Hi Neil, it’s probably the weather not helping, I said the same to Beki. It’s been so oppressive and affects your emotions, heat just saps your energy makes you feel exhausted.
I had a bit of a meltdown too yesterday I was remembering the summer of 76 when Doug and I first went out. It doesn’t take much to feel sad does it.
I spent hour watering the garden last night just finished as we had a shower but it wasn’t enough to make much difference. No sign here yet of any thunderstorms, but it a cooler 27c much more manageable.
What show have you booked to see next, always good to have something to look forward too.
I going to Cornwall this Saturday with my daughter and family, we will visit the beach in Looe where we scattered Doug’s ashes last year. Must admit can’t wait for Friday and the end of term, and looking forward to break away.
Sending love
Debbie X
Hi Tina,
OMG. It is hot. Like you say ‘normal hot’ but still unbearable. I’ve been demolishing an old chest, removing the fabric and photographing as I go to create a blog on recycling fabric from old furniture. Sounds like an easy task but I am so exhausted! Also did an old headboard. I’ll have to write it all up another day but glad with what I’ve achieved. Will post a link when it’s out. Second one this year. I used to create at least one a month and do book reviews and create my own work too. Feeling less stressed now that I’ve got everything back to how it was.
Well done you for going out there on a shoe hunt with your neighbour in the garden. Hope you find them. Sounds like Zoe has some kind of hyperactive condition. Not many dogs can function in the heat. Glad she molted though. You could have collected all that hair and created a picture for your brother just to see his reaction. Are you enjoying your freedom without him there? You’ll be wishing he’d buggar off again as soon as he’s back. I do love the freedom of living alone and being able to get through the day doing whatever I want without stopping. I thrive on being busy but having been in the garden today, not even to sit.
Going to see if I have any lollies left.
Love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Been so busy recycling fabrics from an old chest and headboard I don’t have the energy to start my painting or even go for a swim. Still hot.
So glad my work wasn’t damaged. It takes so long to create and can’t be washed as all hand stitched with beads and sequins etc. Always enjoy a huge clearout or tidy up. Starting a new blog will inspire me to start sewing again. Lots of unfinished projects to do. Just couldn’t face it before. Even if I have a look and do some planning it’s a step forward. Maybe by Autumn I can get down to some real work.
Hope Tina has found her new shoes. Zoe is such a handful. My neighbour with the cats keeps telling me to get a dog to encourage me to get out of the house but I couldn’t guarantee I would be able to walk it and it wouldn’t be fair on the dog.
Run out of lollies and only have soup as I have to do a shop. I always raid the fridge when I get treats. They never last long.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Kate and welcome to our group. I haven’t been posting lately (too upset again) so not sure if you’re a regular here but lovely to meet you. The shrine helped me focus on doing something for my mam and to feel close to her with the candles and fairy lights on in the evening when I’m sitting watching tv. I’m still waiting for her ashes to be placed in her parents grave and I’ll have a small amount for my little egg so she will always be close to me. I had thought of sprinkling her in a section of the garden but wouldn’t really visit her enough in winter so will keep her in the shrine garden where she can be looked after by the buddhas. I miss her so much it still makes me cry. It will be 34 weeks tomorrow and I still can’t accept its real. I can’t make sense of it, that she isn’t here to chat to and tell her what I’ve been doing. But it does help to chat here and everyone is so supportive and loving. Don’t know what I would have done otherwise.
Hope you are coping in this heat. It’s unbearable inside but hotter outside. Should have watered the garden but will do it tomorrow.
Hope to see you here again.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
I’m so sorry you’re not having a good day. It really isn’t an easy ride. I thought I was coping better but then it just engulfed me again. But I’m here at least and feel better for posting. So easy to get lost in grief and for time to slide away. Still on the verge of crying all the time but I’ve had a productive day (will post a link to my blog when its out) and hope the enthusiasm lasts.
I’m pleased your theatre is still helping to get you through and your friend’s telephone call. You are blessed to have such a good friend. The swimming with my niece has stopped (over a week now) so I think that has had a negative impact. I don’t have the association of going to certain places like you with the high street because I mostly visited mam at hers and if we popped out it would have been to the garden centre at theirs. But every time I see an ambulance driving to therapy I cry and think of all the trips mam made to hospital on her own because of covid. I can’t imagine not getting upset and that it will fade with time. I don’t see how that can happen. We don’t stop feeling. It’s like carrying a weight around, not knowing when it will become too much again. It’s always there.
So pleased it’s cooler now. Enjoyed a bit of rain and a breeze last night and pleased to have got my cushions and washing in just in time. Hope we have a real downpour to clear the air. Love the drama of a storm. Reminds me of counting between the cracks of thunder to see if its leaving.
I’m sure you said to take one day at a time and not look ahead too much because it will overwhelm. It’s great advise. I plan my day and look back on what I have achieved at the end of week. Baby steps. I will start painting my fence panels tomorrow if it isn’t raining and water the garden. I find comfort in achieving small tasks. Otherwise I would jut sit and think of mam and be upset. Sometimes I just can’t fight it. Feeling fragile but back in the game.
