Good morning everyone
Just been scrolling down the posts and catching up .
Firstly, let me apologise . Somewhere down the line I must have missed some posts from days/weeks ago about sending Xmas cards to each other . I only just saw comments about cards in recent posts. So sorry as I would have taken part. I wrote all my cards several weeks ago and used them all up ( most of them were left over from last year). Dont worry it was my fault.
Anyway I know how much you all care with your love and friendship this last difficult year .
Having a quiet weekend. Saw the football last night and no surprise we lost!
Havent put my tree up yet , havent really thought about it to be honest .Got my good friend visiting me on Tuesday so looking forward to that.
Hope you are all managing the cold weather. What with the time of year and everyone going on strike it’s a pretty depressing time for us all.
Sending love and best wishes to you all
Neil x
Hi Neil,
What a lovely card! Always good to see a bit of sparkle, lifts the soul. I haven’t got my xmas tree for the garden yet (keep putting off going and can’t pinned my niece down to help me with the ongoing move). Can’t face putting any decs up in the house but I do admire those who do, knowing how hard it is. Might get mams xmas puzzles out the loft today but not sure if it will be too upsetting as we would sit together for hours doing it until I needed to go home. I had thought about creating a display under the tree outside with her little houses but not sure now with the arctic temperatures. She’d never forgive me for being so careless if they shattered.
Sorry your football lost. I caught it on the news and was delighted that normal tv will now resume (hopefully). Glad your friend is coming to see you. That will be nice to catch up. My sister phoned yesterday but I missed her call. She must have got my card. I had a good day yesterday getting out to collect my shopping and got my bird food. It is wonderful to hear their chatter again on a morning as they feast upon the mix I’ve created for them. My crow and jays are back, along with my regulars, sparrows, robins, bluetits and speckles.
I have beautiful frozen webs in the pergola
and all the rosehips have a dusting of ice. Quite beautiful.
This was taken about 8 am. You can feel the cold from the image.
A winter wonderland.
Don’t think I’ll venture out there today. Car still hasn’t thawed out because there’s no sun at all. Will make my stained glass window for the bathroom and take pics along the way so if anyone wants to make one they can.
Have a gentle Sunday Neil, and thank you for the card. x
Lots of love xxx
Love the pics of the birds Christine. The pic of the crow is beautiful- the black set amongst the white. Still waiting for Mums robin to visit me again.
Have a peaceful afternoon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Neil,
The crow is one of my fave birds. Quite magnificent. Have you thought of getting one of those window feeders to attract birds to you? They stick on the outside of the window.
They aren’t too expensive and it would give you a daily interest. Watching them is fun. I had a flock of baby starlings this morning, just after I’d put my camera away. Doesn’t take them long to know the food is there.
I’m sure your little robin will visit when you least expect it. When I see mine I always stop in my tracks, thinking of mam, and chat away to it, along with whatever noisy chirping is going on. They actually chat back. Such a lovely thing.
Hope you are having an ok day and braving the cold. It’s never warmed up here and the car hasn’t lost it’s white cape! I checked the forecast for next week and temperatures are going to pick up again week after next because we will start having rain from next Sunday (difference is this Tues 2 degrees and next is 11). I’m relieved that I can plant my bulbs for Spring so have ordered my compost again after it didn’t arrive last week. Such a relief after getting the new bulbs.
Been busy creating my xmas window with cellophane craft sheets, photographing as I go so I can create a ‘how to do’ on here. That’s my next task. I’ll post a link when its done.
If you want to bring the outdoors in for a touch of summer fragrance Aldi have some lovely hand washes - Orange and Bergomot, White Mulberry, Rhubarb and Rose. Mam loved rhubarb so that’s my fave.
I’ve decided I will get mams xmas puzzles out the loft. I’ll lay them on the floor and do bits over time. I was going to get her a new puzzle for xmas. I miss her so much.
The creep has been creeping because I’ve had my light on in the bedroom and working with the frame on the windowsill for the light. He’s been in and out, taking the car round the block, sitting in the car when he gets back. All so he can spy on me. I hate him!
Will pop back again when I’ve finished my xmas window post.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
Yeah kerfuffle was one of my Mum’s frequently used sayings as well! Our Mums have some funny, little sayings don’t they.
You are certainly right about Poundland. I think they need a re-brand because I’m not really sure they know what to market themselves as anymore. A lot of there stuff isn’t £1.00. A lot of there stuff also isn’t worth £1.00. Usually I don’t venture any further than the Asda which is just a 15minute walk away. We’ve got a new massive home bargains and an Aldi but I don’t drive and they are both a mile and a half away, which is ok but not when you’ve bought any amount as there’s no bus service either
I can’t go out right now as I don’t feel well but even if I was OK I couldn’t get out of the road down here as the ice and snow hasn’t shifted and now it will be getting dusk soon so it won’t be going anywhere in a hurry.
