Hi Michelle
I think we all take life for granted but when you lose someone close it changes all perspectives about life.
I too felt the same in that parents are invincible and you dont realise they get older, as we do.
I’ve had my issues with the housing association and its caused me to have anxiety attacks.
I mentioned Cruse earlier and I phoned them this evening as I like someone to talk to if I’m feeling a bit down and the lady I spoke to, Adele, was great . She said shes had counselling herself and said I’d be a great counsellor if I trained for it in years to come .Made me feel better straight away.
My ways of coping are my phone calls to Cruse/Samaritans , taking each day at a time and my theatre trips which keep me sane and gives me something to look forward to.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Michelle,
Sorry about losing your mum, can’t say it any better than Suzanne, Neil and Beki.
Your mum is your mum no matter old old she was when she died, you are going to miss her and it’s so early in your grief journey.
I’m a bit of the odd one out on this thread, my husband died last year, but I was drawn here by Christine’s lovely garden and the lovely supportive friendship between them all.
My parents both have been gone over twenty years ago, so I sort of fit in.
As Suzanne said talk to the housing association, I am sure you can succeed the tenancy as a daughter, but you need to talk to them. I live in a housing association property too and it took them 6 months just to move the tenancy to my name only.
As Neil said there is always Cruse and Samaritans, and your GP if you are really not coping, don’t suffer alone help is out there.
Sending love
Debbie X
Hi Michelle,
There is nothing I can say that hasn’t been said by the lovely people on this thread.
We’ve all been where you are and we’ll be here for you when you need us:
It’s not an easy journey and it’s literally a case of one foot in front of the other. And if sometimes you feel like you need to stand still a while then do that. We all cope differently but however you do it it’s right for you. But we’ll be here for you if you need us.
Sending you lots of love and hugs,
Nic xxx
In the Hydrangea, eventually. hahaha
Hello Michelle
I’m so sorry about what’s happened. My Mum was 89 as well. I think we all think our Mum’s were invincible too,
Everything must be so surreal right now. I can imagine the emotional strain from the house situation, and it’s easier said than done but try to banish that from your thoughts for the immediate time. Just do what it takes to get you from this 24 hours to the next. Can’t agree with Neil more when he says go at your own pace. That’s so True.
Kindness to you Michelle
xx
@christine51…how you doing this week? I have longingly thought about your wee swim you took this week during the hot weather x
When you feel you can I would like your advice please x I need a recommendation of a climbing rose for a trellis that will grow in rocky soil x
I know you will know 
xx
Hi Christine
I’m at a bit of a loss with all the posts as I’ve had a really bad day or so. Don’t know whether it was the climax of the heat as I’d been focusing on that and then suddenly the distraction of it went so I was overwhelmed then. It’s probably a combination of things really. I just felt I hadn’t the mental capacity to put any meaningful sentence today. I just felt like I’d come out from a coma into a strange existence and anxiety dreadful.
Anyway, today is the day my brother is back from his weeks course and I won’t have sole responsibility for Zoe anymore. I’ve not taken my eyes of her 24/7 and can’t take her for walks so she’s been mostly house/garden bound with me for company. (Poor dog).
I’m anxious about him coming back with his eye-rolls and derogatory comments but too shattered to put up a fight. Just have to see.
I found the shoes in the Hydrangea Bush! Looking back I hadn’t used pegs as I didn’t want to kink the fabric so just used the fasteners. I’m three sheets to the wind these days.
I haven’t read any of the posts yet properly so don’t know if you managed the fences. Hope so. A little privacy goes a long way for your piece of mind. Will be brilliant for you.
My garden centre rose has just bloomed so I’ll add a picture when I’m using my phone.
Have a tranquil day.
xx
Hi Christine
My fragranced rose I bought from the garden centre. It’s only got one flower and it only has a short 4 inch stem cut from a two year old rose apparently.
It was you that got me into roses again! Just waiting to see if my B and Q roses will do anything.
xx
Hi everyone. Just a question for you all. Mum had a free TV licence and I’m due to pay to renew it from the beginning of next month. Do you usually pay by direct debit, one off payment , quarterly or payment card ? Just weighing up the options .
