crap day

another bad day cant see any point being here and feeling like this i wish it had been me that had been taken and not my loving husband i dont want to do this anymore

Oh, how I feel for you. I have felt the same way many times including earlier today.
It’s completely understandable and normal for someone who has lost so much.
Do you know why today has been so bad? Anything in particular set things off or just the overwhelming feelings that creep up? If you get it off your chest it might help.
Mine was just that non-specific misery!
Here to listen. Wish I could make it better. Xx

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hi Belladoo
just seems ti be everything today its my birthday tomorrow and to be honest i just hope i dont wake up family normally come round but ive told everyone not to bother no celebration going to happen here x got picture of my darrell at the side of me and im just begging him to talk to me and come and get me x

My heart goes out to you Jo. You are struggling and I’m not going to say it will get better because you’ve probably heard that many times already. Hang in there Jo. Keep talking to Darrell. God bless

xx thanx Pattidot xx

Oh dear. Dreadful isn’t it. I’m so sorry. I’m not surprised you’re so bad. I am dreading my birthday,his birthday and our wedding anniversary.
I was told that you shouldn’t isolate yourself away from people but I completely feel like you that you don’t want to see anyone. You just have to let it all out. My grief counsellor, who is brilliant, told me that one of the first stages you encounter is the crying and shouting bit. I’ve found myself that if I really let it out it’s very successful in calming me down afterwards. It’s utterly exhausting trying to keep it in. And knackering after you’ve let it out, but I think you really need to do a lot of crying to start with. I can weep at the drop of a hat but a full blown sobbing session is what I mean. I can always feel when I’m building up to it over a few days. It’s like a pressure release.

I won’t tell you not to hope for no more tomorrow because that’s just the way you feel, and I’ve been there. It’s just the way it is. I hope you can get some sleep tonight and maybe take yourself off for a walk, eat chocolate or do something to be kind to yourself tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you. X

thank you Belladoo all i do is cry someone said to me the other day Darrell wouldnt want you to be so upset and i juat turned round and said how the bloody hell do you know you didnt know him like i did if i wasnt like this he would of said oh right out of sight out of mind (he always had sonething to say) he would know that i couldnt be without him it might sound really stupid but we were like to peas in a pod we would finish each others sentences we liked the same things we were literaly inseperable we would even know what each other were going to say xx

You and Darrell sound like me and Glen. We were smitten from the first time we properly had a conversation all those years ago. We adored one another and everyone knew it. I loved him to my core, and he me. People who haven’t had an amazing partnership like the ones we both had haven’t got a clue what it’s like. It’s like being ripped in two. They definitely take part of you with them when they go.
It’s nearly five months since my beloved husband died and the pain is beyond measure. I hope you have a better day than you think you will tomorrow. Xx

you were obviously a perfect match xx peopke say better tohave loved and lost that to have never lloved before … what a load of crap those people have never ever been in love like we were with our husbands as the pain when losing a true loved one is crippling … take care sending much love xx

Happy Birthday Jo. Every afternoon I have a weepy session, somedays worse than others. It came as usual today and for the first time I asked myself. “what is the point”. How long have I got to go on like this. I agree with you, love is crippling when you lose what we have. I sometimes find myself wondering if it was worth it. There’s another saying. “What you’ve never had you never miss.”. I know I shouldn’t think like this but the pain is so awful.

hi Pattidot thank you for the birthday wishes x got a very large drink that ive had to have to get me through today Darrell would of made me feel like i was the only person in the world x yes its hard to deacribe the pain to someone who hasnt lost their husband ive struggled today and missed him so much talked to him all day just wish he would talk back x i know what you mean about what is the point but youve got through today like me. and the only thing thats keeping me going at the minute is chatting on here. like i said in an early post i was really hoping Darrell was going to get me last night and that i hadnt woke up this morning i was so distressed this morning that i had woke x im here thinking of you sending you my love and support xx

Dear Jo

I’m sorry to read that you’re feeling so low, birthdays and other dates you would have shared together must be particularly difficult…but I’m glad that chatting here is helping a little.

