CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM

[Suzanne30]

Hi Nick,

Thanks for your kind words and sorry to hear you’ve not been feeling the best but hopefully you’ll feel a bit better over the next few days and able to enjoy the better weather.
Are you finding you are having more better days than bad just now? I do hope you are finding some more peaceful days especially if you’ve been feeling poorly.

Do you have anything planned to look forward to over the weekend? I’m apparently taking my niece to get her first tattoo on Friday but I think it’ll be a disaster as I think she’ll tap out cause she has no tolerance to pain at all but lately she’s surprised me so she may take after me and her mum and enjoy being tattooed. Told her if she taps out I’ll take her appointment lol x

Anyway better head off to bed so will wish you a good night so take care and chat soon x

[Suzanne30]

Hi Christine,
Love the photos especially the ones of Porscha…such a cute cat x
Glad to hear you managed to meet up with your niece this week and go swimming x hope you felt happier after both as I know the swimming can exhaust you but least you’re still manage to make great headway in the garden.
I came home yesterday to find two of the neighbours kids running out my back gate but couldn’t see anything wrong but they obviously didn’t know I was at home cause I heard them running in the gate and pissing about my garden so I went out and you should have seen their faces x asked them what they were doing and they were like ‘oh just looking for something’…they were swiftly told to leave and stop coming in….needless to say they haven’t back in since lol x

How are you doing this week? when do you see your niece next? x
I’ll pop back in tomorrow to catch up more with you and others but I can’t keep my eyes open so will wish you a peaceful night and catch up soon x

[Tina19]

Hello Nick

I’m sorry to have read you have been unwell, but pleased to hear you have felt better and been able to get some gardening done. It’s so sad that the council have taken against a bit of extra plant that’s crept out of line. Anyone would think it’s crossed a military border. You’d think they’d be pleased you were taking a pride in your living space.

You did well for three hours work. No doubt your back will be demanding some TLC from you in the days to come. Hope there’s been no long lasting aches etc.

It’s nice not to feel the cold and for that I’m really grateful but I’m ready for a little bit of rain to refresh the soil.

Take care and have the Fiery Jack at hand. (I don’t think they make that anymore. That certainly was strong stuff )!

Take care xx

[Tina19]

Hi Christine

They say patience is a virtue and although you do your garden out of passion and interest there must be loads of patience involved. All those little plant pots with seedings, cuttings and seeds. I did once do a lot of that but couldn’t face it now. I’d be too downhearted when they didn’t work or got eaten by insects. I used to grow Godetia and Night Scented Stock as favourites. Porsche looks such a healthy little thing in those photos with her clear and bright eyes.

Good to hear you have been swimming. I could do with doing something like that. I can’t swim, but something that uses the same amount of effort. I’ve hit rock bottom with my dietary self-care and you’d think the only way is up, but I can guess there’ll be a basement level rock bottom to get to before I implement any kind of change. You’d think I’d be fairly fit chasing after Zoe but that’s definitely not the case!

Well I’ll sign off now and check back tomorrow.

xx

[Nick22]

Hi Suzanne30, strange you are asking. I did get a letter from the local council because some of my plants are getting too big and I was ask to cut them down. They have been are growing too much and covering part of the foot path. I have been working on it for three days now, well, 7 hours only. I am exhausted and have several blisters, but I feel much better at the moment and also sleep well at the moment. Just one more day now. - I just hope I can stay on this path now. I have been depressed for about 2 month now and hope it will not be much longer. (Stage 4 is suppose to be the longest one.) I think I will also cut the lawn again. I think doing some more work is better than being depressed. Well, I hope I am right and I guess the good weather helps too.

I am currently in the process of selling my bungalow to be able to pay the inheritance tax. (I am mooving in to my brother’s house.) The price has been agreed, fingers crossed. The person who agreed to buy my bungalow will be back to tomorrow to measure the rooms so he can plan where to put his furniture. He measured the garden and the garage already. - I had the garage enlarged some years ago and it seems to be a selling point. My bungalow was the last house to be built and the garden is bigger than the ones from the neighbouring houses. He can park 4 cars on the drive. Most houses have only space for two cars, and, I guess he has more than two. He is collection Minis and has shown me some photos of his cars. - Fingers crossed.

About your niece: Can’t you persuade her not to get her tattoo? Many people who have tattoos wish they had never done it. Also, best to read up on complications first. Or, you could ask your GP.

Sorry, I fortgot that I have written some of the text allready.

Take care, Nick

[Tina19]

Hi Neil.