Goodness me how lucky you were to have noticed Porsche wasn’t in the house when you went out to the bins. Would she have ventured further afield or just cried. Either way she’d have had a cold bum!
He’s taken Zoe to Park in the snow today. It seems she likes the snow. He’s gone with his Son so they’ll be getting here soon. That’s 8 snowy and muddy feet to scrub up after!
I’m gonna make a hot drink and have a biscuit I think. With not being well yesterday I had on 4 tops and still didn’t feel any benefit!
Keep warm and catch you later !!
Much love Xx
Hi Tina,
Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well. I’ve perked up to what I was, taking energy supplement fizzy things and cold / flu medication before it gets any worse. Seems to have done the trick. Nothing worse than feeling really cold. I always find a hot bath relaxing and thaws me out when I come in from the garden. Haven’t been out today at all apart from to photograph the birds this morning at the kitchen door (see my post to Neil).
That’s a buggar about Aldi being so close but not having a bus service. It would be worthwhile doing a huge shop if your bro would do a click collect as I did. It’s about a fiver for them to do the shop for you but it’s worth it for me to not have a panic attack instore. I was just saying to Neil, they do some lovely fragranced hand washes. My fave is Rhubarb and Rose (mam loved both) but Wild Mulberry and Orange / Bergomot is also lush. Would make lovely pressies too. Reminds me of summer when I can’t get outside.
I checked the weather and this week is much the same but from Sunday we will have rain and the temperatures are going back up (Tues is 2 here but 11 a week later). I didn’t think I’d get my Spring bulbs done but I’m delighted now so have ordered compost to dash out between showers. Something to look forward too after a cold winter.
Zoe will be loving her outing to the park. I think large dogs love the snow because they get so hot in their winter coats. I think it’s so funny seeing small dogs wearing their little jumpers to keep them from freezing when they’re out. Have you seen the dinosaur outfits for bigger dogs? Hilarious. The legs are covered too but the bum cut out for obvious reasons. I love the idea of having a dog but having to walk it in all weathers is off putting. Porsch is demanding enough. She’s always in the way when I’m, on the move, doing whatever. She has to sit on everything I’m doing. Very demanding. Luckily she’s a home bird so doesn’t go far at all. Don’t think I would have heard her cry though, and when I was shouting for her she waited until she could see me before she let me know where she was. She’s fast asleep again in her nest, snoring her head off.
I have just finished posting my crafty ‘HOW TO CREATE A CHRISTMAS WINDOW’. Here’s the link: https://community.sueryder.org/t/how-to-create-a-christmas-window/59715
Looks fab, bringing in light from the bathroom into the hallway, even though it isn’t sunny today. Let me know what you think.
Lots of love xxx
Hi everyone,
It has snowed ! Tried getting a pic but too dark and the flash didn’t work on the camera so hope it’s still there in the morn. So thick. Must have been snowing for hours. Certainly won’t be going out in it tomorrow. It’s the type of snow we would go sledging in as kids up north. I can still remember my sledge, wooden slats with the metal runners (70’s, before plastic). Mam would give us hot bovril to warm up while we were making our snowman, mittens steaming on the radiator, eager to get out there again. Mam always had big buttons ready for eyes and a carrot for the nose. Scarf and hat to keep him warm and branches for his arms, and gloves. It was always sad when he eventually melted in the garden.
We’d always wait for the snow to arrive, especially at xmas. It was the best pressie if it came for xmas day. Sometimes we were snowed in and dad had to shovel his way out for work. Schools would close and we were free to play snowball fights and eat the massive icicles dangling everywhere.
I loved waking up to the hum of heating and mam getting breakfast on downstairs. My fave was fried bread and brown sauce (I know, not very healthy but a treat) and I could eat as much as dad and was skinny as a rake.
I miss the certainty of being a child, that mam would always be there. I never wanted to grow up. Not ever. And now she’s gone the world doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand where I fit in. She was my fiend and guide in life. Everything was ok, even if it wasn’t, because she said it would work itself out, and it always did. And although the memories of childhood come flooding back it makes me cry because I didn’t know that time was passing and mam was getting older. I really didn’t see how old she had got. I thought I still had time to tell her I love her because I didn’t say it in real life. Life will never be real again now that she is missing from it. I miss her so very much.
