I lost my partner of 30 years about 5 weeks ago and I am devastated can’t stop crying, it happened so suddenly on a Sunday morning. I gave her cpr with help from ambulance man on phone till the medics got here but didn’t succeed and I lost my best friend and soul mate and I devastated don’t know how to cope I got no close family I welling up while typing this
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I am so sorry for your loss , and understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband suddenly 7 months ago heart attack. The paramedics worked on my husband but sadly they was nothing they could do to save him . I had flashbacks for quite a while a afterwords. They did stop eventually. You will be in shock right now. Take one day at a time,eat ,drink sleep when you can even though you won’t feel like it . It’s important you look after your self. Make a list of things you need to do and focus on one thing a day . Reach out to your gp , and anyone else who can help you . This group is very supportive, there’s always someone on here to give you advice and support. So keep posting. 
It’s the flashbacks of giving CPR the ambulance crew trying to save her and the couple of hours after before they come and took her, it’s logged permanently in my mind can’t shift it so thank you for your kind words.
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I know it really hard to get it out of your head . My gp told me there is a chemical realised in our brain that trying to protect us and process what has happened. So the shock and numbness you are feeling is normal given what you have experienced. Look after yourself
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I’m so sorry, that must have been so traumatic for you. At five weeks you are probably still in shock. I’m seven months in now, having found my partner lying behind the kitchen door. I couldn’t do CPR as he was already dead. I still get flashbacks at times but less than before. If you have any support at all lean on it even if it’s just neighbours. Crying is normal, even when I’m with other people I often have tears in my eyes because something has triggered the memories. Try to look after yourself, I wish I could say it gets easier soon but it is a long and winding road you’re on now. Some people find counceling or a bereavement group helpful.
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Thanks again but it’s so hard it’s like a bad dream and I never going wake up, I got to see my doctor agin in a couple of days. My future has collapsed my dreams with my partner on what we were going to do in the coming years yes it’s hard not knowing what the future will bring and god to I miss her so bad.
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It’s so hard , my husband was planning his retirement. We had been married for 36 years. It is hard getting used to being on your own when you have been together for a long time . I try not to think too far head as it’s scary. I just take it day by day and keep busy . Look after your self .
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At the moment I can’t do anything apart from essentials and keep retreating to bed it’s a safe heaven for me can’t face anybody. I manage a ten minute walk like 8 am so I can avoid people, making phone calls official ones concerning the passing of my partner is so hard, we not have many friends because we withdrew from the social environment about 10 years ago we was happy with our own company I dread what tomorrow brings this first time I have ever posted anything online I have no social media accounts I am very private bit old school you could say so thank you again for your kind words
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This is also the first time I have ever posted anything online as well . Although I do WhatsApp to keep in touch with family and my friend. I have found this website to be a life line . People are so supportive here , and understand as we are on this terrible journey together. Look after yourself
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So sorry for your loss Gary! I addition to the horrible grief of losing your souldmate you are also probably experiencing a lot of trauma and must be in shock . There are many of us who also lost our spouses/partners unexpectedly, and the suddeness of death also makes it so much harder to bear. All I can do is sending you a virtual hug and hope you can find some moments of peace and comfort in the midst of so much pain
I changed the bedding today laid her night clothes out on her side of the bed likes she still here her phone and tablet still on bedside table not touched I just plug it in once a week soon I have to cancel the contract which is extremely difficult for me as she used to do all the phone calls, all her things is as she left them around house can’t bear to move them I don’t want too it’s like she here but she’s not which I find hard to accept.
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So sorry for your loss, I too lost my partner suddenly, cardiac arrest, the ambulance crew were here already so they did cpr, but, the flashbacks are unbearable as you say. I’m 3 months into this heartbreaking journey. It is very hard, I cry still, it has got less. You are in the very early days and still in shock. It’s good you are seeing your GP, I had an appointment today, keep talking to them and keep trying to eat and sleep when you can. I barely ate, it’s still hard to eat now. The people on here are lovely, they understand what you’re going through. It has been a great comfort to me. I have no family nearby either. It can feel so isolating. I hope you get a restful evening 
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Gary I am so sorry to read this, I am responding because I was in exactly the same situation just over 2 years ago, my wife collapsed suddenly one morning from cardiac arrest, cpr, medics, police turned up, coroner involved, everything is out of your control and suddenly you are all on your own and left to deal with a huge amount of distressing administration.