Enjoy chatting with your friend. I always feel better getting through the first half of the week and when Friday hits I always wonder where the time went.
Always thinking of you all.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
Sorry to read that your swimming has stopped as that was helping you and giving you something to look forward to.
Only thing we can do is take one step and one day at a time, it’s the only way. I often sit and think about what Mum and I were doing this time last year. Would never , ever have thought what was going to happen in four months. That’s when it really sinks in what has happened.
Nice to have a bit of cool breeze today . Hot weather was always challenging with Mum and Dad as they used to suffer with the heat .
My friend phoned a bit earlier and we had a nice chat . That call once a week soon comes round fast.
I’m nearly always better when Tue/Wed are out of the way and the weekend is not too far off so I can go to the theatre again.
Sending lots of love and best wishes to you
Neil x
Hi Kate
Welcome to our lovely group. Everyone is so lovely and easy to talk to whether you are feeling up or down - you are never alone .
I’m really feeling outnumbered now as the only guy 
Speak soon and if you feel you can post about your lost we are here to offer our support
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Beki,
It’s like I’m just climbing out of that boat you are in now. It is a desperate place to be and I still just want to be with her. I think about her all of the time. And going through the motions of doing (garden or fences or a new blog today) doesn’t take it away but softens it a little by concentrating on the job in hand. I’m pleased you have a friend popping over. To not be alone helps. I was enjoying my swimming with my niece but it stopped last week and she hasn’t wanted to go again in the heat. I’m sure she will though. I have been swimming myself a couple of times but it is really boring as nobody to chat to and the awkward eye contact would be funny if I had someone to share it with. And there was a bloke trying to chat to me but I couldn’t be arsed! So he gave up. I wasn’t rude but didn’t want to encourage him either. Felt such an unusual thing to happen after mam, like it wasn’t part of my world after her leaving. I feel so weighed down with sadness that I can’t begin to explain it. Thought I had battled and found a way of coping but it wasn’t real, just distracting me from what I am not able to bear. Why doesn’t anyone teach us this stuff before it happens, to make sure we know how precious life is and to know that we don’t have all the time in the world and every day counts? I still want to be with her. Doesn’t help that I only have my niece to talk to about mam because nobody else wants to know me and my other sister still hasn’t rang. She’s so busy with work and the gym and then seeing her daughter and doing the garden at the weekend. Wish she would chat while driving back from work but she won’t. Too many mad drivers up north apparently.
Hope you feel better having your friend over.
Lots of love xxx
I know things will pick up again with the swimming and seeing my niece but the emptiness between feeling ‘ok’ is so vast. That’s the nature of the beats as they say. I think its because it all happened so fast. A week. And battling the hospital for any news because dad hadn’t put me on the list as a relative (cruel doesn’t even cover it, everyone else was on there including mams sister). Mam was the closest and most loving relationship I have ever experienced. I’ve had boyfriends but it doesn’t come close. I just can’t accept she will never come back. I wish she was still just on holiday and I was waiting for her to return. I could live a lifetime waiting for her to come back. But not to never come back again. That is truly unbearable. I’m so upset again. It’s never far away.
Going to have some soup and pop the telly on. Been watching Witness 3 at 9pm. Last one tonight. Really good but I missed the beginning so don’t actually know what she witnessed.
Love xxx
Evening Neil 
Was going to see how today was treating you and read your post but glad your day picked up x that friend of yours is such a lovely friend and I know you enjoy his calls x
What theatre have you been booking? Anything I’ve heard of lol x
I laughed at your comment about being the only male in the group and was going to say that we didn’t see you as a male then though good god that’s not what I meant at all lol x
What are your plans for the rest of the week? x
So pleased it’s so much cooler up here…any cooler down by you? x I saw the fires down south and hoped they were not anywhere near you x
Much love 
x
Hi Christine:)
I do hope your sister and niece (especially niece) start to treat you with the respect and love you deserve x their behaviour towards you is so unfair and undeserved x
I have my fence half up and hopefully be finished by end of the week so as soon as it’s finished and my garden chair has arrived then I will post some photos for you to see x
I know what you mean as I have family (albeit not much) and I often wonder if my uncle even thinks of me…don’t even know if he’s alive tbh x he’s the last link to my mum and auntie I have and most of time I don’t think much about him but it hits me occasionally….guessing you perhaps feel the same 
x
Anyway I look forward to seeing your fence posts when up and hopefully Porscha will behave lol x
Also don’t worry about Zoe as her hyperactive behaviour even in this heat this very typical of both their breeds…they are just mental x
Love always 
Hi Suzanne
As I said been a pretty crap day , especially this morning. Always look forward to my best mate phoning. He works for the NHS in Shropshire.
I suddenly realised I was the only male here ha ha but I dont mind .
I booked the Nureyev Ballet celebration at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane for September. Dancers from all the big ballet companies all over the world performing. Of course the some of the big names from the Royal Ballet will be there and I’ll be supporting them as always.
Nice to have it cooler , although it’s still very muggy. Disappointed we havent had a storm. One of my stagey friends Steph, who is in Frozen, was pleading for rain earlier as it is so hot on stage.