Hope you are all well and having as good a day as is possible
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
Still haven’t heard from my niece or anyone else. I try to keep an open mind but as soon as drama happens and my opinion goes against everyone else (that I don’t join in basically) I’m dropped like a hot stone. The swimming subscription for her has just been taken again and I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks I think, nor heard from her unless I keep texting to ask about swimming. I feel so used. Might just give up seeing her completely. I always take her for food afterwards and bought her clothes last time. I wonder if she just sees me for what she can get out of me. Seems that way. It’s so hurtful.
I have my 3 fences and 3 trellises (to cut to extend the height of fencing along the creep side) ready to be painted. I also have to repair the raised bed decking boards where the rats from the hoard chewed their way through. So lots of work. I managed to water the garden yesterday but feel so drained of energy I had to lie down and sleep in the afternoon. So I have very little enthusiasm for the repair job today but it has to be done and I hope when I get out there I’ll get motivated. Just feel very alone and missing mam. Every time an older mam is on tv I think of her and wonder why I didn’t just stop with being busy and say no to my dad with all the jobs he always had lined up for me. I never had enough time and always came home thinking I hadn’t even spoken to mam and sat down with her. So much wasted time. It really haunts me. All the time I didn’t go over during covid because I was so scared of catching it and giving it to them. Then I found out dad was refusing to wear a mask so she was exposed anyway whatever I did to keep her safe. So many things I want to go back and change. It keeps hitting me. I’m so tired.
At least its cooler now, though still hot in the house at night. The fires on tv were frightening.
Another job for today is adding garroter to the compost bins. Nasty job as it really stinks but I’ll get great compost from it. Never heard back about removing my bins after my complaint.
Liked your comment about Neil not being thought of as a boy. I thought the same. I had some lovely male friends and never thought of them as gender based. Miss them.
Good luck with the fences. I’m looking forward to being able to get out there if creep is still at home. It’s the invasive nature of being spied on without knowing. Until the stalking it wouldn’t have bothered me and I’d have made a fuss and shouted at him. But it’d like I’ve had the stuffing knocked out of me too much to confront him. Looking forward to planting up the area with climbers and ivy to make the fence more natural.
Looking forward to the photos.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Beki,
Even now I’m on the verge of tears. Seem to be most of the time and feel really worn out again. My mam didn’t seem to be upset infront of me about her mam. She nursed her at home until she died and mam always said she didn’t want us doing that for her. I know I should be grateful that she was cared for in hospital with us all there but it I just can’t bear the pain of her not being here. I can’t do it. It’s too hard. I miss her to my core. All the time that I was busy and didn’t sit with her. I was just saying that to Suzanne. Lost time. She couldn’t go into the garden at the old house before they moved so I don’t know why I was breaking my back keeping it going just so dad didn’t have to hire a gardener. He did in the end because I refused to do it because I was so worn out. Whatever I did was never enough.
I’m pleased to have started a new blog. Hoping that the Autumn will bring new inspiration for getting back into the work again. I used to be such a workaholic, really driven. But without mam it just seems so futile. She taught me a lot of the skills I use. She was a fabulous dressmaker. Even made her own wedding dress. It’s stored in the loft for her. Doubt I’ll get married but if I do I’ll wear it. She would want me to. She was so glamorous. Wish I could have shared her life more, explored when she was young while she was still here instead of discovering her as a young woman when going through the old slides and photos for the funeral. I really was not aware of what really mattered, that time was precious and not forever with her. I’m still so shocked that she has died. I just can’t accept it’s happened. I want to tell her everything I feel and thank her for everything she has done and just for being who she is. I still just want to join her.
Sorry, I’m really not able to be more positive. Not a great help! But totally understand how upset you are. Can’t imagine it softening with time.
Must get dressed. Looking forward to the pics of your garden. Glad you’ve managed to keep being out there. I know it was so hard for me to make that first step and after the work I’ve done I’ve lost that connection to it, the drive to create a place to feel close to mam because she isn’t there. Just feeling quite lost at the mo.