Good advice from Suzanne about not taking any job for the sake of it. Should it turn out to be the wrong one for you and you had to leave there’d be no end of complications and possible sanctions on your benefit. Its a whole different ball game walking out of a job with the benefits system. I just do as and when internet data input work. Its not even classed as “employment” bit I get an income from it. I know I’m just storing up complications for myself in years down the line with NI and stuff but I’ll deal with that at the time.

Certainly nice weather for when you are on your theatre travels. It must bring out the crowds though, something if find a bit difficult personally but that’s just me!

Hope you’ve something nice in the pipeline for today Neil

xx

[NEILB72]

Hi everyone
Just been catching up with your posts.
Thought I would make a general post to all of you as I am popping out shopping shortly and might forget later!
Plans have changed a bit this week . Was going to book for a show in London for Sat until my friend, who had the cancer scare, phoned me as he had even cheaper tkts for another show so we are going to see Idiots Assemble The Spitting Image Musical which is on my list anyway. Seeing it at the Phoenix Theatre Sat afternoon. Now seeing GOTG3 at the cinema next Wed as I have to go to a UC appt and the times work better.
Last day of the Prem League season on Sun but West Ham have a massive European Final to play on 7th Jun. Our biggest game for years.
Hope you are all doing as best as you can and can have a restful Bank Holiday weekend
Sending love and best wishes to you all
Neil x

[Beki]

Thank goodness a three day weekend is almost here!

Hope everyone is keeping well and enjoying the nice weather.

@christine51 this is another pic I took in Cornwall - reminds me of Van Gogh’s starry nights

Last weekend I went to the well dressing which was lovely. Never been before and they were magical. The village was ridiculously cute, proper chocolate box. Some pics

Followed the well dressing with a lovely Sunday lunch.

Been busy at work this weekend but so tired (it’s all hormone related I think)

Got some new heavy cutters as I continue to try and make inroads into my overgrown garden! Also added more solar lights because no such thing as too many!

Will update you with some garden stories soon I hope!

Beki x

[NEILB72]

Hi Beki
Loving the pics as always. Hope you have a lovely, relaxing Bank Holiday weekend
Love and best wishes
Neil x

[christine51]

Hi Suzanne,
Trying to catch up on posts this morn before I get in the garden to update pics and get some weeding done, though I have been nurturing my weeds to encourage diversity, as per the Chelsea Flower Show (though have to get a balance between being overrun and allowing plants to flourish). How’s the weed situation with your gravel? If you really want to obliterate them you’d have to take up everything and lay plastic sheeting down and then put everything back again. I have so many compost bags from all my work if you were just round the corner I would have tackled it with you.
It’s been quite cloudy here but intervals of sun too so lovely to get work done and then have a puzzle book rest with Porsch. You’ll be impressed with my visiting bird menagery. All the babies come to feast on the treats and it’s so delightful watching them demanding to be fed as the adults frantically collect everything they can. Now the pond has a gentle slope and is planted up (need to take pics again) they love having a bath and flapping about in the water. It’s quite a scene. And the chatter! It’s starts about 6.30 when I go out to feed them breakfast and then throughout the day. Porsch is quite jel and doesn’t want to sit on my knee. She’s so greedy now for treats that I have stopped giving her them as she was sick.
Love your pics, as always. Would love that rock for my pond! I noticed the birds have pinched all my moss I was growing on in mam’s old bird bath. Very impressed with that gigantic birds nest. Reminds me of the insect dwelling I created at the top pond, adding all my twigs into the warped fence panel.
I really donl;t know how I

[christine51]

Hi Tina,
I’m just trying to catch up a bit this morn before I get to work with my weeding. Been coming in late every night (around 9.30) so have been too tired to post (and have missed Monty with the Chelsea Flower Show) but have so many pics for you all. Been enjoying my prisms! I’ve hung them from the fig tree and have to walk through them to sit down and then watch them dancing in the sun while I’m doing my puzzle.

Beki got me one too, with a beautiful tree crystal.