Those fires were quite near me in Dartford ( my birthplace). The others were in Dagenham .
Hopefully Thursday will be better,it usually is.
Wishing you a good Wednesday evening
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
We keep getting in the same boat @Christine and today I think I cried enough to float to the damn thing
I am pleased to hear though you’ve had some moments of inspiration with the textiles. I don’t plan on getting back into the fused glass until later in the year when I can’t garden as much and the weather is lousy. Maybe we can plan some craft time later in the year?
The garden is looking much better, I will put some pictures up soon. The bedding plants got hammered in the heatwave but most have survived.
I don’t think you can ever prepare anyone for this. Only losing Mum do I now get what she carried with her on losing her family - I thought I did get it, I didn’t.
You can always talk about your Mam here - love hearing more about her
Beki xx
Hi everyone.
Just checking in. Been a bit up and down the last few days and being back to work is taking it out of me and I’m not even back to full hours yet. Im shattered.
A lot cooler now but overcast. Hate it when it’s overcast as all miserable. The poor weather just can’t win can it?!
Hope today is good for you all and I’ll catch up this evening when work and kids all sorted and done.
Lots of love to you all,
Nic xxx
Dear All
I’m not sure if im doing this right but i am really not coping. I lost my mum on Tuesday evening and i feel like my world has ended. x
Hi Michelle
Firstly, so terribly sorry about your Mum . My Mum also passed on a Tuesday and it’s always a bad day for me. I’m afraid there is no right way to deal with any of this and you can do is take each day as it comes or even each hour.
This group has been a real lifeline for us all and we support each other through our grieving .
As I said my Mum passed on a Tuesday nearly 8months ago and it seems like yesterday in many ways . It nearly destroyed me mentally at the start of the year but slowly I have picked myself up , got counselling and now having better days. But still have the odd bad day too . Cruse,Samaritans and CALM are all very good if you need someone to talk to . No one will judge you and you can let it all out.
Remember to go through this at your own pace as that is very important.
So sorry you had to find this group but glad you are here so we can all help each other through
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Michelle,
As Neil said I am so sorry to hear if your loss and that you have met us all in such tragic circumstances but I can echo what he has said in that this wee group have been more support to me than my so called friends and family and they are always here…good days and bad.
If you would like to tell us a bit about your mum then we would love to hear x do you have a strong support network near you? x
Feel free to pop in and out as much as you want x again as Neil said there’s no right nor wrong way to grieve so don’t be forced in to acting a certain way because it makes other people feel more comfortable x
Hope to hear from you,
Suzanne x
Hi Michelle
To echo what Neil has said I am so sorry for your loss and that you have needed to find your way here but I hope the group can help you as I know it has helped others.
Losing a mother is like having your heart ripped in two. I know in the first days I actually had physical heartache and still get pangs of it now. I lost my Mum suddenly and unexpectedly in March. It was always just the two of us and we were always together, I am bereft without her.
You are in such early days. The only real practical advice I can give is take it moment by moment. Try to stay hydrated and if you can eat a little of anything.
Dont be afraid to contact your doctors or 111. Also as Neil mentions get the numbers for Samaritans, Cruse into you phone. I have my local mental health team A&E gave me after visiting there a couple of days after, They are on hand 24/7, even just to ring them up and cry down the phone at them or sit in silence with you. Take the support you can.
Here is one of those places. Whatever time of day or night if you want to post in here how you are feeling to let it out. We’ve been there, we are there and there is no judgement.
Do you have someone with you?
Beki x
Dear Neil, Suzanne, Beki
Thank you all so much for replying to me.
I am very lucky in that i have my husband with me but he’s just as upset as me as we all lived together.
I have so much going through my head i’m not coping, i feel like i want to be with mum.
As i was an only child and mum had me so late and then divorced when i was a baby its always been us against the world and now shes gone and I’m lost.
You will all tell me how lucky i was to have mum so long as she was 89 but her older sister is 92 and their aunt was 105 so i always thought mum was invincible.
Im scared as we live in a housing association house that they will make us leave and its all too much.
I just my mum back. xx
Hi Michelle,
No one here will tell you that you were lucky to have her for that long as no amount of time is enough where mums are concerned and it must be tough on you and your husband and it’s more than possible that you both with grieve at different speeds…it’s not a competition that any one will win so both be kind to yourself and it’ll take as long as it takes x
When you are having a smidgen better day speak to the housing association and explain your circumstances and see what they say. Don’t try anticipate what they will say/do as they are a law unto themselves x
Hopefully your work is being kind to you and same goes for your husband and don’t be fooled into going back too soon as it often backfires x
As Beki said don’t look much past a couple of hours at a time as if you look too far into the future it can be very counterproductive and frightening x baby steps…half an hour at a time x
We al still have good days and bad and we’re all further down the line so don’t feel pressured into saying you’re ok when you’re not as we all get it x
I find writing in a journal helps especially in the early days/months…I would just write down everything I wanted to say to her etc and it hurt like hell but was very cathartic I found.
Always here,
Suzanne x