Hi Garysc2,
I am 15 months on this crap path. I am now on a waiting list to get ptsd treatment. I have had counselling, but I need a specialist. My wife collapsed after her very first chemotherapy session. They had taken the pump off, a day later Sue collapsed. I had to do cpr till the Ambulance arrived. They took her to hospital, I followed down in another ambulance, by the time I got there Sue was on a machine keeping her heart beating. They told me with the cancer and her heart had stopped at least twice. They couldn’t say what state she would be in. They had made up there minds, but I still had to say the words which will haunt me for the rest of my life. So I sat with her and talked to her, played her favourite music, as the turned the machines off. So please focus on looking after yourself, it’s still very early for you. It all seems hard but try and eat and drink water if you are crying a lot, you will be dehydrated. Try and sleep, yes I know we all do. I have no family or friends close by. As like many of us we were so happy just been together.
Rant or ramble when you need to, this site helps me a lot, knowing I was not going mad
Take care.
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I called the ambulance they instructed how to do cpr in tandem with the operator on the phone she was in bed I had to get her on the floor which with instructions from the operator grab both corners of sheet and yank boy did she hit the floor and he said don’t worry about that so carried on with cpr with his help I wouldn’t describe what I saw and felt whilst trying to save her it’s 10 minute video playing in my mind get to end it repeats yeh sometimes I can pause it but not for long. I had problem with dry eyes for years doctor prescribed drops which I supposed to use daily but not had to use them in 5 weeks because of the tears every day it hurts and I gasp for breath sometimes so glad I seeing my go tomorrow.
Thanks for kind words it does help
Gary
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The same thing happened with my husband. We were away in a holiday cottage . The lady who owned the cottage rang for the ambulance. Her son came round and gave cpr to my husband. I have never told anyone what really happened. It took quite a while for those images to go from my head .I talked about it to my bereavement counsellor which really helped me .
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Garysc2
As you can imagine, I have left out bits of my story. I was already on the phone for the ambulance as I was worried about Sue.
Just be honest with your gp.
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My Lynn had two craft rooms she was
always busy in one of them she laid her projects out for Sunday morning it’s still there not touched it so I having sad time miss my Lynn want her back but I know she not coming back miss her so bad. I walk around house aimlessly room to room she was the crafter I was hobbyist 3D printing I can’t get my head around anything now miss the interaction we were she come to show me what she made and me going to her show what I made I feel so sad I crying now for about the 10th time today nobody to share with.
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I feel your pain. I lost my husband on a ferry in January as a result of a tragic accident. We were married for nearly 50 years and I was helping with CPR. 2 drs were on board and I was performing rescue breathing for over 30 minutes. When we docked, he was alive at top of ferry, by the time we got down he was pronounced dead. This was 3 months ago. We were on holiday and he was repatriated. I’ve never felt so devastated, and vulnerable . The guilt is overwhelming for me. All the what ifs. I have children and grandchildren and thank God for them. I’ve just joined this platform and came across your message. I can’t help you with your pain, only to say you’re not on your own and what I understand, it helps to know that. I can’t face speaking to friends I’m still traumatised awaiting help for PTSD. His funeral took place a month ago. There’s ongoing coroner involvement which won’t be finished until December. I’m involved with police witness statements. It’s not a usual death when someone dies abroad under these circumstances. My heart is torn but I hold on to my faith. And even though I’m going through this pain, I trust God will come through. I just need to be patient. Don’t give up, there’s plenty of us out there going through these same or similar experiences. One thing I know death comes to us all and we all will face grief. Don’t do it alone and give it time. Reach out to professionals as well, that’s what I’ve done. Doctors can help. I’m impatient and just want the pain to stop. I know I will be with my husband again in heaven, faith in Jesus tells me that. I belong to a church but can’t speak to others yet, I sit at back of church and leave early. I don’t blame God but I was praying Jesus over him and can’t help thinking why God didn’t bring him back to me. These are natural questions I may never get answers to and know I just have to accept it. I don’t want to talk about details of events to anyone as I relive it every day but thought I’d share with you to try and help in some way. Have a blessed day and know your not alone!
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Alicia 2,
I am sorry you are now on this crap path. Iam afraid the what ifs are hard, but you have to try and remember you did the best you could, with what you knew at the time. I still have flashbacks of that night.
Garysc2,
Please remember you are still very early in your grief. Their is no hurry to do stuff. You only do things when you feel ready. Don’t push yourself. It took me about a year to start being able to read again. I paint warhammer figures and have only just started to do that again. Remember it’s your journey on this crap path, do just look after yourself. What might work for one person, might not work for the next.
Take care everyone.
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Oh well been to doctors prescribed antidepressants and referred to mental health can’t believe what’s happening from happy go lucky no worries to quivering wreck can’t get through 2 hours without crying miss my partner so much, back in bed let the world go by I didn’t believe grief was this hard never experienced death first time I seen a dead person was my partner going forward don’t know what future brings, her ashes coming home end of next week.