I added my own jewel

and hope to find more!
I’ve tidied up the patio and created two seating areas so I can chase the shade when it gets too hot. Took all day and I’ll have to take new pics today if the creep isn’t lurking. He went out, as I thought, only to come back again. Musty have just gone round the block. Why? !
You’ll see from my post to Suzanne how I’ve created a haven for the baby birds. The noise is incredible! And the babies are so demanding. It’s a starling frenzy and so fun to watch them paddling and bathing in the pond. The pigeons don’t get much of a look in and my little robin usually waits until they’ve all disappeared late on. I miss seeing them and was looking forward to seeing the babies. Imagine how small a baby robin would be. Tiny. Like the tiny sparrows being fed by their mams. Just so lovely to watch.
I didn’t know it was bank holiday until Debbie mentioned it. I feel quite lost and unconnected to calendar events because they don’t effect me. I miss going over for bbq’s and just being in the old garden. Really miss the car booties, finding treasures for the garden and clothes/fabric stock for my work. Keeping busy is all I can do now. Looking forward to seeing the garden bloom in summer. It’s quite nippy this morn.
Thank you for saying that about my reply to Dean. It’s such a delicate thing to welcome someone new. I haven’t caught up yet so don’t know if he’s been back again. Hope so. Even when I couldn’t post I found it comforting to read them. I keep having moments of mam popping into my head, all different times throughout our life together and not special occasions, just the everyday. I miss mam so much. I really do feel broken hearted without her to love and for her to love me back. I can’t think of anything worse that could happen. I still cannot accept it or understand why she had to leave me behind. I still want to be with her.
Hope Zoe is behaving herself. Porsch is in the huff because she was sick with too many treats and now isn’t getting any. And she’s very jel of the birds!
Must dash to get dressed or I never will. Hope the creep buggars off out for the day. Might try weeding on the other side of the garden, farthest away from him. Still hate the idea of being out there because I know he’ll be listening to everything I’m doing even if he can’t see through the fence.
See you later hun
Lots of love xxx

[Tina19]

Hi Christine

I love your little haven and the prisms look nice. Anything that sparkles, glitters and catches the light is so wonderful for a bit of escapism. He saw me cutting out some sparkly things I was going to use in the garden to add some extra interest and he said I couldn’t so Ive abandoned the idea.

The greenery here is shooting up and I can certainly agree with you about the birds, the noise is incredible at times with them all singing and calling each other. Without them it would be so flat.

I used to do all kinds of lugging and shifting heavy stuff in the garden but at least for the last year all my strength seems to have left me and I just feel weak. All that malarkey with the swollen fingers early in the year must have been the start of arthritis as my fingers have developed little bony bumps on them and they hurt and inhibit movent. Oh well the joys of getting on in age.

Good to hear Porsche is ok. Zoe has got back into her “I’m not going wee even if it is midnight” stage as I’m standing at the back door while she:s lolling around on the lawn in the dead of night!

I’ll check back in later today!

Lots of love xx

[Tina19]

Those pictures are wonderful Beki. What a lovely little place. My niece was in Newquay and now in Truro. I haven’t been to either place so don’t exactly have any knowledge of what they are like

Have a nice day to you all, whatever you do I hope it brings some pleasure xx

[christine51]

Hi Nick,
I’m sorry to hear that you have not been so good but glad to see your energy has come back. Wonder who complained about the path. Sounds very petty if nobody uses it. I think some peeps have so little to do that they take delight in creating mischief for others (my neighbours are like that). But that was a good days work. I always feel energised in my mind if I’ve been working hard physically in the garden. Must admit though it’s caught up with me today. I feel so aching! And the creep is creeping around so I haven’t gone out to do my weeding like I’d planned. If he goes out I will make a start. Always find it very therapeutic. But I was saying to Suzanne I have always encouraged weeds to strengthen the diversity within the garden. So I’ll have to be selective with what I remove. I was out at 6.30 feeding the birds and rehousing the snails from the big to the little pond so they don’t much on my new plants. I have lots of pics to post but have to see what I’ve already done. Will pop back in again later with them.
Would love to see a pic of what you achieved.
Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

Hi Neil,
It seems ages since I chatted properly with you. I’ve been immersed in the garden until late so haven’t been able to post and am catching up again. The creep is creeping and I’m hiding in the bedroom. Will go out there if he buggars off. Still early.
Glad to hear your friend has had his op considering the lengthy waiting times (or did he go private? I would). Will you be going with for his check ups? You could suggest a coffee in a nice little outdoor spot or visit a church. I found the chapel in the hospital was so peaceful and restful after my radiotherapy years ago. Lit some candles and just sat with my thoughts.
You should hear my birds. It’s a feeding frenzy, mostly baby starlings. And they love the pond, having a drink, bathing and flapping about. It’s like bath time for little kids. So beautiful to watch. Porsch is not happy and quite jel.
Glad you have a thing this week. Is it cinema or theatre? Last cinema I went to was Natural Born Killers (absolutely fab film) about 30 years ago! Time really does slip by when you stop doing stuff but I was off doing other things.
Will have pics to post when I can work out what I have already done as I have a long list. Always take too many and then have to plough through them to choose my faves.
So sad and shocking to hear that Tina Turner died. I’m always shocked by death. It is my biggest fear. I liked her music. She was one sexy mamma!
The birds have been screaming now ! for about 5 hours and they only stop when they see one of my friend’s cats who I have to chase around the garden incase they get one of the babies. Porsch doesn’t bother with them and is very put out that we no longer have a peaceful garden. Just wish I was out there but don’t want to be watched.
OMG I hear his van. Going out there while I can. Have an old metal tent peg from childhood camping trips to coax the roots out.
See you later hun. Lots of love xxx