I got her xmas jigsaw out the loft and made a start on one we often did. It’s not the same doing it on my own. It’s just a jigsaw. It’s not on the table at the old house where we would have to cover it over for meals and then uncover it again. We aren’t searching for the bit we need and mam says ‘Good o!’ when I find it. I’m back at home and never want to leave. And now I’m on my own trying to do things to hang onto memories of her. All I want is to be with her again and never leave. This is heartbreaking all over again. Everything reminds me she isn’t here and never will be again.
Hello Christine
It’s well gone 3am now and just had a bit of a tearful episode and have emailed Samaritan’s. It takes a while for them to reply understandably, but I’m not so bothered about waiting. I don’t really feel comfortable "speaking’ and would rather email. I feel a bit lighter for now, for pouring everything out to someone.
I do like your window effect with the stained glass appearance. That is something I’d thought of too in the past and then you’d reminded me of it a few weeks ago. It’s really striking and adds an interesting touch. Is that panel in the garden shot another separate piece? I’ve got loads of those bits, mum saved everything just in case she needed it.
I hear it’s snowing where you are? It started two days ago here but now it’s got to that patchy hard icy stuff which is utterly treacherous and I think it will take till Tuesday to clear probably.
I’d heard about some of the nice stuff Aldi has in right now so despite the distance I might have a walk one morning when I feel a bit better. I think some of Aldi’s products are underrated. Might try some of those fragrance items you mention.
Zoe does seem to love the snow, dashing around on it like someone’s let a dozen rabbits loose and she doesn’t know which one to chase! I went to let her out at 11.30pm though for a wee but she decided she wanted to settle down and lie in it which I wasn’t that thrilled about. Does Porsche like it? Cats don’t normally like getting their feet wet do they.
Are you out for therapy or swimming later.
Take care of so.
Much love xx
Hi Neil
Hope you are coping with the continued bad weather. Just saying to Christine that I’ve just been emailing the Samaritan’s as I had got myself a bit overwhelmed. I know emailing isn’t ideal but I’m not that great with speaking to them.
I’ll be relieved when this football had finished. Don’t know when it ends but I’m not that keen on never knowing what day it is with the soaps always changing.
Hope you have something nice on your agenda today.
Be careful of you have snow.
Much love
Hi Tina,
Porsch woke me at 4.30 for chicken ! so like you I’m up in the quiet of the night/morning and now am wide awake. How are you feeling now? It’s good that you reached out to Samaritans. I would rather email them too rather I’d be overheard by the creep. It seems everything reminds me of mam, lovely memories of playing in the snow followed by an avalanche of tears. Grief really must be one of the hardest ‘conditions’ to cope with. It’s so traumatic. And to keep it hidden is not fair. We just don’t know what’s coming.
I was so delighted to see the snow. It must have been coming down for hours because it’s got to be 6 to 8 inches. Looks like a fairy tale out there. I’ll take pics in the morn. Porsch would certainly not venture out there. I’ve been putting cat food out for the foxes (always do in the winter) and there’s ‘hoof’ marks all over the grass (front of house). I love your description of Zoe / rabbits let loose. Describes that frantic excitement dogs have, like little children. Pop a harness on her and she could sledge you to Aldi! And she’d love it. Like the huskies sleighs for the eskimo’s. I don’t know how anyone can live in the cold. There’s a place in Russia where it is always below freezing but the pay is good at the factory so they all stay, but die in their 50’s because of the toxic pollution. It was a random thing on tv. They have red lakes there.
Don’t think I’ll be venturing out for anything in the next couple of days. Might not even get to therapy tomorrow. I was very annoyed that I could have collected the fish yesterday but my niece texted me at 3.20 and I didn’t see it until 4 (dark at 4.20). She has no concept of planning ahead, despite knowing that I kept trying to organise it. My sister is supposed to be sorting the garden this week and taking bits to the skip. Don’t know how she’ll do that in this snow. Everything will be covered. Next week we will see temperatures going back up so the snow and cold will be gone. They will be moved before xmas so I’ll feel even more alone than I am already.
Will you be putting anything up for xmas? Tree or decs? Still haven’t got my tree. Thinking of making a wreath. I’ll post some of my past creations later on today. They’re always huge and made from bits from the garden.
MY xmas window is the artwork you see in the garden. It’s all cellophane sheets cut up and stuck to the frame. Looks totally different when it has the light coming through. I couldn’t put it straight onto the glass because the windows stream with condensation. And having it on a frame means I can have it anywhere in the house. I searched for my old one made from choc wrappers but couldn’t find it. Must be in with all the xmas things and I can’t face getting into it all. Too upsetting. But I did make a start on mams xmas jigsaw puzzle. Just not the same without mam. I can see her now sitting at the table fiddling with bits that don’t fit.
