I know how you feel Beki, I hate Sunday nights with the thought of going to work, I think I’ve come to begrudge it so much because I didn’t take early retirement to spend time with Doug. My heart is always pounding when I get up Monday mornings.
Debbie X
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Hello all
Really bad, dark days, so haven’t anything nice to say. Other than I have thought of you all. I’m glad you posted that TikTok Suzanne. Half the time I’m sure people think I was going bonkers when I’d tell people there was a physiological cause for morning anxiety.
Everyone seems really motivated and optimistic, pleased for you all that you are finding your feet. Lovely photos and little bits of hope from everyone is inspiring.
Wish I wasn’t so despairing. Lately if I thought I could not actually be here without getting unwell or having an accident then I don’t think I’d be too sad.
Anyway I’m going to go and have a drink (unfortunately not the alcoholic kind),
Hope I feel well enough to post soon with a little less heaviness.
Much love xx
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Hi Tina
Good to hear from you even though you are not in a good place at the moment. Remember what you are feeling is normal and no doubt we will all have darker days ahead. I’ve got the dreaded Tuesday to get through and will probably be feeling the same.
When you want to post again we are all here to support you
Please take care and hope next week can be better for you.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Sending love and a hug 
Debbie X
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Hey Tina,
I’m so sorry to hear that you are having dark days just now but please do remember you are not alone…we may not physically be with you but you are in our thoughts, spirits and hearts so please reach out to us and don’t worry that you’ll bring us down or upset us cause that’s what we’re all here for xx
A wee photo of a couple of puppies we had in today to try bring a smile to your face x
As Neil said post when you feel you are able but we’re always here xx
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Hey Neil,
You are so jammy with your great upgrades…someone is definitely making sure you are going to enjoy yourself…and you’re worth it!! x
Always nice to make new friends with same interests as yourself so happy for you x
When’s your next play? can’t remember if you said it not x
Hope your evening is peaceful and will chat before Tuesday/Wednesday xx
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Hi Beki,
What a cracking idea your terrarium is and think I need to invest in one myself as caught Cal eating the leaves on my croton plant…silly dick lol x
Don’t know what it is about Dunelm as my mum and friend both love that place but bores me senseless but I think it’s cause I have absolutely no interior creativity in me whatsoever but really pleased to read that you had a time going and not being sad…massive step forward x
The thought of work and a long week ahead can be daunting at the best of times but I have found out like Neil’s that I have to take one…maybe two days at a time cause if I look too far ahead at times all I can see is uncertainty and a future that causes me anxiety but the future can be changed so trying not to fear things that are within my control to change and as the old cliche says at not worry about things you can’t…easier said than done but gotta try.
Hopefully your work week won’t be as bad as you fear and that you feel better soon x
Have a good night xx
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@Debbie57…love the Harry Potter keepsake box x my auntie was also a Harry Potter fan and when she was like in her late 50s she entered a competition to win a signed book and meet JK Rowling…to her surprise she won along with a heap of kids…reminded me of that episode of Only Fools and Horses where they all go on holiday and Rodney has to pretend he’s 15…
x she was happy though as she got a signed book, met her and got a ride on the Hogswart Express…I now have her signed book x
Hope you’ve had a good day xx
@nicnic…hope you’ve managed to get to your bench today and now I’ve seen the film we can discuss it with Neil xx
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Hey Tina you don’t have to have anything nice to say!! Shit days are shit, be here, be heavy, be cross…whatever, we all know the ingredients of this naff grief cocktail we’ve been served and some days you just don’t know which flavour is going to hit you.
Hope you can have a peaceful night. 🫂
Beki x
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I actually like my work it’s just doing it 
I think it’s the lack of concentration and fatigue (to be fair that was an issue before mum passed, this just changes the reason)
I am taking each Wednesday off the next few weeks so 2 days on, 1 off, 2 on, weekend. Hopefully that will help make it more bite size.
Those doggies are so cute!
Going to lay back in bed and chill with Pixie cat (the blind one)
Night all xx
Beki x
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It’s Monday morning, vertual hug to all of you
Catch up later when I’m back from work.
Debbie X
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Back to you Debbie and hope your day goes smoothly x
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Monday morning hugs all!! I’ve managed to drag myself out of bed so we will call that win one.
Day 4 of hormone headache though- grrr
Beki x
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Managed some work today and something to eat tonight so putting feet up and calling that a win
How’s everyone doing?
@christine51did you get to go swimming?
My outside time today was just a few minutes putting the bins out. Didn’t think you’d want a picture of that!
Hugs, Beki x
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Morning everyone 
Wishing you all a peaceful day and @Beki and @Debbie57…if you are both working I hope your shifts go well and quickly x
@NEILB72…as it’s Tuesday I will be thinking of you as always and hope you have something planned for the next couple of days even if it’s a UC meeting x
@christine51…everything ok? You seemed quite upbeat last week about your swimming and your garden despite the Creep so hope you are still feeling the same. Always a bit concerned when you quiet xx
@Tina19…you feeling even slightly better just now? Even if you are still having dark thoughts please be reassured you can talk here with no judgment and much love xx
@nicnic…not sure what you have planned for today but wish you an uneventful day (you know what I mean lol) and hope you managed to get some sleep and Evie behaved xx
Much love to you all and look forward to hearing from you all 
xx
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Morning everyone.