There will be many on here who will have helpful and useful suggestions on how to cope, try everything, it took me two years to cancel her phone, her clothes are still in the wardrobe, do not feel pressured into doing anything, you will choose a time when you feel it is right, for me the first year was shock, numbness, learning how to use the washing machine, cook for one, reoccurring bouts of disbelief, loneliness and on it goes, 2nd year I started to get a grasp on things, we to had let the social life go but I have 3 good friends who refuse to give up on me and maybe 3 more who are quite good at checking up.
At first I refused to accept the old saying “ time heals” I now believe it actually does, it doesn’t change things, the sadness and loneliness has a little less sting, you do not “move on” but you move forward, other things inevitably become part of your changed life whether you want them to or not, you will make room for these things you have to, it is not forgetting or spending less time grieving for your partner, that doesn’t change, the tears are always close by but slowly allowing other things back into your life, the savage, overwhelming distress, utter loss and fear will mellow and remember you couldn’t have done more for your partner on that day that shattered your life.
Hour by hour, day by day.
Nigel
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Yes coroner involved too not knowing how’s she passed or should I say the official cause of death not easy to understand for me could take up to 3 months or longer for the final answer.No one to share your thoughts or talk with while you
lay in bed watching tv putting the world or rite just an empty side of bed, difficulty in sleeping the list goes on.
Thank you to all the kind people that responded with kind words which I needed and brought a few more tears god bless you all.
Gary
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@Garysc2 so sorry to read your post and there will be loads of wise words here. What you are suffering is literally PTSD and something very similar happened to me on Jan 16th and I did CPR when my partner phoned me from work saying come home and I did immediately called an ambulance on the way and found him - he had already gone but the paramedics arrived and tried to revive him anyway. I found the best was to keep talking about the moment and I would re-tell the story of what had happened in any opportunity. It kind of moves from your short term memory into your long term memory then if that makes any sense. I am no psychologist though. You will have loads of cortisol running through your system - the fight or flight chemical and walking helps (see Tom’s posts brandon1). If you are a bit isolated try Samaritans in the day especially 116 123 (they get busy in the middle of the night). they are there to listen. as are we. keep coming back as we are here and lots of us will understand what you are going through. This is such a very supportive group x
Finding someone you can genuinely talk to on such a personal level is really hard, this is where this forum comes in, you can post when having the most difficult times and someone will respond - knowing what you are going through, I found writing it all down, often in the middle of the night, no format just the words and thoughts in my head, pouring out, was also helpful, there is that need to get it all out somehow, let the tears flow, gradually the need to do this will subside but again it is a time thing,
Now into my 3rd year I still read the forum but post a lot less, it’s a long journey but doable - together.
Nx
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Not a good day today got bit shopping welling walking past the things I used to get her coming home to empty house opening door shouting honey I am home like I did for the last 30 years now alone in house can’t go out don’t want to see anyone I know, very teary at moment can’t stop the pain and flashbacks days are running into weeks now and I feel no different than the day it happened, no sleep pattern just hour or two throughout the day and night, if I didn’t have some sleeping tablets I be awake all night . What happens next do frighten me never been own.
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Unfortunately, these feelings will go on for some time. You have to let all your emotions out, cry, scream, get angry, all.of it has to come out. It makes you feel terrible I know. I could cry all day for days, it was relentless. I still cry alot, but it has lessened over the last couple of weeks or so. The loneliness is really hard. I’m signed off work and am really struggling with being alone so much. I’m really going to try and get back to work in a few weeks, I really need some company. Have you got any friends or family that can be with you or can you call someone to talk to. I know it doesn’t change how we feel, but it helps little by little. Thinking of you
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Well I retreated to bed with hot water bottle can’t face anymore today had enough roll on tomorrow for another day of the same grief , I think I might have PTSD or something like it with the constant flashbacks seeing my doctor tomorrow hope she can give me some light at the end of the tunnel, I welling up again all her stuff in bedroom as she left it.
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I am so sorry you are feeling the way you do . I was the same , in the few weeks I only went out with my dogs . Floods of tears would steaming down my cheeks as I walked . Going to the doctor is a step in the right direction. Tell her exactly how you are feeling. There are some support helplines you can ring if you need someone to talk to . And also bereavement counselling . Keep posting on here we all understand what you are feeling. Look after yourself.
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