[NEILB72]

Hi Christine
Just popped on here quickly before going up to the West End. It’s theatre this afternoon and should be a right good laugh . Idiots Assemble The Spitting Image Musical- adult only humour and fun at the expense of royalty and politics just like the 80s series. By all accounts from early reviews they havent gone ‘woke’ which is how it should be! Got tkts second row in the Stalls so right up close to the ‘action’.
Sending love and best wishes and will try and post some pics later
Neil x

[Debbie57]

Have a good afternoon at the theatre Neil with your friend. I was offered free tickets for someone that couldn’t go to Tina Turner the musical. It was very last minute and even though I admire her she’s not my type of music. I’m sure someone would appreciate them more.
I don’t follow football as much these days, but Doug and I were and I suppose I still am Luton Town fans. We used to go to alot of their home games at Kenilworth Rd, when Doug still drove.
So fingers they win later in the championship playoff final.
It will be an eye-opening experience for those premiership clubs that go there.
Our son was assistant groundsman there for a while, only left when the club got onto trouble a few years back and weren’t paying wages, having just got a mortgage he couldn’t afford to stay.
I’m intending to go and see GOTG3 too this week.
Sending love.
Debbie xx

[christine51]

Hi Suzanne,
I may be joining you in the land of nod very soon as I’m so exhausted after doing the garden this week. I seem to use up my energy and then have to rest to bank it again. But I have got lots done. Could only sit with Porsch today in the sun, doing puzzles (but I’m quite bored of that now) and hemmed a dress (short arse so always too long but the cut off makes a fab bandana for summer). Made the most of it while the creep was out but didn’t know he’d come back so swiftly came in when I realised.
Glad you told the kids off and it must have worked if they haven’t been back. I don’t trust any of my neighbours. They know exactly where the cameras are and it’s common knowledge that the creep got in through the loft but it doesn’t seem to shock them. That’s the caliber of the peeps I’m surrounded by. Wouldn’t be able to go on hols or stay overnight anywhere even if I wanted to. Wouldn’t have anything to come back to. So stressful living here. I was telling the nurses at my smear yester (very undignified but has to be done) because they were asking how I cope with my agoraphobia. They were so shocked.
You are a good aunty taking your niece for her tat. I have no pain threshold and screamed at getting my tat and belly pierced. Was told I’d have to leave if I didn’t stop it!
How’s your honey root doing? The bushes I planted seem to be doing ok. I discovered why I have no peonies since planting them from the old garden (in pots). Monty advised someone on them being too deep and they don’t like clay soil. So that’s a job for the Autumn. I’ll plant up behind the pond too if I can turn it over and add compost for depth. I just haven’t the energy left to do it now. Pleased I cut back the dead branches overhead. Lovely on an evening enjoying the last of the sun.

I’m really pleased with my angels / flags. Took ages to do and a right faff but they take the eye around the garden and dance in the wind.

I have a climber scrambling through the hawthorn which I love as the white flowers always remind me of childhood.

Delighted that my climber has come back over the arches as it was looking very sorry for itself after being cut back last year and the arches replaced.

Didn’t see Porsch following me and getting in the pic.
Bees are loving the orchard area

and I rescued a giant wasp / hornet from drowning in the small pond today. Just waiting for the frogs and toads to arrive.
I love the little clusters of tiny flowers along the lawn

Green and white is always a delicate combo and my fave.

But my absolute fave is the hug from the hawthorn around the dolls house.

The weeds are waiting for me and I’m sure the fox has made a bed in there (a flattened circle not seen here).

Just waiting for all the rosebuds to bloom.

I’m hoping that all the climbers and roses can be as strong and established as my first climber 17 years ago.

Very little grows in there now but it provides great shade in the summer.

My irises are starting to uncurl. Love yellow because mam planted a yellow rose at the old garden.

I will leave you with my massive dandelion.