I hope you’re all as ok as can be?
Neil, the film was good and I’ll probably watch it again when it comes out on dvd or whatever but it did kind of drag on in parts. I think the first 2 were better. You’d have to watch though as a fan.
Had a nice time with my eldest on Saturday and was nice to have some time together. Still feeling in a bit of a funny mood and anxiety is up and down like a yo-yo at the moment.
Tina I’m sorry you’re having a bad time at the moment. We are all here for you and sending you lots of love.
Beki and Debbie I hope today goes quick for you both at work. You too Suzanne. Evie slept better last night and so did I…
Christine I hope you’re ok? Did you go swimming? Thinking of you •.
Sending lots of love to you all
Nic xxx
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Hi Nic
So the critics were sort of right. How you described the film is what I’ve been reading and that it could and should have been so much better. I see the new Lightyear film is the latest to get really mixed reviews.
Sorry that your anxiety has been up and down. I had some yesterday. I have an appointment with a company through the job centre next week and you have to download passwords,CV and sign a declaration and struggling to do it as havent got a computer and not great with doing it in my phone. I told them this and they dont bloody listen to me .
Hope your day can be as good as can be
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Suzanne
Yes the dreaded Tuesday again. As I have another gap in my counselling I will probably do a routine call to Cruse later.
Royal Ascot starts today and normally would be watching it with Mum but dont know if I can as will be thinking of her.
UC appointment tomorrow. At least its every two weeks now. Friend calling me tomorrow evening .
West End show lined up for Thursday and looks like I’ve got a seat upgrade again looking at the website. More details on the show later.
Hope you have a good day
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
It seems such a long time since I caught up. Loved swimming with my niece and stayed for 2 hours. I’m a lot fitter than I thought I would be and got into my costume (always a win!). I can do a monthly membership and go as often as I want so will do that for both of us for the summer.
Had a really good catch up and realised everyone isn’t having a party and not inviting. I’ve felt so excluded but nothing has been going on, not even a party for the Jubilee. I asked why my sis stopped speaking to me and she didn’t know, was quite vague so I just left it. But my dad has been horrible to everyone, including my niece, so it’s not about me. He sees his drinking friend everyday and that is probably the problem. So I feel relieved that he doesn’t just hate me but is obviously not coping but now I can’t help because he wants nothing to do with me. Don’t know if his friend has had any input into cutting me out. I’ll never know.
I’ve also seen my neighbour/friend because he needed help when his electric went off so came along to plug his phone in and we sat in the garden for a bit. I never have visitors so that was a big thing. We both have anxiety so he understands my panic and me his. He actually thanked me for helping him but also that he’s the only one I let in the house/garden. I’ve lived such an isolated life since moving here but the last couple of days have let me see there is life outside and I can join in. Going swimming was like being back to my old self. Very surreal after mam.
I also had my booster jab at home yesterday. My arm is really painful and feels like a dead weight. The 2 covid jabs didn’t hurt like this. Hope my arm isn’t going to drop off or swell up!
I feel so exhausted I couldn’t even do any gardening yesterday. Took the hose round, caught the creep watching and came in until he had gone back to work. Obviously works local to be able to pop back the way he does. Would love to expose him in front of work colleagues.
I have a skip run after therapy so hope I’m up to it. Last week I had to cancel. Hope the ‘helpful’ blokes aren’t there to get in my way. Hate blokes thinking I’m a helpless female. I’m totally the opposite of what blokes think I am. It’s quite amusing but annoying at the same time.
Yes, The Greasy Strangler was a favourite for a while. Expresses the creepiness beautifully!
It was just by chance that Margot Fontane was on played by the girl who was in Shameless. I thought of you. She was my idol when I was doing my ballet. I still remember the stretches on a Friday evening after a session and before the Sat. I was the only one who could do the splits on one leg and rotate onto the other. My niece’s daughter does a mix of ballet, jazz, tap and hip hop. I think every little girl should. My sister hated being the boy in productions but she was very tall. Mam made all the costumes. Wish I’d kept it going but gymnastics became my passion and I couldn’t do both. I came 5th in the national trials. So dissapointed. My vault let me down. It’s funny looking back the things that stick out. Wish I’d listened more to mam when she was chatting about when she was young. Will leave it there because I don’t want to be upset.
Hope today isn’t a particularly bad one and that you have things booked to look forward to. I’m very aware that my niece will be going off to uni and I’ll feel left behind and have to go swimming alone. It’s exciting for her and I encourage her to go and get the full uni experience. It’s strange because life has just carried on without me being part of it, stuck at home. Want to try harder to do stuff and feel less trapped. Always a good thing.
Going to be hot (30 degrees) later on in the week so hope to get some planting done before then.
Will catch up now on all the posts I’ve missed.
Lots of love xxx
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