Can’t imagine I’ll get any sleep again. It’s the worst feeling in the world, being awake when the world is sleeping. Had a cuppa and now just feeling very lost and sad. How can people not feel like we do? My sister just doesn’t seem to be affected by mams leaving and thinks she’s better off because she isn’t in pain. Surely that’s what people say to comfort others. I just want to be little again, where the world made sense and I knew when I woke up again mam would be there. I miss her so much.
I wish your brother would stop his antics and be a support to you. You have to deal with his nonsense and I am abandoned and ignored. But my sister up north rang and left a message to chat but I didn’t get it until later that day. I had to sleep after getting to Aldi and so didn’t ring back. She sounded happy. It sounded odd that she would be. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again.
Porsch is snoring now, back in her little nest. I cover her over so she’s warm enough, like being tucked into bed. She likes it.
I’ll go now and try to get back to sleep. Nothing worse than trying. But it’s quite soothing having the hum of the fishtank in the dark. Will pop in tomorrow with pics of the winter wonderland. Looks like a fairytale.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina
I am pleased that you reached out for Samaritans. They have really helped me so much and are there when I need to talk. I have gone quite a long time without making a call to anyone but this week with Mums funeral anniversary, I have put plans in place to speak on certain days as it always helps to get my feelings out. Not looking forward to Xmas, will be difficult for us all, and not having a great day today. Decided to put the tree up but putting some of the other decorations up I got a bit upset as they were some of the last things Mum bought and I felt worse for doing it. If I still feel that way I will put some back.
The football ends on Sunday. Only on Tue/Wed in the week so programmes will be on normal now.
Had snow here last night although not a big amount and all the roads are clear. Still get kids off school though! We always went to school in the snow.
Got my friend visiting tomorrow which I am very much looking forward to.
Been checking my finances and am in a better place than what I thought I would be but the savings are gradually going down ( I think you said yours were too) and after Christmas the priority is to get a job and some more money coming in. Getting some help with that as well but it does take time when your emotions are all over the place when grieving.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi everyone,
This is the winter wonderland I woke up to,
greeted with a smile,
a snow angel
and the buddhas already playing out in the snow.
As I set to work clearing table tops to top up bird seed and fat balls I noticed beautiful markings up the path
and some hoofs (foxes or the naughty gnomes playing tricks on me).
The pergola is deeply laden overhead
with the berry canopy barely visible.
Trees take on a magnificent quality
and plants become beautiful ice sculptures.
The lawn is a magical fairytale, like something out of Narnia
and the big pond frozen like an ice lake.
I managed to smash it up with the rake but it will freeze again as soon as the temperatures drop.
I was surprised to see the small top pond hasn’t frozen at all. This is where I will house the fish (if I ever get them) over winter.
It has been a hive of frantic activity in the pergola canopy, a feeding frenzy and quite a bit of fighting going on. I spotted my little robin,
speckled starlings (babies),
sparrows,
and the cheeky magpie
It has been lovely sitting watching them all from the sitting room window.
The snow is already melting but will turn to ice now as the temperatures drop. I’ve had the water pumps on and fountain to keep the water moving. The air is thick now with the threat of more snow. It is so very peaceful. I hope you are all having a peaceful day too.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Just posted my garden pics after the deluge of snow through the night. I knew it had snowed before I went to bed but the pics I took were too dark to post. Feel better for having done that today as I didn’t sleep last night, posting to Tina at 4.30 this morn. I think xmas is starting to hit all of us. My reaction to seeing the snow was excitement at first, like a child, but then I was balling my eyes out when memories of sledging and building snowmen came flooding back.
You’ve been doing so well lately, really positive, enjoying your outings and giving us all inspiration and hope that we too can find some sort of refuge from this relentless sadness. But it always catches up with us eventually. You are certainly pro active in your fight against grief, getting things with Samaritans in place when you know you need it. I thought about getting mams little xmas houses out to dot about the house, or add to the shrine, but I keep putting off and just think it will be too devastating. It’s like I’m hiding from the upset of facing xmas. They are the essence of what is magical about mam and xmas. I still haven’t got my tree for the garden. And if I don’t get it I won’t be that bothered. Everything I’m doing is existing as if xmas is happening to everyone else and not me, like I’m in a bubble. But I know it’s about to burst. I can feel the build up to that explosion of grief I keep having. I think there’s such a fine line between finding comfort in something and it being a trigger for memory and upset. If you put the decorations away again it doesn’t mean anything. They’ll be there forever for you to try again another xmas. I can’t imagine ever having xmas and it being normal ever again, or joyful. How can it be?