If only all my plants would be as vigorous!
So relieved I’m caught up with my pics so I can start again with new ones.
Night hun. Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

Hi Tina,
I just posted the last of my pics to Suzanne and I’m pleased I got through them. Whoever if first gets the bulk post! I’m so exhausted with all the work I’ve been doing that I couldn’t do anything today. Sat and enjoyed the sun with Porsch (she prefers the shade), did a few puzzles and hemmed a dress for the garden. I’m fighting to stay awake. It’s going to get quite warm next week (about 23) so I wonlt be doing much in the heat. Always get cross with myself when I don’t seize the opportunity. Mam’s not here to tell me when I’ve done too much and I know I’m not a robot but I have no ‘off’ switch. In bed now but Porsch insisted on being out. She has this strangled cry when she wants her own way so I just gave in. Hope the fox doesn’t take her off! She’s so happy just being on her cushion outside. Doesn’t bother with the birds and babies, though she does watch them with me. It really is wonderful having them with me. My garden is a little oasis for them.
I’m so pleased you mention Night Scented Stock. It was mams fave and used to fill the old garden with its scent. I forgot to get that so I’m hoping Sainsbury’s will have some. They do a good selection of plants. I need to start my swimming again at the local pool so I can pop in there afterwards. There’s usually a fight going on so it’s quite amusing.
My towers of potting pots aren’t being used for seeds. I gave up trying because they never worked. The big tubs of wallflower seeds and lillies have been scattered in the new fruit tree area to bulk up the soil. It’s sunny there so I hope I see something. I missed most of Monty’s Chelsea Flower Show last night but did catch Caroline Quentin at home with her lovely garden, greenhouse and potting shed. That’s my idea of heaven! I hope to watch the full week as I’ve missed so much and there are so many themes going on this year. There was a grief garden too. I was out in the garden most nights until late.
I really must try to work in my swimming into my daily routine again. You could try walking as a regular thing, but at a pace to get your heart going. Great exercise. It’s so hard trying to self motivate. But I do see a lot of joggers when I’m driving and they are mostly alone. I used to jog round the park when I lived with my parents, and then raced around on the bike. It’s quite addictive once the adrenaline starts. It’s the starting that’s the problem!
I think if you introduce one thing into your daily ‘diet’ that is healthy (fruit, salad, nuts, green tea) it will spur you on to do more (or at least that’s the theory). I find if I prepare things when I first get up after doing dishes I know it’s there to grab when I come in and am hungry. A bowl of veg soup always makes me feel like I’ve done my healthy bit for the day. And eating all my treats in one go means I have none left to tempt me later on! The one upside to being agoraphobic is not being able to pop out for snacks. I do when I fill up with petrol but that’s once a week or less.
Have you been doing anything else in the garden? I still have to finish the trellises. Might leave it now because it will frighten the baby birds. That’s my excuse anyway!
Just googled godetia as I didn’t recognise the name. Not sure I’ve seen them before. How strange!
Must get Porsch in now and feed the fox. Then I’ll settle down to some telly. Always see something to set me off on missing mam but it passes eventually. Casualty is a bit of a tricky one though.
Have a headache with the babies chatting all day and a sore throat. Hope a good sleep will sort me out for some work tomorrow if the creep goes out. Fingers crossed.
Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

Hi Nick,
I have found that filling in the day with tasks in the garden and routines of housework gets me through the day and motivates me to keep going. I sleep well when I’m physically exhausted and even though I feel like my world has ended now that my mam isn’t here I feel closer to her when I’m gardening because that’s how we spent a lot of our time together. It makes me sad because she’ll never see the transformation but if I just sit like I did I wouldn’t stop crying. The pain of grief is unbearable. If we can find a path forward in our days it is worth doing, whatever it is. They do say that gardening is therapy for the soul. I certainly feel better for it. And this could be a stepping stone in getting your house sold so you can move forward. You will possibly feel closer to your brother when you move into his house. Time passes whatever we do or don’t do. Keeping busy makes it go faster. Since mam I’ve decorated my house, created a workable space in the loft and am revamping the garden. I’ve created new textiles (yet to be finished). If I stop I’ll fall apart again. And so I force myself to keep going.
I’m surprised the council are being like that with you about your garden. I know they’re strict with the front space here. That is why I had to remove my lovely composting bins. I miss them!
Must get my little Porsch in before she’s eaten by the fox.
Pleased you are on an upturn. It must be very stressful selling your house but it sounds like he’s very keen. Having all that drive space, large garden and garage certainly are winners in the selling game. I have everything crossed for you!
Hope you liked the pics. Whoever posts first is the winner in my garden adventures update but they are for everyone to enjoy. It’s always strange seeing my garden in pics.
Keep going hun. It’s worth it!
Lots of love xxx