Thanks For Kind Words.
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Hopefully your anti depressants will help you . And you will find some support from the mental health team. I know it’s early day for you and the pain of losing your partner is hard . Have you thought about going to a bereavement cafe , talking does help . Look after yourself.
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Hi Gary, I’m not sure what your beliefs are but I can only share mine with you in the hope it will bring you some comfort. I’m a Christian and so was my husband and as such, we believe our spirit will go to heaven when we die and are resurrected with Jesus. Whilst as a Christian I do grieve, it’s not without hope. We will see our loved ones again, this is the promise of Almighty God. I’m not going to push my views on to anyone but can only say having faith in Jesus brings me comfort in the sudden loss of my husband for nearly 50 years married. You do have family when you accept Jesus , we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and all connected. After 14 weeks since my husband died, I still can’t face friends or church family , but i do attend church, sit at back and leave early to avoid contact. I also watch TBN a Christian channel 66 freeview. Friends can also be a great source of comfort. Even though my heart is breaking my spirit is not crushed. God has answered so many of my prayers in my life. I believe in Him 100% bible says He’s ‘close to the broken hearted’ and ‘Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. ‘These are not empty words. Don’t give up, God has a plan for all of us. And we look forward to be reunited with our loved ones. I watch David Jeremiah a bible teacher on YouTube and TBN, he has a concert called ‘a glimpse of Heaven,’ please try watching that, it is very spiritually uplifting. God bless you and all of us who are suffering.
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I have thought of reconnecting with the church and I am Christian lost my way I think as it been over 50 years since I been church but the loss of my partner has bought my world crashing down.
Thanks For Your Kind Words
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Hi @Alicia2
Your post is very interesting, I am religious but probably not as much as you . I do believe we have something higher than us guiding us through out our lives.It has happened to me on numerous occasions. My husband wasn’t religious at all . When my husband died suddenly from a heart attack. We were on holiday in a cottage my husband chose. The lady who owned the cottage lived next door. When I couldn’t get any response from my husband I knocked on her door. She was fantastic she rang the ambulance called her son who lived nearby. He did cpr on my husband till the pandemics arrived. When I was told they nothing more they could do for my husband. He had gone , she never left my side she helped me ring my family. She was like a guardian angel. I will never forget her . She was very religious, she told me I would pass on what she had done for me to someone else , at some point. Maybe not in the way she helped me . As that is how it worked
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Hi Sherbet, I think it’s quite amazing how small acts of kindness can have such an impact. In your case the woman was very kind but I was touched by just being hugged by a shop keeper who I didn’t know a couple of days after my wife died. It’s made me realise we have the capacity to improve people’s lives with small gestures when they are most needed.
Wishing you all the best
Tom 
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Hi Alicia, your faith and your post are lovely. It’s not always easy when we are suffering to keep faith but it certainly helps with coming to terms with a bereavement
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Morning Tom
It’s surprising how kind people can be who we have never met. It’s nice to know there are some good people. Hope you have a pleasant day
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Very true sherbet, I hope you have a lovely day , enjoy the shopping.
All the best
Tom
Hi Alicia, thanks for sharing this. I also am a Christian and the thing that keeps me going is the knowledge I will joing my husband in heaven in the not too distant future and we will be happy again, the two of us.
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Thanks replying Anita and sharing your faith. I have heard a Christian perspective on grief recently which is one where we have a longing for our loved ones to be with us now and a longing to be with them in heaven. We are caught in between the two. I can identify with that view, as I get times during the day where I really miss my David who has been by my side for nearly 50 years, and want him here. But when I think about heaven, and I’ve made a point of finding out more about this, I’m filled with joy. I find myself praying and visualising David is preparing a home for me when my time comes and meeting others I love who have died. I have lost so many over the years, both parents, 2 sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. I know God is real and sent his only son Jesus to give us a way after death on this earth. Our eternal home is in Heaven and we are here on earth for a reason. Gods plans will come forth where there will be no more death or sorrow and every tear wiped away. God bless!
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I have been watching in youtube a channel called “Imagine Heaven” -it’s been a big blessing to imagine the wonderful place where we are going and where all our tears will be wiped away
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This the most I’ve ever used my phone. I found the Sue Ryder site by accident and I’ve found reading the other posts and posting to be comforting. Knowing that so many others understand gives validity to my feelings. I wasn’t getting that from friends and family as they just don’t get the intensity. P I am on Facebook but haven’t used it much over the past 7 months after my partner died. I’m just not motivated enough. Grief is horrible, it keeps coming at you when you least expect it, a song, a memory, seeing a car similar to my partner’s brings on the tears whether I’m alone or with others. It takes a long time to even feel marginally better. Friends don’t check in so much as time passes, I think they don’t really know what to say. Don’t be surprised if you find that you are a different person. I don’t recognise myself anymore. Take care and keep posting.
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