I sensed that you were feeling less upbeat recently. Keep posting babe. My battle is so up and down throughout the day now I never know what I’ll be feeling from one minute to the next. Short bursts or long episodes of sobbing. I’ve learnt to just roll with it. What else can we do?
Hope you enjoy the pics. The light is going now in the garden and it is so silent. Hope it doesn’t snow again. Not sure if the pergola could take any more weight!
Lots of love xxx
Amazing pics Christine . You would make a great nature photographer. I had a magpie under my window this morning. Mainly its pigeons and crows where Iive . Sometimes the cat from the next block comes and sits watching them for ages. So lovely to look at nature.
Speak again soon.
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Neil,
What have you got planned for when your friend comes down tomorrow?
If you ever fancy personally messaging your address then we can send cards and postcards but meanwhile
It’s been brutally cold up here today…woke up to -7C and hasn’t got above -3C all day so had to put on my heating and then get an email from SSE saying…‘oh you’re direct debit is going up again as of 1st Jan’ and as it’s panto season my answer to that is ‘oh no it isn’t’ 
x
The water pipes at my work today froze so we’ve had no water all day even for the toilets but weren’t allowed to close as we could use the toilets in the shop next door!!
How cold is it down by you? x
Managed to get a ticket to see Peter Kay the other day and then realised it was for April 2025!! Absolutely crazy lol x
You still watching the football now England are out? x
Take care and will check in with you to hear about your plans with your friend 
x
Just to say Neil that come the 20th I’ll be here for you x I’m having to work that day which I think will be better for me but anytime you want to talk you know where I am…where we al are x
Hi Christine,
I haven’t had any snow like that…infact the sprinkling I had didn’t even really settle.
Also before I forget your card came today and it was lovely and much appreciated. I posted your card today so hopefully you will receive it soon x
I love your photos and your window….so pretty especially the magpie….love corvids x
Hopefully you’re doing ok this week 
x
Lovely photos Christine, I have snow here too but only a light covering. I love the photo of your magpie, I know people are not keen on them but I think they are magnificent looking birds. I fed the birds on Sunday and notice a squirrel busy under the bird feeder scratching around I don’t know whether he was after what the birds had dropped or collecting food he had previously buried.
One day last week I was out at the bins and heard alot of rustling in the bush, it was a sparrowhawk, couldn’t quite see what bird he had caught as he flew off. Nature is very cruel at times.
I not looking forward to walking to work in the morning, half melted refrozen snow is not good to walk on. Always worried about slipping over, I’ll probably end up walking in the road and take my chance with the cars.
Snow is really beautiful if you don’t have to go out in it.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Suzanne
Had a difficult day today which is something that is becoming rarer for me as you know. Just by putting some decorations up and something else I got choked up by was finding a crocheted bed spread that Mum made as I wanted another layer on my bed. Just felt sad for a while.
I will use my coping mechanisms for the 20th( that will be the last of the anniversaries in that first year) and will do one of my phone calls in the days before and on the day itself. Thank you for your kind words and know you are all here
I got an email from SSE ( or OVO as they are called now) . All the energy companies are ripping us off. I pay quarterly and saving my three lots of £66 up for the larger bill in Feb. When I start work , wherever that will be,I will probably change to Direct Debit.
World Cup coming to an end on Sun and then back to normal football and the Premier League restarting on Boxing Day.
Will be good to see my friend tomorrow!
Speak again soon.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
How did you not freeze during the night? I heard it could be -20 !!! in remote Scotland, wherever that is. Amazed you haven’t had proper snow. Really enjoyed getting in the garden and taking pics before it disappears. It started to thaw but not much and will just refreeze. Not sure I’ll be getting to therapy tomorrow if same as today, though the main roads should be ok.
I’ve been doing mams xmas jigsaw puzzle but without her doing it with me it’s just a jigsaw. Had an ok day after not much sleep last night. Got very upset after seeing the snow because of all the lovely memories of playing in it as a kid.
Seems that this is the last week for clearing the house / garden and still haven’t got fish. It’s ridiculous. You would think she’d be glad I’m taking them as it’s one thing she doesn’t have to do. I’ll be glad when it’s actually done and over with.
Not sure if I’ll go therapy tomorrow. Will have to see what the roads are like. If I do I might pop in for a swim. Probably wishful thinking.
Thought I spotted a badger in the garden! But it wasn’t, just my eyesight.
So tired. Will be catching up on some sleep if Porsch doesn’t scream for chicken again at 4.30 am. She’s snuggled up in the sitting room now.
Hope you get some water running again. At least you don’t have to squat over a bucket in the corner of the shop!
Lots of love xxx