I wondered if you’d considered bereavement counselling at all? We offer a free online video counselling service for our Community members which you can find out more about here https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

take care of yourself
Nancy

Thank you so much Jo for thinking of me when you are struggling so much yourself. Not usually on forum at this time, but wanted to see how you was today. No words can take away our pain we just have to try and be strong for those men of ours, that are now causing us so much grief. I hope Brian knows what I’m going through for him.
I am always up early and take the dogs out. My walk usually makes me function a bit better, then I have a relapse in the afternoon. It’s like I’m on a time switch. “Grief time” and there’s nothing I can do about it. Today I jumped on an early morning bus and walked along tracks and woodland. Caught bus back home. I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen since my husbands funeral, she asked me how I was getting on, then I remembered that they had lost their daughter some years ago. The daughter was murdered by an ex boyfriend and her parents found her as they searched for her. Can you imagine that, how awful. So I realised that she knew all too well what I was going through, and that she had gone through so much worse than me. Her daughter was a young beautiful, intelligent woman and they had no idea that evening when she went out to a local dance that they would never see her alive again. For the first time I now know what they went through. I never really understood before. Yes Jo, we get through each day. Like you I talk to my Brian. I ask him to come to me but so far I’ve never asked for him to take me. What worries me, what if we don’t meet up in the spirit world, what if he’s forgotten me and worst of all what if I meet up with someone from my past that I didn’t like, (like my ex husband.) I would have to make sure that it was Brian I met. Daft what goes through your head at a time like this isn’t it. You can only do your best to get through today and tomorrow, and the next day. Thinking of you.

hi Pattidot thanx for thinking of me and taking the time to ask feel really quiet today jeep looking at Darrells picture see if he will give me some advice just feel so stressed and lonely . Brian will find you when its your time i truly believe that x i know this might sound really selfish but i keep thinking right i was always there for him i need him now where is he what else has he got to bloody do x jo xx

I’m dreading our wedding anniversary and Brian’s birthday as they are both in the same week and to make it worse we was usually away on walking holidays at the time. Your right we do have to release that valve when we need to cry, let it out, sometimes I want to scream and scream with frustration. It does calm you down eventually and I do feel better after a good old cry. Otherwise I get a headache holding it all in.
Sometimes I much prefer to be isolated. I honestly don’t think my friends and family would ever guess what goes on inside me as I have become good at covering it up. I laugh and chat, even have a joke, keep myself busy all day and never drink alcohol as don’t like it (sometimes wish I did) but inside I am still crippled. They think I’m doing just fine, can’t believe I can do both so well.

i think you are doing amazing to be honest … i just cry over anything anyone talks to me asks how i am i just think how the hell do you think i am ive list the love of my life my soul mate and my best friend what do u think x im best on my own or just with my son daughter and granddaughters and obviously Darrell x

Hi Jo,
We all take so much for granted in life. It’s not until we lose somebody close that we realise how precious it all is. This site is a great support to know you are not alone.
You survived your birthday well done, I’m sure Darrell was looking down on you wishing he was there.
I lost my partner on Dec 28th 2018 to oesophageal cancer. It’s my birthday Dec 21st it was his Dec 24th so going to be a tough week. Merry bloody Christmas. I know our other halves wouldn’t want us to be miserable and sad but it’s hard not to be. The pain is unbearable at times. We will get through it though and I’m hoping that time does make it easier to accept.
Stay strong.
Lynn x

hi lynn im sorry to hear about your partner x thank you for taking the time to message me . another crap day no doubt worse thing is i wake up in the morning after asking Darrell every night to come and fetch men x sending love jo xx

Hi Jo, I ask George all the time to come and fetch me, I try to make bargains with him and plead with him all the time, it is just crap!! I actually dreamt about George last night and it was so real. I thought I would be really upset when I had a dream like that but it was strangely comforting. You are doing amazingly well Jo, even sharing on the forum can be hard at time. We are all here for you xxx

hi Devra if youve had a dream like that ive read into it quite abit and it means that George actually came to you during the night and thats why it felt so real and you felt comforted wow how amazing im so pleased for you i truly am xxxxx thank you for your kind words and your support sending you love jo xxx

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