I’m sorry that I’m of no help, but please know that you are not alone in your pain.
I spent most of the night awake, agonising, and in a state of fear and panic.
I’m sitting in the kitchen, not able to even make myself a coffee, asking myself how I’m supposed to carry this intense pain and loneliness around with me for the rest of my life.
Eve xx
Oh Eve, I wish I was there to make you that coffee right now. Thank you for your reply and I’m so sad to read that your little cat is sick. I dread anything happening to my cat too, she is the link to my Ray, he missed her so much when he was in hospital. I wished I could have taken her in to see him, but she probably would have pulled the place apart, as she was only 9 months old then and quite bonkers!
Ray had just turned 60, 12 days before he died from pancreatic cancer, which took him away from me in 6 weeks. I’m 55 and I hate this life. We were so happy and had so many plans, as you say, all just destroyed now. My family don’t bother asking how I am, I haven’t heard from them in months, except for one wonderful sister who lives in France.
Friends are few and far between as we were very private and only lived for each other and our cat, our little family.
I feel your pain too. This is an awful situation to be in, we didn’t ask for any of it.
I hope your darling cat improves, I’ll be thinking of you both. At times like this, all we want is our dear husbands here to comfort us. They’d know what to say.
Take good care Eve and please let us know how your cat is. Sending hugs to you
Just trying to find the right words, I am so sorry about your little cat. We grow to depend on them as much as they depend on us. I know at this time you will need Michelle with you and miss him even more. You will I’m sorry to say have to make the right decision for your cat.
I’m sorry you have gone backwards, you need to eat, I know sometimes it’s so hard, no matter how much time has passed. Do they do emergency counselling around you. If you are above a certain age you could try calling silverline,08004708090. It’s not counselling, just someone to talk to 24 hours. I have never used it,but it might help you. The one year mark,as you can probably guess I was on my own. I watched a holiday video and tried to remember good times.
I’m on a waiting list for ptsd treatment. All I can say is I’m trying to find the new me,but like you missing the old me. Some days I don’t cry, others I cry a lot.
Please look after yourself, and try and eat something,
Hello Eve, I feel your pain, my husband passed 7 weeks ago, and im completely miserable, nothing can make me happy, my husband and I were also the same age, both 57, now im gonna get older without him, same month too. I was invited to a birthday party today , first I don’t feel like going out, second my car isn’t functioning very well, if my husband was here we’d happily go together and we’d go in his truck. I don’t dare use his truck. Only he knew how to start it. I just miss him so very much and the life we had, God bless you all
I just miss him so very much and the life we had, God bless you all