Will you be seeing your grandad soon? I’m sure he would love to stay again.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Michelle,
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mam. It’s the worst thing in this world. I’m still not able to accept it and it’s been 34 weeks yesterday for me. It really is a rollercoaster of emotion. I still want to join her, to leave this world because she isn’t in it. But posting here has helped me get through some very dark times. Our group is really loving and supportive. Posting helps because we all understand and feel what you are feeling. For me it’s like I’m reacting as though it’s just happened. I thought I’d moved forward and was ‘coping’ but I’m not. All we can do is keep going. Whatever you are feeling will subside a little. It comes in waves. It’s truly horrendous. But you can feel some comfort knowing that we are all here and just trying to get through each day at a time. You will work through whatever you are feeling now. Gardening has helped me to focus on something. Otherwise I just sit and cry for her. I’m finding it really hard again and everything is a massive effort. Sometimes I just can’t do anything. Sleeping and eating will come in time. I’m amazed I’m made it this far. You will too. We are designed to keep going even when it is heartbreaking. I’m glad you are here and not alone. We can all support each other.
Sending you lots of love xxx
Hi Neil, when Doug’s free TV licence ended I had to start again, because I’m not entitled to one.
I pay monthly, by direct debit, but the first six months you pay double, then back to normal payment. So your alway six months in front and six months in arrears when it’s renewed.
Hope that helps
Sending love
Debbie X
Hi Nic,
You will be shattered but I’m so pleased you got back to work. I know it helps my sister because it gives her structure to her day, a reason to get out of bed. That’s what the garden did for me. I hope you have a good support network there to understand how hard it is just getting through the day. I think people can never truly understand until it happens to them. But kindness and love go a long way too. I’m finding it really hard at the mo. Still not dressed. Haven’t heard from my niece since the latest drama with my sister. No motivation. But I have a shopping delivery soon so have to get dressed and hope that will get me into the garden again. Have lots of fence painting to do and diy jobs so once I start I’ll just crack on. Catch up soon and love to the girls xxx
Hi Debbie . Thanks for the info. The last paid for licence was in Dad’s name 8years ago so just working out options.Bills coming in next week otherwise I would have paid it in full so will do the direct debit instead.
Thanks again
Best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
I know roses love clay soil but adding a compost to any soil is always going to improve it and a rose ‘feed’ (adding granules to the watering can). My David Austen climbers have taken great, both in the clay soil and a general compost tub (because I couldn’t plant in the soil because of tree roots). Some of my J Parkers roses have also taken well but some have died. I think any rose is worth trying. They are generally feet in the shade and grow in search of the sun. Think I’m going to contact J Parkers and ask for replacements because there must be about 6 that haven’t taken. Whatever you get, give it a good drink before you plant it in. Allow enough space to splay the roots out and follow instruction about depth. If too deep (below the knuckle) you’ll get suckers and no flowers. I just seem to have picked it all up from years of helping my mam.
xxx
Hi Neil
We have to do ours today.
Option 1 - pay all in one go
Option 2 - Pay Monthly or quarterly DD. (If you pay quarterly they add on a service charge per quarter of £1.25/£1.50 I think.
Option 3 - Ring them for a payment card and you can pay weekly/fortnightly/monthly. They set an amount with you and I think you can add on when)if you like.
The first new licence if paid monthly is paid for in 6months at £26.50 per month.
Hope that helps. Hope you are doing ok Neil.
xx
I know what you mean Neil about not having the storms to signal the end of the heatwave. Not even a rumble or two of thunder. I know it’s safest that way but the way it just came and went made it all seem a bit surreal.
We aren’t bothered about you being the only male if you aren’t!
Love xx
Sorry Neil. Didn’t see Debbie’s reply about TV. x
Hi Tina
Thank you for the info. Been reading all about the payments system online and as I said to Debbie, just working out the most convenient way to make payment. When you havent had to pay for one for years and when money is a bit tight you really have to make sure .
Thanks again . I will be getting it sorted this afternoon.
Hope you are having as good a Friday as possible
Best wishes
Neil x